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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346747">You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJdec8/pseuds/JJdec8'>JJdec8</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Beatles (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2018-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2018-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:22:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>62,353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJdec8/pseuds/JJdec8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>At the height of Beatlemania, John Lennon had it all; Fame, fortune, and a loving wife and baby waiting at home. Why, then, does he find himself drawn into the arms of another woman?</p>
<p>**story contains mature content**</p>
<p>This story is loosely based around the rumors of a secret relationship between John Lennon and Alma Cogan, a British singer known as 'the girl with the laugh in her voice.' She was the highest-paid British female entertainer of the 1950s and became close with the Beatles as their fame grew. There is not a ton of information out there regarding the possible affair, but Cynthia Lennon spoke about it many, many years later. Learning about some of the details she gave made me want to explore the possibilities and add my own twist. </p>
<p>While this story is loosely based on actual people and events, none of it should taken as anything more than pure fiction. I do not own the Beatles (no matter how hard I wish!) or their likenesses.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1 - THIS BIRD HAS FLOWN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1 - THIS BIRD HAS FLOWN</p>
<p>••••<br/>
I once had a girl.<br/>
Or, should I say, she once had me.<br/>
••••</p>
<p>"Don't be ridiculous, John," Ruby scolded. "I don't know where you even come up with these cockamamie ideas."</p>
<p>"It was just a thought," John grumbled. "Just a fucking thought."</p>
<p>He watched as Ruby gathered her clothing, slowly returning them to her curvy frame. Her dark brown curls bounced against her shoulders as she shimmied into the maroon A-line dress, and John couldn't resist taking one last glance at her breasts before they were concealed behind the fabric. Stuffing her bra and panties into her purse, Ruby walked over to John who was still seated on the edge of the bed. </p>
<p>"Go home to your wife and son. I'll see you next time, love." She leaned over and placed a kiss on John's nose.</p>
<p>"Next time, then," John replied, suddenly becoming very interested in an invisible speck of nothing on the bedspread so as to avoid eye contact. The door opened and then closed, leaving John alone in the hotel room. </p>
<p>It was 1965 and Beatlemania was in full swing. John could pull any girl he wanted simply by walking into a room and picking one out. What was it about this one that kept him coming back again and again?</p>
<p>As he started to gather his own clothing, John thought back to how this whole thing started. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"Do it again, Lennon!" Pete shouted with loud laugh. </p>
<p>John twirled around, using a high pitched voice to giggle like a girl. He mouthed the words to the song playing through the transistor radio speakers, exaggerating and mimicking choreographed dance moves. </p>
<p>"Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun?" John mouthed as he pulled a face, opening his eyes wide and puckering his lips. </p>
<p>"Cor, you're a right meff, John," Paul snorted, unable to contain his laughter. </p>
<p>"Not much money, oh but honey, ain't we got fun?" John continued to lip sync to the song, shaking his hips from side to side and using his beer bottle as a microphone. </p>
<p>Pete Shotton and Paul McCartney were practically in stitches laughing so hard at John's exaggerated mocking of the singer coming through the radio. </p>
<p>"Oi, she's proper antwacky, that bird," Pete cackled. </p>
<p>"All fluff and lace, she is," Stu Sutcliff added, walking back from the bathroom. "Nice voice though."</p>
<p>The four boys were all quite tipsy, although none were fully drunk yet. Stu's flat on Percy Street near the heart of Liverpool was the perfect location for mid-day drinking. With Paul not being legal drinking age yet, it wasn't usually worth the hassle of arguing with the barkeeps during the day. Evenings were full of rowdy drunks, and it was much easier to slip an extra ale, unnoticed. But for now the four boys made use of the small flat, drinking cheap beer and smoking cigarettes.</p>
<p>John finished his lewd mimicry with a pelvic thrust, an offensive hand gesture, and a long swig of his beer. "Eee, that bloody bird is all that's wrong with music anymore," he growled. "Posh twat with big fancy frocks and fake smiles all over."</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>Now fully dressed, John shook his head, laughing a bit at the memories of how he used to mock Ruby so badly when he was younger. </p>
<p>In the 1950's, Ruby Cohen was the highest paid female entertainer in the U.K. She sang covers of all the old standards and appeared on every variety show known to man. Always dressed in thick, fluffy tulle dresses, she would make costume changes upwards of ten times in one show. She was regarded as "the girl with the giggle in her voice." And John simply couldn't stand her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2 - A HARD DAY'S NIGHT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 2 - A HARD DAY'S NIGHT</p>
<p>••••<br/>It's been a hard day's night <br/>and I've been working like a dog. <br/>••••</p>
<p>"All right, boys. Settle in here for a bit and you'll be called for once your part in rehearsals are underway." Brian Epstein smoothed his necktie and looked around at the four men he was addressing. "No goofing off, then? Rehearsals are just as important as the performance itself."</p>
<p>The door closed behind Brian leaving the four Beatles alone in the small dressing room. George Harrison sat in a chair, head down, strumming his prized Gretch Tennessean guitar and occasionally stopping to tune a string. </p>
<p>Popping off of the makeup counter where he had been sitting, John Lennon walked towards the door. </p>
<p>"Where are you off to?" Ringo asked. </p>
<p>"Well I'm not sitting here in this coffin of a room all morning, am I?" John responded. "Bound to be birds all over out there dressed in skimpy cozzies. I'm going to go enjoy the scenery."</p>
<p>"Aye, but you know Brian'll have your head once he sees you've gone." Ringo looked at John with raised eyebrows. </p>
<p>"If Eppy had me head every single time I did the opposite of his wishes, I'd've been dead months ago." John turned to Paul, "You coming with?"</p>
<p>With a quick nod and a wink, Paul jumped up from his chair. "Come on, Richie," he said to Ringo, "sitting in this room will drive us all mad. Just a quick walk around."</p>
<p>"This one's important, yeh?" George grunted, finally looking up from his guitar. "Big show tonight."</p>
<p>John opened the dressing room door and peeked out into the hallway, then pulled his head back inside. "Aye, but we've done it before, haven't we? Just a few months ago. The Palladium may be big, but we're bigger." Taking another look out the door he added, "Come 'ed then. Just a quick jaunt around then back here."</p>
<p>The Beatles had made their debut on the television show Sunday Night At The London Palladium on October 13, 1963. Now, three months later, they returned for another performance on the show. The band's popularity had certainly taken off, and they were earning four times as much money tonight than they did last time for their place in the lineup.</p>
<p>The hallways of the dressing area were peppered with people, mostly workers donning name badges or portable two-way radios to talk to the control room. John and Paul made their way down the narrow hall leaving George and Ringo behind in the dressing room. </p>
<p>"Shouldn't there be more birds out here half starkers?" Paul asked, disappointed at the lack of half-dressed women hanging around. "Cozzie changes and whatnot?"</p>
<p>"Ah, they're either all prudes or they're onstage already." John continued to walk towards the stage, Paul following closely behind. </p>
<p>Once the pair made it into the open theatre they ducked behind some of the movable scenery and headed towards the audience seating. Most of the chairs were empty with only a few being occupied by random people, presumably managers, press, or possibly even other acts. </p>
<p>John and Paul slouched down in a pair of seats against the wall towards the back of the audience area and scanned the room. They didn't see Brian Epstein anywhere, but if he was in the studio he would no doubt find them. Brian seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to "his boys" and what they were up to. </p>
<p>"Aye, isn't that the bird you used to take the mick at back in the day?" Paul asked John, nudging him with his shoulder and pointing towards the stage. "The giggly one?"</p>
<p>John squinted and attempted to look in the direction of Paul's finger. Without his glasses he could barely see the man sitting three rows in front of them, much less the woman on stage halfway across the theatre. I should have brought my bloody glasses, he thought. How the hell was I going to appreciate half naked birds without me damn glasses?</p>
<p>"I think it is her," Paul continued. </p>
<p>John was still no closer to being able to recognize the woman on the stage when suddenly a voice came through the sound system, singing. </p>
<p>"Fly me to the moon<br/>And let me play among the stars."</p>
<p>John didn't need his glasses anymore. He recognized her voice immediately. "Well, well, whadda ya know?" he stated. "Ruby What's-Her-Name. How the hell are we sharing a bill with her?"</p>
<p>"Got me," Paul shrugged. "I didn't know she was even still singing anymore."</p>
<p>The two Beatles sat and watched Ruby Cohen rehearse her part for the show that evening. She sang through "Fly Me to the Moon," and then went into a new song, stopping and starting as technicians set sound levels. Crew members came out to place spike marks on the stage floor so Ruby and the other performers would know where to stand.</p>
<p>"Do you s'pose she's on her way out?" John pondered. "A bit passé, isn't she?"</p>
<p>Paul nodded, not fully paying attention anymore. Four women in form fitting leotards were walking onstage. Each one had a large, feathery headpiece perched on their head and donned high heels that matched their cornflower blue bodysuits. </p>
<p>"Cor, those birds have legs for days," Paul marveled. "Look at that one with the bottle blonde hair."</p>
<p>John turned his attention to the blurry figures on the right hand side of the stage. "Let's go have a see, then. I can't see for shite without my bloody glasses."</p>
<p>Taking a quick glance around to make sure Brian wasn't nearby, John and Paul slid out of the aisle of seats and made their way down towards the stage. Thankfully the leotard-wearing feather-girls were still there, huddled together on one side of the stage, while Ruby continued to sing center stage. The girls appeared to be going over some dance choreography with each other when John walked up to them. </p>
<p>"What type of bird are you, luv?" John asked the brunette closest to him. She turned and gave him a confused look which prompted John to swat at the large feather protruding from her headpiece. "Peacock? Toucan?"</p>
<p>The dancer gave a bashful smile, suddenly recognizing who John was. Paul was suddenly next to John, admiring the beautiful women, which caused the brunette to blush even more. </p>
<p>"Flamingo?" Paul interjected. "Hummingbird?"</p>
<p>"I'd like to make one of you birds hum," John said with a sly smile as he raised his eyebrows. "Or maybe you could make me hum?"</p>
<p>The four dancers were fully engaged with John and Paul, all giggling and blushing as they listened to the two Beatles flirt with them. Suddenly, both John and Paul felt a hand on their shoulder. </p>
<p>"Boys," Brian's voice calmly stated. "I see you're making yourself acquainted with these lovely dancers. Perhaps we should let them get back to their work."</p>
<p>"Aye, but one of them was going to give me lessons!" John argued, reaching out and clinging to the brunette he had flirted with. "She's going to teach me the horizontal mambo!"</p>
<p>The four dancers all giggled nervously as Brian wrangled John away from the brunette. Paul gave the girls a smile, then a wink, and finally a quick nod as he backed away from them. </p>
<p>Once off the stage, Brian let go of John with an exasperated sigh. "Is it really that difficult to just stay put, boys?"</p>
<p>"We were just taking a walk, Bri," Paul explained, "to stretch our legs."</p>
<p>Brian didn't respond. He simply kept walking with them down the hallway and back towards the dressing room. Mal Evans, one of the Beatles' roadies and assistants, was standing outside of the dressing room door. </p>
<p>"If you feel the need to stretch your legs again perhaps you can find a way to do so in your room." Brian chided, opening the door to the dressing room and depositing John and Paul inside. "And if not, Mal here will give you some pointers on how to stay put."</p>
<p>With a small nod, Brian disappeared, closing the door behind him. </p>
<p>George was still sitting in the same chair, plucking strings on his guitar. He glanced up at John and Paul with a look of told you so.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3 - BEING FOR THE BENEFIT...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 3 - BEING FOR THE BENEFIT...</p>
<p>••••<br/>The band begins at ten to six<br/>When Mr. K. performs his tricks without a sound. <br/>••••</p>
<p>"See anything good out there?" Ringo asked. </p>
<p>"Birds with birds on their heads," Paul answered as he plopped down in an empty chair. "These big feathers," he explained, motioning above his head with his hands. </p>
<p>"What's that singer's name?" John interrupted. "The giggle voice singer from the fifties. Ruby something."</p>
<p>"Ruby Cohen?" Ringo asked. </p>
<p>"That's it!" John exclaimed with a snap of his fingers. "Ruby bloody Cohen. She's out there, ya know. Singing tonight apparently."</p>
<p>"Hmmm," Ringo nodded, not entirely interested in the information. </p>
<p>Twenty minutes passed and suddenly there was a tap tap tap on the dressing room door. A short, stocky man with a headset and microphone on his head stepped inside. </p>
<p>"You're needed on the stage, gentlemen."</p>
<p>The four Beatles followed the man with the headset out the door and down the long hallway that Paul and John had walked down earlier. As they arrived at the stage they could see Brian standing with two other men, deep in conversation around Ringo's drum set. </p>
<p>"What's all that?" Paul asked, walking up to Neil Aspinal, their other assistant, who was tuning Paul's Hofner bass. </p>
<p>"Hmm?" Neil inquired. </p>
<p>"That." Paul jerked his head at the group of men, including Brian Epstein, who were congregated around the drum kit. "Is there a problem?"</p>
<p>"Nah, they're just trying to figure out camera angles is all," Neil replied, handing Paul the bass. </p>
<p>"Ta," Paul said with a nod. </p>
<p>Within a few minutes Brian and the others had finished up their discussion and walked over to the side of the stage. Ringo took his seat behind the drums, while John, Paul, and George all took their places in front of him. Sound levels were set, camera angles were marked, and over the course of the next hour the band played through their setlist, stopping and starting when needed.</p>
<p>When that part of the Beatles' portion of the rehearsal was done, everyone broke for lunch. Paul grabbed a quick bite and then went off in search of his bass to practice some more on his own. George helped himself to a plate of food, sitting and chatting with Dave Allen who was a comedian on the bill for the show that evening. Ringo and John also sat with George and some of the other entertainers. John ultimately worked his way over to the four dancers from earlier and tried to pick up where he left off. </p>
<p>Once lunch was done, all the entertainment acts were corralled back onto the stage to begin rehearsing the ending section of the show. The four Beatles, along with compére Bruce Forsyth, joined Dave Allen and Ruby Cohen on a revolving carousel where they would all be waving goodbye to the audience to the tune of "Startime."</p>
<p>It was during this part of the rehearsal that John got his first good look at Ruby. Having not been able to see her clearly earlier, he had no clue that she was no longer sporting the large beehive hairstyle that she had in the previous decade. Now she opted for a more demure look - soft bangs and a shoulder length bob with a bit of volume at the top of her head. </p>
<p>"All right then!" a voice called out, breaking John's attention from Ruby. The director was waving his arms as he spoke, motioning to the group on stage. "We'll take it from the top. Paul, George, squeeze in a bit closer to John. Dave, make sure to have your face looking towards the audience, please?"</p>
<p>The rest of the rehearsal was relatively uneventful. The carousel bit was simple to get through, and after that the four Beatles stuck around to rehearse a skit with Bruce Forsyth which included large cards with words on them. Each card was held by a Beatle, and by the end of the skit the four bandmates were forming the sentence "GET OFF YOU NIT" with the cards. </p>
<p>"That rubbish is the shite I hate," John muttered as he and the other three headed back to the dressing room. "The audience eats it up but we have to stand there like a bloody circus act."</p>
<p>"It's all good publicity though, isn't it?" Paul chided. "The fans love it. 'Sides, they gave us enough time on the bill for five songs this time."</p>
<p>There was just enough time between the end of rehearsal and the start of the show for everyone to have a quick dinner. John caught sight of Ruby again, this time talking to Brian Epstein. They looked quite friendly with each other, laughing and smiling. After a few minutes Brian broke away and headed over to where "his boys" were sitting.</p>
<p>"I'm sure you boys know of Miss Cohen," Brian began as he reached them. "She has invited you and the other performers to her flat after the show tonight. She'll be having a gathering to celebrate the production."</p>
<p>"Her home?" George asked. </p>
<p>"Yes, she has a flat in Kensington, just a short drive from here," Brian explained. "You'll be taken there directly after the performance."</p>
<p>"You know her, Eppy?" John asked. "You seemed pretty chummy over there."</p>
<p>Brian nodded. "Yes. My family has known her family for years. Good people. You're to be on your best behavior in her home."</p>
<p>Paul gave a quick nod, "Right-o, Bri."</p>
<p>At 8:25 PM the show began. The hour seemed to fly by and before long the group was onstage again to end the show with their five-song set. </p>
<p>George's lead guitar and Ringo's drums blasted the opening notes as John's rhythm guitar and Paul's bass joined in, followed shortly by both John and Paul's voices. </p>
<p>"Oh yeah I tell you something <br/>I think you'll understand..."</p>
<p>The crowd went wild with girls screaming and bouncing up and down to the music. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" segued perfectly into "This Boy," with John, Paul, and George all sharing a single microphone for their three-part harmonies. </p>
<p>After that, Paul tried to speak a few words to the audience, but was interrupted numerous times by screaming girls.</p>
<p>"Shut up!" John yelled as he did a little dance, causing the screams to rise even louder. </p>
<p>"Aye, I can't even hear what I'm saying," Paul attempted to continue. "We usually do a bit of a joke here but John couldn't think of one so we're just going to go right into our next song. We hope you like it. It's called 'All My Loving'."</p>
<p>The band rounded out the performance with "Money (That's What I Want)" and "Twist and Shout," and the screams only grew louder and more desperate from the girls in the audience once they realized the show was ending and the Beatles would soon be gone. </p>
<p>Once they completed their final bit on the rotating carousel with the other performers, the Beatles were whisked out of the building before the audience even began to file out of the theatre. Police and security were there to keep the group from being mobbed. Within a couple of minutes John, Paul, George, and Ringo were safely tucked away in a car on their way to Ruby Cohen's London flat.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4 - JOHNNY B. GOODE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 4 - JOHNNY B. GOODE</p>
<p>••••<br/>He could play his guitar<br/>Just like a-ringing a bell.<br/>Go go, go Johnny go go go!<br/>Johnny B. Goode!<br/>••••</p>
<p>The woman who opened the door looked slightly surprised to see the most popular band in England standing on her front step. She stood there staring at the quartet with a confused smile. </p>
<p>Paul was the first to speak. "This is Ruby Cohen's flat, isn't it? She invited us here after the show at the Palladium."</p>
<p>"Of course!" replied the woman, still standing in the doorway. "Of course she did! I'm her sister, Sandra. We share the flat. Please come inside."</p>
<p>Sandra stepped aside, allowing the four musicians to enter along with Mal and Neil. The home was not huge by any means, but it was certainly ample room for two women to live quite comfortably. </p>
<p>"How on earth did you manage to get here so quickly?" Sandra marveled as she ushered the group into the sitting room. "I apologize if I came off as rude at the door. I just wasn't expecting anyone yet. Ruby hasn't even arrived!"</p>
<p>"Oh, ya know," George answered, "with the fans gone potty and all, we 'ave to leg it out of places or else we get mobbed."</p>
<p>Sandra nodded. "Well, please make yourself at home. I know Ruby should be here soon." She motioned towards the small bar in the corner. "Can I get you a drink?"</p>
<p>For twenty minutes Sandra played host until Brian Epstein arrived, followed almost immediately by Ruby and her entourage of friends. Dave Allen, the comedian that appeared on the show that night also stopped in along with Bruce Forsyth, and soon Ruby's flat was bustling with people. </p>
<p>"You must have already been here while I was still in my dressing room changing!" Ruby exclaimed after finding out how long the Beatles had been in her flat. </p>
<p>George again explained how they have to zoom out of venues anymore or else risk being attacked by screaming fans. </p>
<p>With a laugh Ruby responded, "Yes, your fans do cause quite the scene! They surrounded my car thinking it was yours, and made it a bit difficult to get away."</p>
<p>"Mind if I have a go at your piano?" Paul asked once the party was in full swing. </p>
<p>"Please," Ruby responded, "help yourself."</p>
<p>Paul plopped down at the grand piano and began to tinker around, soon drawing a small crowd. He plunked out some random chords, seeming to create his own melody for a few moments, and then ended up going into a rendition of Little Richard's "Good Golly Miss Molly," the crowd of onlookers joining in with the lyrics. </p>
<p>Ruby was the loudest singer in the group. John watched her from across the room as he drank his scotch and coke from one of the fancy Italian leather couches. </p>
<p>"You guys were amazing tonight! Really had the audience going!" </p>
<p>John turned to the girl sitting next to him. He wasn't entirely sure who she was, but she had arrived right after Ruby so she was perhaps an assistant or a friend of hers. </p>
<p>"Hmm, ta," John replied with a nod. </p>
<p>"I never thought I'd be sitting next to one of you at a party," the girl gushed. "You guys are the best in England!"</p>
<p>John nodded again, this time looking more closely at the girl who was nudging her way over to him on the couch. Her dark black hair was styled in a delicate bouffant on top of her head with thick bangs covering her forehead. She suddenly looked a bit familiar, and John realized that she was one of the dancers he had been flirting with during the rehearsals. </p>
<p>"You're one of those feather girls, eh?" John asked. "The dancing birds."</p>
<p>"Yes, I'm one of the regular dancers for the show. My name is Rhonda," she replied with a smile and scooted even closer to John. </p>
<p>"Hmm, pleasure," John mumbled. He turned his attention back to the group at the piano. They were now singing Fats Domino's "Ain't That A Shame" and Ruby was leading the pack. </p>
<p>"So you guys seem to be everywhere lately," Rhonda continued. </p>
<p>John nodded again, still watching the scene across the room. For some reason he couldn't seem to stop looking at Ruby. This woman, whom he couldn't stand when he was younger, was suddenly all John could focus on. </p>
<p>"I'd love to maybe see another one of your performances." Rhonda pulled John's attention back, placing a hand on his arm. "Do you have another show coming up?"</p>
<p>"Um, yeah. We've got shows all over." Why the hell aren't I paying more attention to this bird? John thought silently. </p>
<p>"Or perhaps I could get a private performance?" she added, batting her eyes and tilting her head down so she could look up at John bashfully. </p>
<p>With a statement like that, John had no question what Rhonda wanted from him. Typically, John would have played right along, flirting back and even going so far as to find an empty room somewhere for a quickie. Rhonda was pretty enough. She certainly didn't have any qualms about making her desires known. Even so, John just couldn't seem to find enough interest in her to be bothered. For reasons he didn't understand, his attention was still drawn to Ruby singing at the piano. </p>
<p>"Ya know, George is more of a private performance bloke," John replied, standing up. "He's around here somewhere. I'm sure he'd love a private audience." If I'm not gonna take her up on it, maybe one of the others could have a go with her, he thought. </p>
<p>"Oh..." Rhonda sighed, watching John walk away.</p>
<p>This wasn't like John. Normally, any pretty girl that showed interest was fair game. He may have been married with a baby at home, but the unwritten rules of touring stated that no one is married on the road. The past year had been spent traveling, touring around Europe at lightening speed, and more nights than not were spent in the company of pretty girls just dying for a romp in bed with their favorite mop top. </p>
<p>John made his way to the small bar and refilled his glass with a long pour of scotch. As he stood there taking a few sips, Brian Epstein approached the bar to refill his own glass. </p>
<p>"Behaving yourself, I see," Brian said with a nod. </p>
<p>"Of course I am, Bri. When have I ever not behaved?"</p>
<p>Brian gave John a long look with raised eyebrows. "Hmm, if I answered that question with all the various times, I might end up standing at this bar all night."</p>
<p>"Hey, Bri?" John asked, quickly changing the subject. "How do you know Ruby so well?"</p>
<p>Brian looked across to the piano where the group was still laughing and singing along merrily. "Like I said earlier, my family has known her family for years. Jewish families tend to hold tight to other Jewish families."</p>
<p>"She's a Jew, then?" John exclaimed, surprised by the information.</p>
<p>"Yes, and none of your off color comments to her. She was very gracious to invite you boys back here tonight."</p>
<p>John put his hand up to his chest and took an exaggerated gasp. "What?! Me, off color?! I haven't the slightest clue what you mean."</p>
<p>"Just behave, John." And with that, Brian walked off into the smattering of people in the living room. </p>
<p>John looked back over at the piano which was surprisingly nearly empty now. The group of singing guests had dispersed leaving Paul sitting at the keyboard, now joined by Rhonda. She was fawning all over Paul, practically sitting in his lap and laughing a bit too hard at whatever he was saying. </p>
<p>That bird's dead set on landing a Beatle, John thought to himself.</p>
<p>Turning his attention to the other side of the room, John scanned the party-goers. Ringo was dancing with a petite, red-headed girl along with a handful of other couples in the adjoining lounge by the hi-fi speakers. Brian had worked his way into a conversation with four other businessmen in fancy suits. George was on one of the couches talking to the bottle blonde dancer with the long legs that Paul had picked out earlier in rehearsal. Mal and Neil were both chatting with Sandra, Ruby's sister, along with two other ladies on the other couch.</p>
<p>"I hope you're enjoying yourself," a voice cooed, startling John. </p>
<p>He jerked his head to his left and saw Ruby standing directly next to him. She must have snuck up on him while he was busy people watching. </p>
<p>"I hear that you boys are traveling to America in just a few weeks? Very exciting!" Ruby continued. </p>
<p>John nodded. "Yeah, we'll go from big fish in a small pond to small fish in a big pond. Assuming they don't just fry us fishies up and eat us as soon as we land, that is."</p>
<p>Laughing, Ruby placed a hand on John's arm. "Well, with the following you seem to have here, I have no doubt you'll be a hit over there, as well." She returned her hand to her drink. "Your manager was telling me about your upcoming trip."</p>
<p>"Ah, yeah you and Eppy seem pretty friendly," John replied as he looked closely at Ruby. </p>
<p>She had changed out of her performance dress and was now wearing a sleeveless, form fitting cocktail gown in a silky peach color. Her brown hair framed her face perfectly and she looked far younger than John remembered. In his youth, John had always seen Ruby as old and antiquated. She was eight years older than he was. At the height of her fame John had been 16 and Ruby, 24. That age difference seemed massive at the time, but now, as he stood staring at her, she seemed quite young and beautiful. </p>
<p>"Yes, I've known Brian for many years," Ruby smiled. "He's a lovely man and a good friend."</p>
<p>"You know he's a bit..." John flapped his hand effeminately in front of his chest, "... a bit of a poof."</p>
<p>Ruby laughed and simply placed her hand on John's arm again, choosing to neither confirm nor deny her knowledge of Brian's sexuality.  </p>
<p>"So, lovely party," John said, changing the subject. "Thanks for the invite."</p>
<p>"Well I certainly couldn't pass up having over Britain's most popular group!" Ruby gushed.</p>
<p>John and Ruby looked at each other for a moment, neither of them speaking. John took note of her hazel eyes which had flecks of green pinwheeling around the dark pupil. </p>
<p>"Well, I will let you get back to the party. I wouldn't want to hog you to myself for too long," Ruby's voice broke the silence between them. She removed her hand from John's arm and took a step away. Giving John a small wink, she turned and disappeared into the group of people mingling throughout the living room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5 - COME AND GET IT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 5 - COME AND GET IT</p>
<p>••••<br/>If you want it, here it is<br/>Come and get it.<br/>Make your mind up fast. <br/>••••</p>
<p>John ended up on the couch once again, this time next to George and the blonde dancer who both seemed to be enjoying each other's company.  </p>
<p>"Margaret," she introduced herself to John with a smile. </p>
<p>"Charmed," John replied and turned his attention to Ringo who was walking towards the couch. </p>
<p>"I'm heading out," Ringo said to John. "I'm knackered, and Mo stayed at the flat to watch the show. She's probably waiting up for me."</p>
<p>"Already?" John exclaimed looking at his wristwatch. "It's only just past midnight."</p>
<p>"Aye, it's been a long one. Just need a night's rest is all."</p>
<p>John got up and walked with Ringo towards the front door. Neil had apparently already called a car for Ringo, as there was one waiting outside on the street. John watched Ringo disappear inside the car and then closed the door to return to the party. </p>
<p>"Escaping already?" Ruby asked. </p>
<p>"Oi, you seem to just appear out of thin air!" John exclaimed, startled again by how he didn't hear her approaching. </p>
<p>Ruby laughed, "Magic!" and struck a pose with one hand lifted above her head. "Seriously though, are you leaving? The night is young!"</p>
<p>"No, no. Just seeing Ringo off. He was heading home for a kip."</p>
<p>"Well that's a shame," Ruby replied, "but I'm glad you're staying." After a small silence she added, "Would you like to see the garden? I could give you a quick tour."</p>
<p>John's eyebrows grew closer to each other as he showed his confusion. The garden? he thought. This bird wants to show me a damn garden in January?</p>
<p>"Sure, why not?" he replied, curious to see what her point was. </p>
<p>"Follow me."</p>
<p>They made their way through the crowded living room, walking past Paul who had moved from the piano to a large, floral patterned chair. John almost didn't see him at first because he was partially blocked by Rhonda sitting on his lap, batting her eyelashes only inches from his face.  </p>
<p>Ruby continued into the kitchen, John following closely behind. She paused briefly to speak to a group of partygoers standing at the counter, and John watched her as she effortlessly smiled and laughed with the group. Normally he would jump in to the conversation with a joke or quip, but for reasons he didn't quite understand, John simply stood there and observed Ruby. </p>
<p>"Just through here," Ruby turned to John, breaking away from the small group.</p>
<p>She twisted the knob to a narrow back door just off the side of the kitchen, and stepped through the doorway. John was still a bit wary of checking out some backyard garden, but he was curious as to why Ruby wanted to show it to him. He placed his scotch and coke down on the kitchen counter and followed her through the narrow exit.</p>
<p>Stepping down three brick stairs, John looked around at the yard. It was an incredibly mild January night, and the lights from the houses and street lamps nearby made it feel as if it were dusk instead of the dead of night. </p>
<p>The yard itself was somewhat small but it was filled with an abundance of flowerpots and garden beds. Most were empty but there were some that contained small plants that could apparently tolerate cold temperatures. Large stepping stones created pathways to different sections of the yard. John looked around and saw that Ruby had made her way to a tall arbor trellis in the corner.  </p>
<p>"This grapevine was started by my grandmother," Ruby stated, placing her hand on the bare wooden vine that snaked its way up and around the trellis. "This used to be her house. She said that everyone told her she was foolish to try and grow grapes, but she certainly proved them wrong. It's been producing lovely grapes every summer for decades now."</p>
<p>John didn't respond immediately, but when Ruby didn't appear to have anything more to add, he asked, "Is this what you wanted to show me, then?"</p>
<p>Ruby laughed. "No, of course not. To be completely honest, I just needed an excuse to get you away for a moment." She turned from the grapevine to face John. "You seemed a bit of a loner in there, standing at the bar by yourself. Then I find you at the front door - I thought you might be bored with the party."</p>
<p>"No, not at all," John replied, not wanting to admit that he had been preoccupied with watching her most of the evening. "Just a bit tired I suppose. It's been a lot of time on the road lately. Not much sleep."</p>
<p>Ruby nodded understandingly. She crossed her arms and rubbed them with her hands. While the weather was on the mild side for January, it was still rather chilly, especially for someone in a sleeveless gown. John removed his suit jacket and stepped closer to Ruby. </p>
<p>"You'll catch pneumonia out here dressed in that," he said, placing his jacket around Ruby's shoulders. </p>
<p>She looked up at John's face, which was now only a few inches from her own. "Thank you," she replied, still keeping her eyes trained on his. </p>
<p>There was an electricity between them, yet neither moved. John was somewhat surprised by Ruby's sudden aloofness. She had led him outside, gotten him alone, and had now positioned herself inches from him, yet she seemed to stare at him with a hint of amusement behind her eyes. John was certain that Ruby would have gone in for a kiss by now, but instead the pair stood facing each other, their lips mere inches away from each other's, and Ruby wasn't budging. </p>
<p>Perhaps I read her wrong, John thought as he continued to gaze silently at Ruby. Or maybe she's waiting for me to make the first move. </p>
<p>John leaned in and kissed Ruby, placing a hand on the back of her neck. He felt her body soften and lean into him as she returned the kiss. In contrast, he felt part of his own body stiffen in response to her, and he pressed the hardness of his erection into the softness of her upper thigh. </p>
<p>John felt Ruby's hand running down the front of his white button-down shirt. Each button made a small clicking sound as her fingernails hit it. Reaching his belt, her hand traveled farther down until she was rubbing John's hard member through the outside of his pants. This made John tighten his grasp on the back of Ruby's neck, and he parted her lips with his tongue. </p>
<p>The sounds of light traffic came from the side street as John's hand made its way to find Ruby's breast. He cupped it, squeezing lightly through the silky fabric of her dress as she continued to rub his arousal. </p>
<p>"Is there a room...?" John panted, breaking away from the kiss. </p>
<p>The backdoor suddenly swung open and voices cascaded out into the garden. Ruby quickly pulled away from John before they were noticed, putting a hand up to her hair and attempting to smooth it.  </p>
<p>"No, no, you have to appear that way, but it's all really just for show," a man's voice boomed through the night air. </p>
<p>John shot a look towards the backdoor and saw Brian and the group of businessmen he had been chatting with earlier. They were all standing around the back steps pulling out cigars and sharing a zippo lighter, one by one. </p>
<p>Before John had even turned back to Ruby, he felt something being shoved into his arms. Looking down, he saw it was his suit jacket. When he looked back up Ruby was walking briskly towards the group of men, leaving John alone in the corner of the garden, still fully aroused.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6 - I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE PARTY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 6 - I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE PARTY</p>
<p>••••<br/>I don't want to spoil the party <br/>so I'll go.<br/>I would hate my disappointment<br/> to show.<br/>There's nothing for me here <br/>so I will disappear.<br/>If she turns up while I'm gone <br/>please let me know.<br/>••••</p>
<p>"Gentlemen!" Ruby called out warmly as she approached them. "I see you've found the garden. I was just regaling Mr. Lennon with the story of my grandmother's grapevine." She motioned an arm in the direction of the trellis as she spoke. </p>
<p>John still stood in the spot where he and Ruby had been rubbing against each other just seconds earlier. The jacket that Ruby shoved at him was now draped over one arm in front of his body to conceal the arousal still bulging within his pants. As the group of gentlemen looked in his direction, John gave a smile and a small wave with his free hand. </p>
<p>The men seemed thoroughly uninterested in both John and the grapevine Ruby was chattering about, although Brian closed his eyes gave a slight shake of his head when he saw John standing awkwardly across the yard. </p>
<p>John made his way back towards the house, and as he walked past the group of men Brian raised his eyebrows at him. John attempted an innocent smile in return. </p>
<p>"Good show tonight, lad," one of the men bellowed with a strong pat on John's shoulder. "Which one are you?"</p>
<p>Before John could speak, Brian answered for him. "This is mister John Lennon. Rhythm guitar and vocals."</p>
<p>"Don't forget the harp, Bri. I play a mean mouth organ," John said in a mockingly serious tone to the businessman. "Professional harmonica-ist in me spare time."</p>
<p>"All right, John. That'll do," Brian chided. </p>
<p>John turned to see Ruby's reaction and then realized that she was no longer outside with them. He gave a tip of an imaginary hat to the group of men and made his way up the three brick steps and back inside the kitchen. </p>
<p>No Ruby, John thought to himself, scanning the kitchen. He slid his suit jacket back on, picked up his drink from the kitchen counter where he left it earlier, and walked back into the living room. Not much had changed since he left the room a few minutes earlier. Paul was still nuzzling Rhonda in the large chair, his hand resting quite high up on her thigh. Dave, the comedian from the show that night, was yucking it up with Mal Evans and two ladies. </p>
<p>Then John saw her. Ruby was sitting on one of the couches chatting with her sister and Neil Aspinal. John approached the trio casually.</p>
<p>"Neil," John nodded. </p>
<p>"Aye, John," Neil replied with a smile. "Everything good?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, ta," John responded, glancing at Ruby who was deep in conversation with her sister. "You got a ciggy? I can't seem to find mine," John lied, pretending to pat his pockets and doing his best to catch Ruby's attention. </p>
<p>Neil retrieved a packet of cigarettes from his breast pocket and handed it to John. Ruby still hadn't so much as glanced up from her conversation with her sister which confused John. </p>
<p>Is this bird trying to play hard to get? he wondered. Or maybe she's just embarrassed at almost getting caught...</p>
<p>"Ta, mate," John grunted at Neil as he returned the cigarette pack. </p>
<p>Neil removed a cigarette, stood up, and fished a matchbook out of his pants pocket. He lit his own cigarette first and then leaned over to light John's. </p>
<p>"Ladies?" Neil smiled as he offered cigarettes to Ruby and Sandra. </p>
<p>"No, thank you," Sandra replied. </p>
<p>"You don't smoke, then?" John asked.</p>
<p>"A bit hard on the voice, those things are," Ruby replied, still not looking at John. </p>
<p>John furrowed his eyebrows. "Hmm, they seem fine to me." </p>
<p>Ruby continued to speak with her sister, no longer acknowledging John. He looked around the room trying not to take it personally. The fact that Ruby had turned cold so suddenly shouldn't be bothering him. </p>
<p>I could have any bird in this room, he thought. Just walk away.</p>
<p>"Where's George, then?" John asked, looking at Neil. </p>
<p>"I think I saw him leaving a bit ago," Neil responded. "Him and that blonde girl."</p>
<p>John sighed. He looked around the room again. Paul was still sitting with Rhonda on his lap, although by the looks of things, they might likely be leaving together soon as well. </p>
<p>I should've just taken her up on it, John thought. She was a sure bet. </p>
<p>He looked back over at Ruby, trying to figure out if maybe he had done or said something wrong to make her turn on him so quickly. She had certainly seemed keen on him out in the garden. If anything, she had initiated the whole thing by bringing him out there.</p>
<p>Making his way back to the bar yet another time, John topped off his scotch and coke and stood there looking around the room. He glanced at his watch. 1:22 AM. </p>
<p>I should head home, he thought to himself. Cyn's probably up with the baby. Probably waiting for me, too. </p>
<p>John downed a large gulp from his glass and then placed it on the bar. He walked back over to Neil who was still seated with Ruby and Sandra. </p>
<p>"Ring a car for me, eh?" John requested. </p>
<p>Neil turned to look at John. "Right," he replied, standing up from the couch. "Give me a minute to make a call then."</p>
<p>Neil excused himself and walked away to find the phone. John stood next to the couch berating himself for still being even remotely interested in Ruby. </p>
<p>"I'm off then," John said in the direction of Ruby and Sandra. "Thanks for the party invite."</p>
<p>Ruby glanced up from her conversation. This was the first time she had looked at him since leaving the garden. </p>
<p>"Going already?" Ruby asked. </p>
<p>"Yeah well, it's getting late," John offered as an explanation. "I should be getting home I suppose."</p>
<p>Sandra stood up from the couch and stuck out a hand. "It was such a pleasure having you boys over this evening," she gushed. "You're always welcome here."</p>
<p>"Thank you," John replied, shaking her hand. </p>
<p>"Yes," Ruby agreed, "you all are always welcome here, assuming your busy schedule allows you any free time."</p>
<p>"Thanks. That's very kind of you," John replied. </p>
<p>"Car'll be here in a mo'!" Neil called from few feet away, walking back from the phone. </p>
<p>"Please let me walk you out," Ruby smiled as she reached over and linked a hand through John's arm so that he could escort her. </p>
<p>John raised an eyebrow. Perhaps this bird wasn't as hot and cold as he originally thought, although she certainly did seem to be able to change her mood on a dime. </p>
<p>As the pair walked towards the front door John turned his eyes towards Ruby at his side. </p>
<p>"Sorry if all those blokes scared you, coming outside like that," John said in a hushed voice. </p>
<p>"Don't be silly," Ruby replied. "It's a party. People are all over. That's to be expected."</p>
<p>Outside on the street a black car pulled up to the curb and parked. John saw this through the small window at the top of the front door. </p>
<p>"Well, that's me," he said, motioning to the car. </p>
<p>"Yes, looks like it," Ruby nodded. "Thank you again for coming by."</p>
<p>She leaned in and placed a friendly kiss on John's cheek. As she did, John felt her hand slip inside his trouser pocket. Suddenly, still inside the pocket, her hand turned and grazed against John's knob. Through the fabric, she wrapped her delicate fingers around it causing John to respond immediately, stiffening within her grasp. </p>
<p>"Do come again," Ruby sweetly purred and removed her hand from John's pants. </p>
<p>She opened the front door so that John could walk out to the car. Neil was suddenly beside them, making sure that John made it safely from the house into the car. </p>
<p>"Check your pocket," Ruby called out with a mischievous smile as John was climbing inside the car. Then she disappeared back inside the house. </p>
<p>"13 Emperor's Gate," Neil said to the driver through an open window. "No other stops. And make sure he actually gets inside the building before you drive off." </p>
<p>Once inside the car, John reached a hand inside his pants pocket which had housed Ruby's hand only a moment earlier. He pulled out a folded piece of paper. Unfolding it, John found a series of numbers written on it: a phone number. Under that, a few words were written in looping cursive handwriting. </p>
<p>Perhaps we could pick up where we were so rudely interrupted...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7 - GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 7 - GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING</p>
<p>•••<br/>Nothing to do to save his life,<br/>Call his wife in.<br/>Nothing to say but what a day, <br/>How's your boy been?<br/>Nothing to do it's up to you.<br/>I've got nothing to say, but it's okay. <br/>Good morning, good morning.<br/>••••</p>
<p>After being dutifully delivered to his address, John opened the door to the building and heard the car behind him driving away. Thankfully at this late hour there were no fans hanging around outside on the street. He made his way up the multitude of stairs to the top floor. Sticking the key in the lock, John quietly opened the door, not wanting to wake Cynthia or Julian. </p>
<p>Once inside it became apparent that there was no need for him to be quiet. Cynthia was seated on the small couch cradling their 9 month old son in one arm, while holding a bottle to his mouth with the other.</p>
<p>"Hi," Cynthia greeted John with a warm smile. </p>
<p>"Hey," John replied, walking into the living room. "How's the little man?" </p>
<p>"Hungry! He had me up at 11 wanting a bottle and then again just now. I worry he's not eating enough during the day."</p>
<p>"Ah, I'm sure he's fine, Cyn."</p>
<p>"So how was the show?" Cynthia asked as John joined her on the couch. "I watched your performance. That audience was so loud it even came through the telly."</p>
<p>"Not bad. Except that rubbish bit with the cards and all."</p>
<p>"Aww, I thought that part was quite cute," Cynthia said with a smile. She placed the now-empty bottle on the coffee table and propped up Julian on her shoulder to burp. "Daddy's here," she cooed as she patted his back and then lifted him over to John. </p>
<p>"I'm knackered, Cyn," he replied, placing a quick kiss on Julian's forehead. </p>
<p>"It's quite late. I didn't know you'd be home at this hour."</p>
<p>"Aye, well Eppy had us shipped over to some bird's house for the afterparty. That Ruby woman that sang on the show as well. She's friends with Bri and invited the whole lot over." John leaned back into the couch and shoved a hand into his pants pocket as he spoke, rubbing the folded piece of paper between his fingers. </p>
<p>Cynthia nodded. </p>
<p>John then stood up from the couch. He leaned over and placed a kiss on Cynthia's lips. "I'll have a quick bath and then come to bed."</p>
<p>"All right."</p>
<p>In the locked bathroom John removed the piece of paper from his pocket and stared at it, reading the words again.</p>
<p>Perhaps we could pick up where we were so rudely interrupted...</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>The following morning John slept in late. It was a rare day off for the band, and it was nearly noon before John made his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Cynthia was feeding their young son some mashed bananas for lunch.</p>
<p>After tea and a bowl of Cornflakes, John lounged on the couch with the television on in the background while flipping through the Monday paper that Cynthia had brought inside. The phone began to ring and John heard his wife answer it in the kitchen. </p>
<p>"It's Paul on the line," Cynthia announced, walking into the living room with Julian in her arms. </p>
<p>After a short conversation and then ringing off with Paul, John found Cynthia in the small living room sitting on the floor with Julian. She was holding his tiny wrists, one in each hand, and helping him to stand and balance himself. </p>
<p>"He's just so close to standing on his own," she said to John as he walked in. "I can just feel it. He wants to do it so badly but can't quite get it."</p>
<p>"He'll get it." John joined them on the floor. "Yes then, you'll get it Jules," he said in a baby voice. "Tell mummy you'll stand up when you're good and ready."</p>
<p>Julian looked at his father's face. "Bah! Bababa guh bah!" </p>
<p>"See there, Cyn? That meant 'yes da', I'll stand up when I'm ready and not a moment before.' Don't worry." John stood up. "I'm off to Paul's."</p>
<p>"I thought we might have some time today," Cynthia sighed. "You're gone again tomorrow for so long."</p>
<p>"Well if Paul and I don't write the songs then who will?" John asked. "Ringo?"</p>
<p>Cynthia gave a half-hearted laugh and looked up from the floor at John. "Well perhaps Paul could come here, then?" </p>
<p>"No, he said he had something to show me at his."</p>
<p>With a sigh, Cynthia relented. "All right then. Can I make you a bit of lunch before you go?"</p>
<p>"Yes, but quickly."</p>
<p>Moments later, Cynthia placed two plates on the kitchen table - one containing cheese sandwiches and the other, cucumber sandwiches, all sliced into triangles. John quickly scarfed down a few of each, chasing them with a few sips of tea. </p>
<p>"Ta, love. I'm off, then," he mumbled as he quickly kissed Cynthia goodbye. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>The cab deposited John and his guitar case in front of the five-story home on Wimpole Street in the Marylebone section of London. Paul had recently moved into the house belonging to the parents of his girlfriend, Jane Asher. Both Jane and her brother Peter lived there as well, and Paul was easily welcomed, taking a top floor attic room for his own.</p>
<p>Once inside the lavish home, John plopped down on a soft couch. He and Paul had made their way down to the basement and were sitting in the music room belonging to Jane's mother. </p>
<p>Paul was at the piano mindlessly playing chords, some of which clashed horribly and others that seemed to flow seamlessly together. John looked at his watch and found it to be just after 2:00. </p>
<p>Soon enough, the pair began trading musical melodies. John bounced a few ideas off Paul while playing a new song he had recently been working on. </p>
<p>"It'll have to be a harmony on the middle eight," John explained. "Melody's too high. I can't reach it without sounding dodgy."</p>
<p>"Show us, then," Paul requested, sliding off the piano bench and picking up his guitar. </p>
<p>John strummed a chord on his acoustic guitar and began the first verse. </p>
<p>"If I fell in love with you<br/>Would you promise to be true..."</p>
<p>After an hour of work John put down his guitar. </p>
<p>"Mind if I use your phone?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Go 'head," Paul answered without looking up from the guitar in his hands. "Should be one in the back room there," he indicated with a nod towards the separate office room at the back of the basement.</p>
<p>Sitting at the desk in the empty office, John retrieved the folded bit of paper that he had hidden in his pocket earlier that afternoon. He held it between his fingers, staring at it for a moment. </p>
<p>This is ridiculous, John thought to himself, rubbing his thumb over the paper. What will calling her accomplish other than proving me a fool?</p>
<p>Cursing himself inwardly, John lifted the receiver and began to call the number written on the paper. His finger turned the dial with each number as he sandwiched the receiver between his ear and shoulder. </p>
<p>One ring. </p>
<p>Two rings. </p>
<p>By the third ring John was ready to hang the phone up, but as the fourth ring began, the line picked up. </p>
<p>"Hello?"</p>
<p>John studied the female voice for a second trying to place whether it was Ruby's or Sandra's. Of course, knowing neither of their voices well enough to distinguish them from each other made the task rather impossible. </p>
<p>"Hello," John finally responded. "Ruby please, if she's home."</p>
<p>"Who shall I say is calling?"</p>
<p>A-ha! John thought. Must be Sandra, then.</p>
<p>"John. I was at the party last night. I think I may have left something behind," John lied. </p>
<p>There was a second of silence on the line and then the same voice spoke again. "So I assume you found my note then?"</p>
<p>John tilted his head, confused for a moment. "Ruby?" he asked. </p>
<p>Light laughter came through the receiver. "But of course."</p>
<p>"Well you had me rattled for a sec," John replied. "I thought you must be Sandra with the way you answered."</p>
<p>"I screen all my phone calls," Ruby's voice melted through the phone. "Surely you must do the same."</p>
<p>"I s'pose."</p>
<p>"So... to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?" Ruby asked. Even though John couldn't see her, he could tell she was smiling by the tone of her voice.</p>
<p>"Well your little note certainly left me believing that you might want me to ring you."</p>
<p>Her voice still smiling, Ruby responded, "Yes, I suppose that was the intention."</p>
<p>John was a bit unsure how to respond. Ruby was quite difficult to get a good read on. Most girls that approached John nowadays were either stark-raving mad and trying to snip bits of his hair or rip his clothes off, or they were practically ripping their own clothes off in an attempt to get John in bed. Ruby was neither of these. </p>
<p>"Well, your little plan worked," John finally replied. "You got me to ring you. Now what?"</p>
<p>"Well, let's see. You mentioned that you left something here. What might that be?"</p>
<p>A bit of my dignity, John thought. My bollocks, perhaps. </p>
<p>"Nothing actually," John answered, feeling a bit ridiculous. "I thought you were Sandra when you answered. Figured I needed a reason to be calling."</p>
<p>"That's certainly a shame. If you had forgotten something, that would be a reason for you to stop by again." The smile was evident in Ruby's voice again. </p>
<p>John chuckled silently. "Come to think of it, I may have left my lighter there after all."</p>
<p>"Ah, well I haven't found any lighters laying around. Perhaps you might need to come take a look yourself? Retrace your steps?"</p>
<p>"Right. That's probably smart. Can't have you tearing up the flat looking for it." John was playing Ruby's game and gaining a bit of confidence as he did so. </p>
<p>"Well, I have no plans to leave the flat for the duration of the afternoon.  You're more than welcome to pop over and we'll see if we can find that lost lighter of yours."</p>
<p>After ringing off with Ruby, John returned to the music room. Paul hadn't moved an inch from his spot on the couch, still tinkering with his own guitar. </p>
<p>"I'm off. Cyn needs me to do a few things before tomorrow."</p>
<p>Paul looked up and nodded, "Aye."</p>
<p>During the fifteen minute cab ride from Paul's to Ruby's, John began to feel nervous. What the bloody fuck is wrong with me? he wondered. This fucking bird is no different than any of the others. </p>
<p>Of course, deep down, John knew this wasn't true in the least.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8 - THE NIGHT BEFORE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 8 - THE NIGHT BEFORE</p>
<p>••••<br/>Were you telling lies, <br/>Ah, the night before?<br/>Was I so unwise, <br/>Ah, the night before?<br/>When I held you near <br/>You were so sincere<br/>Treat me like you did the night before.<br/>••••</p>
<p>John knocked on the front door to Ruby's flat and stood there waiting for a response. His guitar case was slung across his shoulder as he couldn't have left it at Paul's, but he didn't dare run home first. After a moment the door opened and Sandra stood opposite John on the other side of the threshold.  </p>
<p>"Twice in less than twenty four hours!" Sandra boasted with a smile. "One might think we were becoming 'hip' after all, what with Beatles showing up at our door now."</p>
<p>John smiled genuinely at Sandra. "Is that what the kids these days are saying?" he asked in a mock old-man voice. "Hip, are we?"</p>
<p>Sandra laughed and stepped aside to allow John inside the flat. "Ruby said you may have left something here last night. She's in the lounge." Sandra motioned towards the room immediately off the living room.</p>
<p>In all his comings and goings last night in the flat, John hadn't made his way fully into the lounge room. He followed Sandra as she led him there. </p>
<p>It was situated directly off the living room and housed an extensive collection of records, all situated on shelves lining one entire wall of the room. John was a bit shocked as he walked in the room and saw such a vast collection. The walls not filled with shelves of records were instead covered with framed portraits of Ruby from various photo shoots or live performances. Flamenco dancing dolls were scattered on side tables amongst an array of glass vases and ornamental statues. One prominent table on the far side of the room boasted a large silver tray full of bottles of various spirits.</p>
<p>"Ah, Mr. Lennon!" Ruby exclaimed, standing up from one of the couches as John walked in the room. </p>
<p>She was wearing a modest knee length dress in a dark navy blue color. A golden ruffled fabric accentuated the hem at the bottom and also around the neckline. It was quite the opposite of the large, lavish dresses Ruby was known for, and was certainly a contrast to the silky gown she had worn at the party last night.</p>
<p>"Miss Cohen," John nodded as he silently took stock of the room. "Quite the record collection you have there."</p>
<p>"Thank you," Ruby nodded. "It's a prized possession of mine."</p>
<p>"Oh lord," Sandra joked. "Get her started on those records and she'll never stop." </p>
<p>"Oh, you hush," Ruby chided and shooed her sister out of the lounge. Turning to John she added, "Feel free to browse through the collection if you'd like. The hi-fi table is right over there. Help yourself."</p>
<p>John leaned his guitar case against the couch and removed his jacket, draping it over the case. He walked over to the wall of records and ran a finger across a row of album sleeves, glancing at the artist names and album titles as he went. There was a large collection of various musical soundtracks; The King and I, Carousel, and South Pacific were just a few. There was also a multitude of albums by Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Elvis Presley, and countless other recording artists. When John's fingers hit a specific record sleeve, he came to an abrupt stop. </p>
<p>"You listen to Cliff Richard?" he asked, turning his head to find Ruby.</p>
<p>"I listen to many things," Ruby replied with a smile. </p>
<p>"Before Cliff and the Shadows, there had been nothing worth listening to in British music." John turned back to look at the wall of records. "You never struck me as the rock n' roll type."</p>
<p>Ruby gave an amused laugh. "Do I dare ask what I struck you as?"</p>
<p>John didn't answer immediately. He was reminded of the many times that he used to make fun of Ruby in his youth. After running his finger over a few more records down the row, he finally answered, "You just always seemed like more of a Big Band, crooner type, I s'pose."</p>
<p>"Well," Ruby considered John's words, "I don't think genres of music have to be mutually exclusive. Perhaps I do enjoy the crooners, as you say. But I can also appreciate rock n' roll as well."</p>
<p>John turned back to Ruby. She had taken a seat again on the large couch and appeared to be quite amused as she watched John. She patted the seat cushion next to her. </p>
<p>"Come. Sit," she said. "Could I offer you a drink, perhaps?"</p>
<p>"I'm all right over here," John responded, not moving. </p>
<p>He was determined not to let Ruby continue to have the upper hand. All last night she seemed to be able to stay one step ahead of John, sneaking up behind him more than once, leaving him high and dry in the garden, and then seductively sneaking that note into his pocket as he left. If he hadn't been so damned befuddled by her, John could have tried to turned the tables. Today, that was his goal. No bird was going to one-up him. </p>
<p>"Suit yourself, then," Ruby replied, still seeming rather amused by John. "How about a drink though?"</p>
<p>"All right."</p>
<p>Ruby stood and walked over to the large table on the other side of the room which housed the tray of various alcohols. </p>
<p>"Brandy? Scotch?" she asked. "Wine, perhaps?"</p>
<p>"Scotch'll do."</p>
<p>Ruby poured two glasses and then offered one to John. Instead of returning to the couch, she stood next to him and perused her record collection. She set down her glass and selected an album, removing it from the shelf. Making her way to the expensive looking wooden hi-fi, she removed the vinyl disc from its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. Soon a man's voice came through the built-in speakers. </p>
<p>"You know I'm almost grown.<br/>Yeah 'n' I'm doin' all right in school.<br/>They ain't said I broke no rule..."</p>
<p>"Chuck Berry, eh?" John nodded, taking a swig of his drink. </p>
<p>"Just to show you I'm not quite the square some might think I am," Ruby bubbled as she walked back and stood next to John. "I might not sing it, but I do listen to it."</p>
<p>"Ah, the sinister sounds and bad influences of rock n' roll have made their way into the heart of Miss Ruby Cohen herself? Naughty bird, you are." John teased, looking her square in the eyes. </p>
<p>"Speaking of bad influences, I got quite the earful about you from your manager after you left last night."</p>
<p>"Eppy singin' me praises, is he?" John asked with a wicked smile. </p>
<p>"Of course Brian is neither blind nor oblivious to the goings on around him. Especially when it comes to you boys." Ruby inched closer to John, both of them still standing beside the shelves of records. "Seems he had no doubts of what was going on out in the garden. He went on to tell me to be careful with you lot."</p>
<p>"Did he?" John smirked, still looking in Ruby's eyes. </p>
<p>"Wicked heartbreakers you all are. Trouble with a capital T." Ruby turned so that her body was facing John. </p>
<p>"And what were your thoughts on all this, Miss Cohen?"</p>
<p>"Well, I find it a bit interesting because I'm actually quite fond of trouble," Ruby responded with large eyes. She took a small step forward, closing the remaining gap between them. </p>
<p>The needle on the record moved on to the next song. As Chuck's voice began to implore Oh Carol, don't let him steal your heart away, John pressed his lips to Ruby's, intent on keeping in control of the situation this time around. Or, at the very least, leveling the playing field. Ruby returned the kiss readily.</p>
<p>"Rube!" Sandra's voice called from within the flat. "I'm going out for a bit. Do you need me to pick anything up while I'm out?" </p>
<p>By the time she finished her question, Sandra was standing at the entrance to the lounge. John and Ruby had pulled away from each other and were innocently standing as if they had merely been mutually admiring the wall of records. </p>
<p>"No, thank you though," Ruby answered. </p>
<p>Sandra disappeared from the lounge, and a moment later the front door could be heard opening and then closing. </p>
<p>"Are there any more people in here that might manage to pop out of the woodwork just when things are starting to get good?" John asked. "Seems to be a running theme."</p>
<p>Ruby laughed, "No, at least for the time being." She stepped closer to John again and rubbed her thumb across his chin. "Now where were we?"</p>
<p>John again leaned in to kiss Ruby, this time placing a hand around her waist and pulling her into his body. They kissed for quite some time until Ruby finally pulled away. </p>
<p>"No obligations today?" she asked. "Can you stay for a bit?"</p>
<p>John looked at his watch. 3:42 PM. His thoughts briefly turned to Cynthia at home with Julian. Usually his galavanting with other girls had been reserved for touring, not here at home, but he quickly pushed that thought aside.</p>
<p>"Today's a rare day off," John answered. "I can stay for a bit."</p>
<p>Ruby smiled and slid a hand through the crook of John's arm. "I was hoping you might say that," she replied, leading him out of the lounge and down the hallway.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9 - POLYTHENE PAM</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 9 - POLYTHENE PAM</p>
<p>••••<br/>She's the kind of a girl<br/>That makes "The News of the World."<br/>Yes, you could say she was attractively built.<br/>••••</p>
<p>From the hallway, Ruby led John into the second door on the right. Once inside, John quickly took inventory of the room. A large, lavish four-poster bed frame in a dark wood was the focal point of the room. It boasted a padded, mustard yellow fabric accent on the headboard which matched both the sitting chair in the corner and also the thick curtains that hung from the two windows in the room. The bed itself was made up with a dark green chennile bedspread. On the wall next to the door sat an intricate vanity table and mirror with a plethora of perfume vaporizers and fluffy makeup puffs. A tall bureau stood against the opposite wall, directly next to the closet. </p>
<p>John wasted no time pulling Ruby close to him again. He pressed his lips against hers and returned his hand to her waist. Ruby's hands moved over John's body, placing one on his chest and the other behind his head. A moment later John felt Ruby's fingers working their way down his checkered button-down shirt, making her way down to the waistband of his pants. </p>
<p>"Ah-ah-ah" John scolded, wagging a finger back and forth and jokingly chastising her. "Ladies first," he continued with a sly smile. </p>
<p>Ruby stopped and took a step backwards away from John. She said nothing as she reached both hands behind her. With her eyes staring straight into John's, the sound of a zipper being pulled was the only noise that could be heard. Once fully unzipped, Ruby brought her hands back around to her front and delicately pulled at each sleeve, one at a time, removing her arms from within them. </p>
<p>In one swift motion, Ruby let go of the dress and let it fall to the floor around her feet. John stared at her body admiring her curves. Her bra and panties were both white with a lace accent. A garter belt hugged her hips, holding up the stockings on her legs. </p>
<p>"Your turn, Mr. Lennon," Ruby cooed.</p>
<p>John quickly removed his shirt which was already mostly unbuttoned from Ruby a moment earlier. His belt was easily unbuckled and then he fumbled with the button and zipper of his pants before dropping them both to the floor. Standing only in his white Y-fronts he stared at Ruby and took a step towards her, stepping out of his shoes and pants which were now pooled on the floor. </p>
<p>John eagerly began to kiss her again and reached a hand up to cup one of Ruby's breasts, still covered by her bra. Ruby gently placed her hands on his shoulders and backed him up toward the bed, ultimately giving him a small shove so that he was forced to sit on the edge of the mattress.</p>
<p>Sitting there in front of Ruby, John took in the sight as he watched her reach behind her back and unclasp her bra. Within seconds it was gone from her body, and her bare breasts were eye level with John. Next came the garter belt and stockings. </p>
<p>John was bulging within his tight underwear as he watched Ruby undress in front of him. He had to stifle the urge to reach out and pull her body towards him. She seemed to be getting great pleasure from her little striptease and John was enjoying the show as well. </p>
<p>Once her stockings were off, Ruby stepped into John, standing between his parted thighs as he continued to sit on the edge of the bed. John grabbed one breast with his hand and pressed his face into the other, taking the nipple into his mouth. Ruby let out a small moan. Her hands were suddenly in John's hair, rubbing and grasping at it as his tongue flicked back and forth across her nipple. </p>
<p>Wrapping an arm around Ruby's waist, John leaned back and pulled her onto the bed. She landed on top of him, straddling his hips. The fabric of John's Y-fronts and Ruby's panties were the only barrier between them now. Rubbing against each other, John and Ruby kissed and continued to explore each other's bodies.</p>
<p>It didn't take long before both were tugging at the fabrics keeping them apart. As John tossed his underwear on the floor, Ruby reached over to a drawer of the bedside table, retrieving a condom. Having had more practice than ever over the past year, John unwrapped it and had it on within a matter of seconds.</p>
<p>He rolled over and positioned himself so that he was on top of Ruby. With a slow, continuous movement he entered her, and a small gasp escaped from Ruby's lips. </p>
<p>Both John and Ruby seemed to be lost in a sense of timelessness as their bodies writhed together. Neither one said much, but their bodies spoke for them. An arched back, a tightened grasp, a moan or grunt were all the language they needed. When John finally fell back into the bed, his face dewey with sweat and his chest heavy with labored breathing, he looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was nearly 4:45. </p>
<p>John looked over at Ruby who was already sitting up and gathering clothing items from the bed and the floor nearby. She grabbed a silk dressing gown and slid her arms through the sleeves, wrapping the fabric around her naked curves. </p>
<p>"You'll have to be off soon," Ruby said with a twinkle in her eye. "Unless you'd like to stay for the dinner party, of course."</p>
<p>John looked at Ruby sideways, still catching his breath. "Dinner party?"</p>
<p>"Yes, just a few close friends. We have people over quite often."</p>
<p>John sat up, looking around for his clothing as they spoke. "A quick shag before dinner and all's right with the world, then?" he asked jokingly. </p>
<p>Ruby laughed, "Hardly, Mr. Lennon. Don't be mistaken to think that this is a regular occurrence for me."</p>
<p>"Well you certainly could have fooled me with your games last night."</p>
<p>Ruby continued to laugh as she sat down at the vanity and tinkered with the perfume bottles in front of her. "I've never been one to pass up something that I want once I see it." She turned slightly in her chair to look at John. "You were quite a bit different than the other three last night."</p>
<p>"How do ya mean?" John asked, buttoning up his pants. </p>
<p>"Well, the others seemed to have girls crawling all over them, reveling in the attention. You, on the other hand, seemed to be a bit of a loner as I mentioned last night." She paused for a beat. "I found that rather intriguing."</p>
<p>A bit defensively, John responded, "I told ya last night, I was just tired. All this touring's exhausting, 'at's all."</p>
<p>"Yes, of course," Ruby nodded. "Well, I do need to start getting ready before my guests arrive. And I suppose you need to be getting home to your wife?"</p>
<p>Caught off guard, John peered at Ruby. "How'd you know about that?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Brian," she answered simply. "I believe that may have been the 'capital T' portion of the trouble he was warning me about."</p>
<p>John nodded, "Right, well..." his voice trailed off. </p>
<p>"But if you would like to stay for the dinner party, you're certainly welcome to. All four of you lads. Your wife, too." Ruby grinned and spun back around to face the mirror of the vanity. </p>
<p>"Thanks and all, but I don't -"</p>
<p>"Of course," Ruby interrupted. </p>
<p>"No, it's just that we leave tomorrow for Paris," John continued. "Long stint there and then off to America."</p>
<p>With a smile, Ruby stood up from the vanity. "Such exciting times ahead for you boys." She placed a hand on John's shoulder and a kiss on his cheek. "I'm sure you can manage to see yourself out? I really do need to get ready before the doorbell starts ringing like mad."</p>
<p>"Course," John responded, a little unnerved. Typically the girls were begging to stick around after a shag. He would have to have Mal or Neil escort them out, or just kick them out himself. This one was trying to get rid of him.  </p>
<p>"Best of luck in America," Ruby added as she sat back down at the vanity, studying herself in the mirror. "I'm sure I'll speak to Mr. Epstein once you've all arrived back home. Perhaps we could have another big party here as a celebration once you're back."</p>
<p>"Right," John nodded and placed a hand on the doorknob of the bedroom. "Sounds nice."</p>
<p>John made his way back to the lounge to retrieve his jacket and guitar case. The Chuck Berry record on the hi-fi had long since ended. It was simply spinning round and round on the turntable, the needle having made its way to the very center of the record.</p>
<p>John looked again at the wall of records as he put his jacket on. This bird is something else, he thought to himself. </p>
<p>The front door opened as John was walking out of the lounge, and Sandra came in holding two paper bags. </p>
<p>"Oh, you're still here!" she exclaimed. "Are you staying for dinner?"</p>
<p>"No, just heading out, actually," John replied briskly. "Ruby's already off getting ready for your dinner party."</p>
<p>"Ah, very well. Do you need a lift?" Sandra asked. "My driver is still there on the curb. I have two more bags to go retrieve."</p>
<p>John suddenly realized that he hadn't thought ahead enough to figure out how he was getting home. He could call a cab, or Neil, or even his occasional chauffeur, Bill Corbett, but that would mean waiting around for a car to arrive. "Oh, yeah I s'pose I could use a ride, actually," he replied. </p>
<p>Sandra placed the two bags down. "Follow me, then. I'll tell the driver you're getting in."</p>
<p>"Ta."</p>
<p>During the ride back to his flat, John tried to think about something other than Ruby. The group was leaving for France tomorrow and would be gone for quite awhile, following that with their first visit to America. Still, as hard at he tried, John's thoughts seemed to ultimately cycle back to Ruby. </p>
<p>Bloody asking me to see myself out, he thought. Who does she think she is, even? </p>
<p>When the car pulled up in front of his building there was a multitude of girls standing on the sidewalk, suddenly peering through the car windows. Camera bulbs flashed and the girls all squealed when John stepped out. He signed a few quick autographs and made a few jokes as the girls all screamed with excitement, some grabbing at him to try and nick a handkerchief or anything else they could get their hands on. </p>
<p>That's more like it, John thought. Those birds know how to appreciate a fella. </p>
<p>Once safely inside the building John adjusted his guitar case on his shoulder, took a breath to clear his head, and vowed to himself not to give Ruby Cohen another thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10 - BACK IN THE USSR</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 10 - BACK IN THE USSR</p>
<p>••••<br/>Been away so long I hardly <br/>knew the place.<br/>Gee, it's good to be back home.<br/>Leave it till tomorrow <br/>to unpack my case.<br/>Honey disconnect the phone.<br/>••••</p>
<p>The day after his rendezvous with Ruby was a busy one. John spent the morning and early afternoon with Cynthia and Julian, but that evening he, along with Paul, George, Brian, and Mal, boarded a flight from Heathrow Airport bound for Paris. Ringo had missed the flight with the rest of the band. Having taken a trip to Liverpool on their day off, he ended up stuck there due to fog. Thank God for Neil Aspinall who stuck behind in order to make sure Ringo arrived the following day.</p>
<p>With Ringo arriving in the nick of time, the Beatles began their stint in France with a performance at the Cinema Cyrano in Versailles where they played a warm-up show with all of the artists participating in the forthcoming three-week season at the Paris Olympia. The time in France was nice, although it was quite different than England. The constant screaming they had all become accustomed to from the female fans in England was not as prevalent in Paris. </p>
<p>"Quite a lot of blokes at the shows here," Paul had commented at some point. </p>
<p>However different the audiences may have been, one thing remained the same. Each evening after all the bands and performers had played, the steady stream of girls angling for "private meetings" with the boys began. Whatever language barrier may have existed was easily remedied by the universal language of the body. Neil and Mal proved themselves invaluable as always, bringing in select girls for the lads and then making sure the girls were dutifully escorted out once the evening's activities were finished. </p>
<p>The four Beatles arrived back in London on February 5th and were immediately whisked off into a press conference. John sat in a chair, grouped with Paul, George, and Ringo, as a reporter grilled them about their most recent performances. </p>
<p>"What was the reaction like in France?" asked the reporter. </p>
<p>George was the first to answer. "The audiences were a bit funny, you see. There were more boys than girls, and we missed the good ol' screams. But you know, there were quite a lot of shouts."</p>
<p>"You mean they actually listened to you? That's the difference, is it?" the reporter followed up. </p>
<p>George agreed with a "Yeah." </p>
<p>"What's the French electrical supply like over there?"</p>
<p>"It's good actually," Paul jumped in. "Oh, the equipment's great. But on the first night, as you may know, we had a bit of trouble. We suddenly found there was a radio program just sort of plugging into everything, and it overloaded all the amps and everything. They just went, 'Boomf!'" He accentuated his description with his hands. </p>
<p>The line of questions soon turned to the looming American tour. The reporter made his way from Paul to Ringo with the microphone. </p>
<p>"Looking forward to this American trip, have you had any reaction over there? Have you got any fan clubs going as we speak?"</p>
<p>Ringo gave a smile, "Well, there's one supposed to be started and they're getting quite a good response, you know. Twelve thousand letters a day!" </p>
<p>Everyone got a good laugh at Ringo's answer. </p>
<p>"I must tell you, by the way," the reporter continued, "that Detroit University has got a 'Stamp Out The Beatles' movement."</p>
<p>"We've got a 'Stamp Out Detroit!'" Paul joked, and everyone laughed again. </p>
<p>"They think your haircuts are un-American."</p>
<p>John couldn't help himself with a comment like that. "Well, it was very observant of them because we aren't American, actually," he deadpanned. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>The days after that were nothing but a blur. On February 7, 1964, the Beatles traveled to America and, boy oh boy, did America ever welcome them. </p>
<p>As the plane began its descent towards the runways at JFK airport in New York City, John calculated the Beatles' odds. He stared at the back of the seat in front of him, nervously clutching Cynthia's hand next to him. There were so many variables that would determine their success: whether their music would sustain its initial popularity in the States; how well the tickets were selling for their upcoming concerts; whether their appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show would go over well. </p>
<p>From the air the terminals looked alive, almost as if they were moving on their own. Before the wheels even touched the ground it became obvious as to what the movement was. Masses of kids were everywhere. It looked as if many had scrambled over barricades and fences just to get a look at the Beatles' arrival. </p>
<p>"Look at that bloody amount of people!" Paul exclaimed as they were landing. </p>
<p>"Who's here?" asked a confused George. "Is their President flying in today as well or something?"</p>
<p>"It's all for us, you nit," John replied, amazed at what he was seeing. "Look at all the signs they're holding."</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>After two weeks in America, traveling up and down the East Coast from New York to Washington DC to Miami, the Beatles headed back home to London. The barrage of people, concerts, and constant traveling had been such a surreal experience - nothing even close to what the band had experienced touring through Europe. The American fans made it very clear - America loved the Beatles and in a HUGE way!</p>
<p>After arriving back in London, John was attempting to make up for lost sleep. It was just after 11:00 AM when Cynthia came in to wake John up. </p>
<p>"Are you fucking serious, Cyn?" John barked, rolling over in bed. "My first bloody day to get any fucking rest and you're in here with your little voice yapping in me ear."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, John," Cynthia replied. "It's just that Brian's on the line and it's the second time this morning."</p>
<p>"Brian can piss off too," John grumbled. "He just spent two bloody weeks up me arse in America."</p>
<p>Cynthia sighed. "Even so, he's rung twice now so it must be something important then."</p>
<p>John didn't respond with anything more than a grumble as he sat up in bed. He stumbled into the kitchen, still not fully awake, and picked up the receiver which Cynthia had placed on the counter. </p>
<p>"Aye," John mumbled into the phone. </p>
<p>"Ah, John." Brian's voice was crisp and melodic. "Sorry to have woken you -"</p>
<p>"No you're not," John interrupted. </p>
<p>"- but I need you to cancel any plans you might have tonight," Brian spoke right over John's grumbling. </p>
<p>John raised an eyebrow. "Fancy having me out for dinner then, do ya? Tryin'a wine and dine me, Eppy? I've told ya, I don't go that way."</p>
<p>"John!" Brian warned. "That's quite enough. Miss Cohen has invited the four of you, and guests of your choosing, over to her flat again. She is having a large soirée in celebration of your successful trip to America. The guest list is quite the Who's-Who in London."</p>
<p>At the mention of Ruby's name, John tensed up slightly. He hadn't seen or spoken to her since their romp in bed almost a month ago. In fact, he hadn't even really given her much thought during all his travels either. </p>
<p>"I've already arranged transportation.  You'll be picked up at 7:45," Brian continued. "Dress sharp. There will be quite a lot of big names there tonight."</p>
<p>"Right," John replied, still thinking back to the last time he saw Ruby. </p>
<p>"And John," Brian added, "no funny business. If I so much as suspect you're up to no good, I shan't let you out of my sight all evening."</p>
<p>"I've no clue what you're talking about, Bri."</p>
<p>Brian gave a small sigh. "7:45 sharp. Be ready." </p>
<p>John replaced the receiver back in its cradle and walked into the living room. Cynthia had the TV on with the volume low. She was sitting on the floor with Julian, a handful of wooden toy blocks scattered in front of them. </p>
<p>"Everything all right?" she asked when she saw John. </p>
<p>"Aye, just some fancy soirée Eppy's making us all go to tonight."</p>
<p>"Us all?" Cynthia asked with a hopeful gleam in her eye. </p>
<p>For half a second, John thought about lying and saying it was a 'band only' invitation. "Beatles and guest, so yes, Cyn," he relented. </p>
<p>"Oh, that's wonderful!" she chirped. "I'll call Mabel. Do you think there's time for me to run into town for a hair appointment? And a dress! Oh, I need a dress -"</p>
<p>"You've got dresses and your hair's fine." John sat down on the couch and stretched, still feeling quite tired. The prospect of having Cynthia at Ruby's flat was weighing heavily on his mind. </p>
<p>"Yes, I suppose I can find something in the closet," she continued, still very excited at the prospect of being invited somewhere with John. </p>
<p>"Well, I suppose I'm not going back to bed," John announced with a yawn. "What's for brekkie?"</p>
<p>"I'll put the kettle on. Keep an eye on Julian," she said, motioning to the 10 month old still sitting on the floor. </p>
<p>With a turn, Cynthia headed into the kitchen leaving John on the couch. He slid down onto the floor next to Julian and picked up a wooden block, thinking about being faced with Ruby again. </p>
<p>She better not pull anything, John thought to himself. All her bloody games and secret notes. And then fucking asking me to see myself out. He let out a small sigh wondering if he had finally bit off more than he could chew. Ruby was unpredictable, and having her and Cynthia under the same roof could be a recipe for trouble. </p>
<p>As his mind played out possible scenarios of what might happen that evening, John found his thoughts drifting to his last rendezvous with Ruby. That massive record collection of hers had been quite a surprise. And she did have a very nice figure...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11 - BABY YOU'RE A RICH MAN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 11 - BABY YOU'RE A RICH MAN</p>
<p>••••<br/>How does it feel to be<br/>One of the beautiful people?<br/>Now that you know who you are<br/>What do you want to be?<br/>And have you travelled very far?<br/>Far as the eyes can see.<br/>••••</p>
<p>At exactly 7:45 PM there was a buzz from the intercom signaling Bill's arrival outside the building. Bill Corbett had become a more permanent fixture in the Beatles' life since the Paris trip. Before that, he had been an occasional driver for the band, but now Bill was taking a little stress off of Mal and Neil by doing a lot of the driving. </p>
<p>John was ready, dressed in a very nice dark navy suit and matching tie. Cynthia had picked out a knee length dress in an olive green color, completing the look with a wool cape-jacket in a complimentary deep yellow. </p>
<p>"Come 'ed. He's likely being mobbed down there," John said as he put down the guitar he had been fiddling with. "Hopefully he's got someone with him."</p>
<p>"Be sure to keep the curtains drawn," Cynthia explained to Mabel. "Some fans have moved in the building across the street and do nothing but stare in here with binoculars all day." </p>
<p>Cynthia deposited a kiss on Julian's head and handed him over to Mabel Johansson, the older woman they had come to trust as their primary childminder. Teenage girls were obviously out of the question as any kind of babysitter, and it was a bit too last minute to have asked Cynthia's mother tonight. </p>
<p>"I'd rather drag the damn baby with me to the bloody party than have your mother in this flat," John had said earlier that afternoon when Cynthia mentioned asking her.</p>
<p>Once they reached the lobby of the building, John could already hear the commotion of girls out on the sidewalk. By this point, the local fans all recognized Neil and Mal, and knew that their presence outside meant that John was coming down. Bill was likely being recognized by now, as well. John placed an arm around Cynthia's shoulder, took a deep breath, and swung open the door. Mal was standing there waiting for them, his 6'3" frame towering over the fans. He immediately attempted to part the sea of girls as cameras flashed and the squeals and screams began. </p>
<p>"John!!" </p>
<p>"Oh my God! I love you!"</p>
<p>"You're my favorite, John!"</p>
<p>"Ditch the ugly blonde and come home with me, John!"</p>
<p>The mass of girls on the sidewalk was chaotic. Despite Mal's best efforts, in the five meter sprint to the car John could feel desperate hands grabbing at him. Cynthia leaned into John and held on tightly to his waist until they were both able to climb in the car. </p>
<p>"Sorry about that," Mal said, climbing inside with them. Bill was already in the driver's seat. "A police car was supposed to meet us here to help control the fans but it looks like it's a no-show."</p>
<p>"It's fine, just drive already before they break the fuckin' windows out," John barked at Bill. </p>
<p>Bill and Mal deposited John and Cynthia at Ruby's Kensington flat, and then immediately left to go pick up Paul and his girlfriend Jane Asher.</p>
<p>Walking up to the front door, John teetered between apprehension and excitement at the thought of seeing Ruby again. He knocked on the door, and it was opened almost immediately by Sandra. </p>
<p>"One of the prized guests of the hour," she bubbled as John and Cynthia made their way inside. "What headlines you boys have made!"</p>
<p>"We haven't done too bad, I s'pose," John joked. "Cyn, this is Sandra. Sandra, Cynthia - the ol' ball an' chain."</p>
<p>Cynthia gave John a look and then exchanged pleasantries with Sandra. John made his way into the flat, looking around at the handful of people who were mingling about. The atmosphere was oddly calm and it almost seemed as if the party hadn't actually started yet. </p>
<p>"Alright?" a voice came from beside John. </p>
<p>John turned to see George standing to his right, holding a glass of amber colored liquid. Ringo stood next to him. </p>
<p>"I was beginning to worry me an' Ring would be the only Beatles here," George continued. "Seems Brian had us all set up to arrive early."</p>
<p>"He would, wouldn't he?" John sighed. "Then he'll breeze in here once the do is in full swing. Meanwhile, we've all got to stand about like awkward circus monkeys until things get going."</p>
<p>Looking around, John recognized a few faces. Bruce Forsythe, Dusty Springfield, and a handful of faces from the previous party were scattered throughout the flat. John caught sight of Ruby, fluttering about the room and playing hostess. He put an arm around Cynthia's waist, intent on paying Ruby little attention. Within thirty minutes Paul arrived, having brought along Jane as well, and by 9:00 the flat was beginning to fill up a bit more.</p>
<p>The party was thrown under the pretense of celebrating the Beatles' successful American tour, but according to many of the guests, people hardly needed a reason to visit Ruby. Her flat was the place to be to have a good time.</p>
<p>Ruby, ever the consummate hostess, continued to make her way from room to room. Wearing a sleeveless black cocktail dress, she seemed to sparkle as she moved, mostly due to the sequins sewn onto her dress, but also due to her bubbly personality that seemed to take such great pleasure in attending to her guests. </p>
<p>"Mr. Lennon!" she gushed, floating over and joining the group John was standing with. </p>
<p>John politely smiled, hoping Ruby would behave herself while Cynthia was around. Having them under the same roof was bad enough. The last thing John needed was the two women to start talking. </p>
<p>"And this must be your beautiful wife!" Ruby continued with a genuine smile.</p>
<p>"Cyn, this is Ruby Cohen," John quickly introduced the women.</p>
<p>"Such a pleasure to meet you," Cynthia said. "You have such a lovely home."</p>
<p>"Oh, thank you," Ruby replied graciously. </p>
<p>Ruby seemed utterly in her element and made small talk quite easily with Cynthia. There was not so much as a hint to what went on between her and John. Then, as quickly as she appeared, Ruby made her way off to greet other guests. </p>
<p>By 10:00, Brian Epstein arrived and was eager to show off his quartet of American success. John was seated on a couch with Cynthia by his side, chatting with Bruce Forsythe and George when Brian approached them. </p>
<p>"...and this is Mr. John Lennon and Mr. George Harrison," Brian said as he approached. "Boys, surely you know Mrs. Ethel Merman."</p>
<p>Ruby's flat was rapidly filling up with a massive amount of big names. Alcohol was flowing and people were mingling. By midnight, along with Ethel Merman, John had been introduced to Roger Moore, Danny Kaye, Lionel Blair, James Booth, Stanley Baker, and Tommy Steele, all of whom were singing Ruby's praises. She was apparently quite the party-thrower and had most of these people over regularly. </p>
<p>This bird has more surprises up every sleeve, John thought silently, impressed at Ruby's growing list of friends and acquaintances. He wondered how many of them she had taken out back to 'show the garden.' </p>
<p>"Charades!" A female voice sang out from the lounge. "Everyone who wants to play, come pick teams!"</p>
<p>"What's charades?" George asked, turning towards John. </p>
<p>"Hell if I know," John responded. </p>
<p>"Come on, boys! Charades!" Ethel Merman grabbed both John and George by the elbow and linked her own arms through them. "You two are on my team!"</p>
<p>With confused looks, John and George both allowed themselves to be pulled into the lounge by Ms. Merman. Roy Orbison's voice poured from the hi-fi as Ruby divided up stacks of small cards and cleared space for everyone to fit in the room. She looked up and caught John's eye for the briefest second as he walked in the room. Even in that small amount of time, John saw a devilish twinkle in her expression and was reminded of the last time he and Ruby were together in the lounge.</p>
<p>"Okay, teams!" Ethel called out with a boisterous smile. "We need teams!" Still linking arms with John and George she added, "These boys are on mine!"</p>
<p>None of the Beatles had ever heard of charades before, much less played it, but it didn't take long before they picked up on the rules. Ringo seemed to have a knack for guessing, but was completely useless with acting things out. Everyone had a great laugh as Ringo stood there, arms flapping, bent over with his head pushed down towards his knees. </p>
<p>"Chicken! Rooster? Pecking hen?" Danny Kaye called out. </p>
<p>"Peacock? Cock of the walk?" Paul ventured in between laughs. </p>
<p>"Time's up!" Ruby called out. "Now what on earth was that?"</p>
<p>"An ostrich!" Ringo blurted with exasperation, as if it were the most obvious thing. "A big bird? Head in the sand? Come on, fellas!"</p>
<p>Everyone in the room burst out in laughter, and Ringo eventually joined in as well. </p>
<p>"I'm glad I snagged you two and not that one," Ethel joked, leaning into John and giving him a playful pat on the shoulder. </p>
<p>The game had been going for a good thirty minutes when John suddenly realized that Cynthia hadn't joined him in the lounge. He popped his head into the living room and saw her seated on the couch, quietly chatting with Jane Asher. In contrast, Ruby was whooping it up in the lounge, the life of the party as always. </p>
<p>Moments later there was a bit of commotion coming from the living room. Ruby made her way out of the lounge to see what was going on, and the game of charades was put on hold. People dispersed, refilling drink glasses and chatting with each other, and John found himself drifting into the living room as well. </p>
<p>"Do flocks of girls just follow you everywhere?" Tommy Steele asked, walking up to John with an amused look. </p>
<p>"All the time," John deadpanned. "I have to send them all off on errands just so I can bathe in peace."</p>
<p>"Seems they managed to find you again," Tommy continued. He pointed towards the front door. "They're out there, lifting up the little letter box flap in the door and sticking their fingers through to sneak a peek in here."</p>
<p>By 2:00 AM the upstairs neighbors started to complain about the noise and were apparently threatening to call the police. The number of girls out front had grown, all of them squealing and making a commotion anytime they caught sight of a Beatle through the mail slot, which only added to the complaints by Ruby's neighbors. Even so, the party continued and alcohol flowed like a river amongst the guests. </p>
<p>Whatever apprehension John originally had about having Ruby and Cynthia in the same location had long since quelled. Ruby hadn't pulled any funny business, and Cynthia didn't seem to have any suspicions about either of them. </p>
<p>It was nearing 3:00 in the morning as John looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. The party was in the early stages of winding down and he was pleasantly intoxicated. </p>
<p>As he turned the doorknob and opened the bathroom door to return to the party, John was immediately greeted by Ruby standing directly on the other side. Before he even knew what was happening, Ruby pushed John backwards into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12 - SHE CAME IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 12 - SHE CAME IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW</p>
<p>••••<br/>And though she tried her best <br/>to help me.<br/>She could steal,<br/>But she could not rob.<br/>••••</p>
<p>"What's all this?" John blurted as he stumbled backwards into the bathroom, the alcohol making it hard to find his footing. </p>
<p>Ruby immediately pressed her lips on his and her hand found its way to the back of his head, weaving her fingers into his hair. For a split second, John tensed and almost pushed Ruby away before ultimately returning the kiss. When they pulled apart, Ruby looked up at him with a familiar twinkle in her eyes.</p>
<p>"Were you out there waiting for me?" John asked, still surprised by the current situation. </p>
<p>"No, I actually had no idea anyone was even in here," Ruby explained. "I was walking down the hall and then you opened the door." She ran her fingers down the lapel of John's suit jacket as she continued to stare up at John. "I saw an opportunity and took it," she confessed with a wicked smile. </p>
<p>John didn't waste time entertaining the conflicting thoughts that were going through his mind. Ruby was standing there in front of him and she looked stunning. He grabbed her waist and returned his mouth to hers, their tongues immediately meeting. Ruby's hands eagerly found John's zipper and as she was busy unzipping his pants, John hiked Ruby's dress up over her hips. </p>
<p>"We don't have much time," Ruby breathed into John's ear as she worked her hands inside his open zipper to find him hard and ready. </p>
<p>"We don't need much time." John's voice was a guttural growl, almost animalistic in his lust and drunkenness. </p>
<p>He hoisted Ruby up onto the edge of the counter, her dress now bunched up around her waist. John was still fully dressed with his erect member now poking through the unzipped fly of his pants. With one hand he pulled her panties to the side, and with his other hand he guided himself inside her. Ruby let out a gasp and John quieted her by returning his mouth hungrily to hers. </p>
<p>This round was fast and furious, a contrast to their last time together. There in the small hallway bathroom, John furiously pounded into Ruby, the front of his thighs hitting the counter she was sitting on. Ruby's legs were spread, knees bent, and John held on to her just under her knees. Within a matter of minutes, Ruby's back was arching, angling herself so that John was hitting all the right spots. Sweat beaded on John's forehead and he soon fed a string of quiet curse words into Ruby's neck as reached his peak. They both attempted to quietly catch their breath, and John moved aside to let Ruby slide off the counter. </p>
<p>"You're a dangerous one," Ruby whispered as she stood next to the sink and rearranged her dress back over her thighs.</p>
<p>"Says the one who shoved her way in here and started all this." John smirked. </p>
<p>"Would you rather I have done it out there in front of your wife?" Ruby teased. </p>
<p>"Cheeky." He ran a few fingers over the black sequins on Ruby's dress. "Thanks for the knee-trembler, Miss Sara Sequin."</p>
<p>"I wasn't sure I'd get the opportunity this time," Ruby cooed. "I might like trouble, but I'm not heartless. Your wife is still out there."</p>
<p>John nodded, "Aye, but she's nothing to worry over -"</p>
<p>"You should probably go out first," Ruby interrupted. "Make sure the coast is clear. Then I'll sneak out in a few minutes." </p>
<p>"Right," John nodded, a slight déjà vu rolling over him. Is she trying to get rid of me again...</p>
<p>As he reached for the doorknob, Ruby stepped towards John, leaning in and whispering in his ear. "Hopefully we won't have to wait another month before doing this again."</p>
<p>John looked at Ruby, really taking her in for the first time since she shoved him into the bathroom. She had a slight sheen to her skin and her cheeks were still rosy from all their exertion just a few moments ago. She was unlike any girl he'd met before - cultured, classy, and at the same time, a bit dangerous and unpredictable.</p>
<p>Instead of responding to Ruby, John chose to remain silent, hoping to keep her guessing as to when, and more importantly whether they would have another meeting. He gave her a coy smile and turned the doorknob. After checking that the coast was clear, John slipped out the bathroom door, closing it behind him and leaving Ruby alone inside. </p>
<p>Back in the living room, John found Cynthia sitting alone on one of the couches, nursing a long-empty glass. The party was rapidly winding down and there were only a handful of people left in the flat, most of whom were drunk. Paul and Jane were standing in front of another couch, chatting with the still-effervescent Ethel Merman.</p>
<p>"There you are," Cynthia exclaimed as John approached the couch. "Where on earth did you go off to?"</p>
<p>"The loo," John replied. "Got tied up in some never ending conversation with Danny Kaye on the way back."</p>
<p>"I thought he left already," Cynthia pondered. </p>
<p>"I don't know, Cyn. Maybe it was Stanley Baker then." John's voice didn't hide his annoyance. "Actors all look the same by this hour of the evening."</p>
<p>Cynthia nodded, unwilling to challenge John's ludicrous explanation. "Well it's quite late, isn't it? We should really be getting back home to Julian."</p>
<p>John looked across the room to see Paul and Jane putting their coats on. </p>
<p>"Those two lovebirds are heading home," Ethel motioned to Paul and Jane as she walked towards John. "I suppose you two probably are as well?" Her boisterous voice was a stark contrast to the mellow atmosphere of the room. "Unless you fancy watching the sun rise with a old bat like me!" she cackled. </p>
<p>"You're just as energetic as when the party started," Paul said as he walked over with Jane on his arm. "I don't know how you do it."</p>
<p>"Oh, I take a breath when I need to." Ethel playfully slapped Paul's shoulder. </p>
<p>"Well we're off," Paul proclaimed, placing a hand on Ethel's shoulder. "It was an absolute pleasure meeting you, Ms. Merman."</p>
<p>"Oh, call me Ethel, you silly young thing!"</p>
<p>"Ethel, then," Paul echoed with a nod, "it was a pleasure."</p>
<p>"You boys need to come around more often. We could use some youthful faces in this crowd, isn't that right, Ruby?" Ethel asked as Ruby sauntered up to the small group. </p>
<p>"Absolutely right," Ruby agreed, smiling. "I've said it before, but you boys are always welcome here." She stood next to Ethel and looked across at John. "This house just doesn't feel right unless it's filled with friends. And all of you," she glanced between Paul and John, including their dates, "are certainly considered friends now."</p>
<p>Coats and scarves were gathered and goodbyes were said all around. Cynthia was quite anxious to get back home to Julian so she and John were the first out the door, leaving Paul and Jane a few steps behind. </p>
<p>"That was quite the crowd of famous faces in there, wasn't it?" Cynthia asked on the ride home. </p>
<p>"I'm sure Brian is creaming his trousers to be cavorting with names like that lot," John responded. </p>
<p>Once they were back in their flat, and Mabel had been relieved of her babysitting duties, Cynthia went to check on Julian in his crib. John fell onto the couch with an exhausted sigh when something sparkly caught the corner of his eye. He looked down at the lapel of his jacket and found a single black sequin stuck to it. He picked it off of the fabric and held it between his thumb and index finger. </p>
<p>"Miss Sara Sequin," he said quietly with a smirk, recognizing it as a sequin from Ruby's dress. "Naughty girl, you."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13 - THERE'S A PLACE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 13 - THERE'S A PLACE</p>
<p>••••<br/>There is a place<br/>Where I can go<br/>When I feel low, <br/>When I feel blue.<br/>•<br/>I think of you<br/>And things you do.<br/>Go 'round my head<br/>The things you said. <br/>••••</p>
<p>"Who seconds the nomination?" </p>
<p>"I do," Wilfrid Brambell piped in. </p>
<p>"All right then. You're all officially nominated as members of the Actor's Equity Association," the secretary announced as she gathered the paperwork. "I need each of your signatures here and then you'll all be officially joined."</p>
<p>It was just after 8:00 in the morning on the first Monday in March, and John stood on Platform 5 of London's Paddington Station. It was the first day of work for the Beatles' first movie. Ironically, before anything could actually start, the four stars of the movie had to be nominated and then voted into the actor's union in order to legally be able to act in the movie. Thankfully Wilfrid Brambell and Norman Rossington, the Beatles' main co-stars, jumped in and made the nominations. </p>
<p>By the time lunch rolled around the four band members had traveled up and down the line of train tracks between London and Minehead more times than they could count, filming some of the opening scenes that took place in the claustrophobic train cars. </p>
<p>"You know the train has a dining car set up for everyone, right?" Mr. Rossington, the actor playing Norm in the film asked as he walked past John and Paul standing outside the train. </p>
<p>"Aye," nodded Paul. "I needed a break from inside those blasted train cars."</p>
<p>"It's a bit too true to life, it is," George chimed in, sitting on the outside stairs of the stationary train, "stuck in a tiny train car for hours at a time."</p>
<p>"Well that's the point, isn't it?" John asked. "A day in the life of a Beatle? Trains and cars and hotel rooms. Mix an' match and that's our life anymore."</p>
<p>After a full day of filming, John, Paul, George, and Ringo were greeted by a hoard of fans back at Paddington Station.</p>
<p>"I was thinking maybe I'd pop over to Ruby's again for a bit," Paul announced as they all stood waiting for the police to clear the fans and make a path to the waiting cars. "Tinker around on the piano and have a drink, like."</p>
<p>It had been almost a full week since John and Ruby had their impromptu romp in the bathroom. The days immediately following the party had been chocked full of recording sessions at EMI, and the group had a stint at the BBC's Piccadilly Studios in London for a radio program. In that week the Beatles had also been invited over to Ruby's flat again, although John had been unable to attend that visit due to a meeting for his upcoming book publishing. </p>
<p>"The piano at your place not good enough anymore?" Ringo joked, looking at Paul. </p>
<p>"Don't get a cob on just 'cause no one has drum kits sitting around their living room."</p>
<p>"You an' Ruby getting chummy, are ye?" John asked, suddenly wondering if perhaps he wasn't the only Beatle Ruby had her sights set on. </p>
<p>"Nah, she's all right. If anything, I fancy Sandra over her. But I really just enjoy the peace over there," Paul explained. "At Jane's I always feel like I'm imposing by using her mum's piano. Not to mention there's always some distraction of some sort."</p>
<p>John looked at Paul trying to gauge if he was being truthful. Then it occurred to him what his mind was doing. Who fuckin' cares if Paul's shagging Ruby, too? Let the whole bloody world shag her. I don't care!</p>
<p>"Did any of you want to come with?" Paul asked. </p>
<p>"Mo'll murder me if I didn't go straight home tonight," Ringo answered. "She's visiting for the week and hasn't seen me in forever. She promised to cook me a proper meal."</p>
<p>"Geo?" Paul looked at George. </p>
<p>"Sure, I'll come for a bevvie."</p>
<p>Paul looked at John. "How 'bout it, wack? You too?"</p>
<p>John nodded. "I could use a drink or ten after a day like today."</p>
<p>Once the police and security guards were able to get the crowd under control the four Beatles left Paddington and parted ways. Ringo hopped in a car driven by Bill Corbett, and John, Paul, and George climbed into one with Neil at the helm.  </p>
<p>Although they hadn't called ahead, and Ruby had no idea that three quarters of England's most famous band were on their way to her home, when she opened the door and saw the three musicians, Ruby ushered them inside as if she had been expecting them all day.</p>
<p>"I hope we're not imposing..." George started. </p>
<p>"Oh stop it!" Ruby interrupted as the group walked inside. "I said you were welcome here any time and I meant you were welcome any time."</p>
<p>Drinks were poured as the clock on the wall struck 7:00 PM. The three boys all got comfortable in the flat.</p>
<p>Sandra sat with George and John on one of the couches in the living room while Paul, still a bundle of energy, made his way around the room looking at the various trinkets on the shelves and tables. </p>
<p>"To what do we owe this lovely surprise visit?" Sandra asked. </p>
<p>"First day of filming our new movie," George answered as he loosened the knot of his necktie. "Spent the whole day crammed in train cars, riding back an' forth on the same set of tracks."</p>
<p>"A movie!" Sandra exclaimed. "Well that's exciting! I'm sure you all could do with a change of scenery after being stuck in a train all day."</p>
<p>Paul had continued to meander around the living room, ultimately making his way to the piano on the far side of the room. He sat down on the bench as Sandra continued to chat with John and George. At the same time, Ruby appeared from the kitchen with a tray of tea sandwiches and joined the group. </p>
<p>"So I can't help but notice that you're missing one," Ruby noted, placing the tray on the coffee table. "Ringo, yes?"</p>
<p>"Aye, he's gone home to see his bird," John replied. </p>
<p>"Ah, well what about your bird, Mr. Lennon?" Ruby countered. "And if I remember correctly, Paul has someone waiting at home for him as well."</p>
<p>Hearing his name, Paul looked up from the piano. "What's that?" </p>
<p>"Our birds, Paulie," John said. "Miss Sara Sequin here was asking why Rich went home to see his and we didn't."</p>
<p>Paul simply laughed and went back to tinkering around on the keyboard. </p>
<p>"Well Ringo doesn't live with his bird," John continued, turning his attention back to Ruby. "She's still in Liddypool and only visits periodically. That makes all the difference, doesn't it?"</p>
<p>The group soon moved into the lounge, and for about an hour they all sat around drinking and talking, each taking turns rifling through Ruby's vast record collection and changing the music playing on the hi-fi. </p>
<p>"This is quite the collection," Paul marveled, pulling out a copy of Sam Cooke's Twistin' the Night Away from the shelf and walking to the hi-fi. "You seem to have a bit of everything in here."</p>
<p>"I've managed to surprise all of you with my musical tastes, it seems," Ruby gave a small wink to John as she responded to Paul. "Music is my life," she continued. "I've been singing publicly since I was eleven."</p>
<p>"Even before that," Sandra jumped in. "I remember you sitting in front of the record player when we were little and trying to sing along with everything that played."</p>
<p>"Is that so?" John asked. </p>
<p>"I know I'm considered an old square anymore," Ruby continued. "The styles have grown and changed since I was in my heyday, but the fact remains that music is in my soul. All music." She paused for a beat and turned to glance at John "Although everyone sees me as too old for the pop music that's out now, you know."</p>
<p>"After that gear party last week, you're probably the least square person we know," George remarked. "Anyone who can pull guests like that is no square."</p>
<p>By 10:00, Paul had found his way back to the piano and Sandra joined him on the bench. The pair seemed to enjoy each other's company and spent much of the time laughing together as Paul played while John, George, and Ruby continued to talk in the lounge. Surprisingly, even through John's occasional ribbing, Ruby held her own and John found himself really enjoying the conversation with her. </p>
<p>11:00 rolled around and George was ready to head home. One phone call later, and Neil was knocking on the door to the flat.</p>
<p>"Good evening Miss Cohen," Neil smiled as Ruby let him into the flat. "Who all am I taking? Just you?" Neil asked, looking at George.</p>
<p>"Me too, Nelly," Paul said. "Tomorrow's another early one, eh?" He turned to Ruby and Sandra, "Thank you both very much for letting us pop in."</p>
<p>"John?" Neil raised his eyebrows at John who was seated on one of the couches. </p>
<p>"Nah, you take those two. They're both in the other direction from me," John replied. "I'll get a taxi. My place is only a few blocks from here."</p>
<p>Five minutes later, Ruby was waving goodbye as Paul and George climbed in Neil's car. John continued to sit on the couch with Sandra, taking the last swig of his scotch. </p>
<p>"Well, if I could use your phone, I'll be on my way," John said to Sandra. </p>
<p>"No, no," Sandra began, "you stay right there. I'll go ring a cab for you."</p>
<p>With Sandra gone to use the phone in the kitchen, Ruby joined John on the couch. "It was a lovely surprise having you boys over tonight. It's a shame you have to leave so soon. I hope you'll stop by again."</p>
<p>"Paulie seems to like your piano so I'm sure he'll be by again."</p>
<p>"And you, Mr. Lennon?" Ruby leaned her face in close to John. </p>
<p>John's lips curled into a grin. "I'm interested in getting my hands on something other than your piano, Miss Sara Sequin," he whispered. "Although we may need to find somewhere more private, unless you want an audience of Beatles and sisters."</p>
<p>Ruby laughed and leaned back from John again. "Well you have my number. Ring me when you can and I'm sure we'll come up with something."</p>
<p>Fifteen minutes later John was sitting in the back of a cab, watching the buildings go past him and wondering just what it was about Ruby Cohen that was so damned intriguing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14 - CHAINS</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 14 - CHAINS</p>
<p>••••<br/>Chains, well I can't break away from these chains.<br/>Can't run around, cause I'm not free.<br/>Whoa, oh, these chains of love won't let me be.<br/>••••</p>
<p>"I just hate that you're missing out on all these milestones," Cynthia sighed. "You already missed his first word. And now you've missed his first steps, too."</p>
<p>"Ah, come off it, Cyn," John said exasperatedly as he sat on the couch. He had just woken up and was in no mood to be chastised. "It's not as if it was the only steps he'll ever take."</p>
<p>"He's just growing so much everyday and you're missing it all."</p>
<p>"Maybe I should just quit the band then?" John barked. "Quit the Beatles and sit 'round here all day so I can catch every bloody sneeze and shit that comes out of him?"</p>
<p>"Of course not. It's just that you know what it's like, not having a dad around with Alfred and all -"</p>
<p>"Don't you dare mention him!" John bellowed. "I'm not anything like that bastard!"</p>
<p>"That's not what I meant -"</p>
<p>"Then what did you bloody mean, Cyn?" John stood up from the couch. "You want to eat, right? You want a roof over your head? Or would you rather us be piss poor living on the street but oh I saw the damn baby's first fuckin' steps!?"</p>
<p>Cynthia gave a small sigh and switched Julian from one hip to the other. "Of course not, John. I'm sorry," she said meekly, trying to avoid more yelling. </p>
<p>The Beatles were two weeks into their filming and had earned a well-deserved weekend off. The fact that they had been in the same city, working on the same thing for days on end was waring on John. Being 'Beatle John' in public for the press and fans had always been something of a strain, but having to play a caricature of himself on film was even worse. Add a nagging wife to the mix, and John was chomping at the bit for a change of scenery.</p>
<p>He stomped from the living room, down the hall, and into the bedroom. Quickly throwing some clothes on, John headed to the bathroom and ran a comb through his hair. It was 10:30 in the morning, and even though it was his first day off in weeks he had no intention of sitting around the flat being compared to his arsehole of a father. </p>
<p>"Fuckin' compare me to Alfred," John muttered as he looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.</p>
<p>"Where are you going?" Cynthia asked quietly as John walked back in the living room and grabbed a guitar, putting it inside a case. </p>
<p>"Out."</p>
<p>"Out where?"</p>
<p>John didn't respond. </p>
<p>"Well will you be home for tea, at least?" Cynthia frowned. "I was going to cook a roast, knowing you'd be here."</p>
<p>"If I'm home, then I'm home," John grumbled. "Make the damn roast and if I'm here, I'll eat it."</p>
<p>John walked into the kitchen, made a quick call to Bill Corbett, and then grabbed his guitar case and walked out of the flat to go stand in the small lobby and wait to get picked up.</p>
<p>John had Bill drop him off at Paul's place and told him to come back in an hour. Jane answered the door and led John to the kitchen where she and Paul were having lunch with Jane's brother, Peter. </p>
<p>"Alright?" Paul nodded as John walked in. </p>
<p>"Had to get out of that damn flat," John replied. "Cyn's being a right gobshite."</p>
<p>"Fancy a bite?" Jane asked, offering John some of the leftover lunch preparations. </p>
<p>John grabbed a sandwich from the serving platter. "Ta."</p>
<p>An hour passed quickly and Bill returned with the car as instructed. John left him waiting outside on the curb for quite awhile as he and Paul continued to mindlessly pluck tunes on their guitars, as they had been for most of the hour.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna go," John announced suddenly and stood up from the couch. </p>
<p>Paul nodded, his fingers still moving up and down the frets of his acoustic guitar. "You okay?"</p>
<p>"Cyn's just wrecking me head is all. I'll be 'round again later." John replied. "I need some air."</p>
<p>Back in the car with his guitar case, John instructed Bill to take him to Ruby's. He had no clue if Ruby would even be home, but John didn't care. He just needed a place to go where he wouldn't be imposing on anyone. </p>
<p>Ruby answered the door looking mildly surprised to see John. She brought him inside, and John was met with the sight of Lionel Blair sitting on the couch, a teacup in hand. Next to him was Sandra. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt -" John started. </p>
<p>"You're not interrupting anything!" Ruby exclaimed. "The more, the merrier, I always say."</p>
<p>Lionel stood from the couch. "John," he nodded. "Didn't think I'd run into any of you on our days off."</p>
<p>Lionel was working as a choreographer in their movie and had been on set for a few days over the past week. Seeing him here at Ruby's was a bit unexpected. </p>
<p>"Seems we both had the same idea of a place to relax," John responded. </p>
<p>He joined the trio and Ruby brought out an extra teacup for John, and a fresh pot of tea for everyone. The four of them sat chatting for about an hour, John and Lionel regaling the two women with stories about the film they were working on. Shortly afterwards Lionel excused himself, explaining he had another engagement that afternoon and needed to get ready. </p>
<p>"Why don't we put some music on in the lounge?" Ruby stood up and motioned for John to follow her. </p>
<p>Sandra began to clear away the teacups and other items, taking them to the kitchen to wash. John made his way into the lounge and sat down on one of the leather couches as Ruby perused the wall of records.</p>
<p>"If you had rung me I could have tried to make some kind of accommodations for your visit," Ruby mused, taking a record to the hi-fi and placing it on the turntable.</p>
<p>"I didn't have your number with me. I left home in bit of a hurry."</p>
<p>"Why is that, Mr. Lennon?"</p>
<p>"Me wife ran me out," John sighed. "Goin' on and on about the damn baby and how I miss everything."</p>
<p>Elvis Presley's melodic voice came pouring from the speakers as Ruby joined John on the couch. </p>
<p>"Your wife complained that you miss things with the baby, and then she ran you out of the house so you could miss more things?" Ruby asked skeptically. </p>
<p>John sighed and stood up from the couch just as Ruby sat down. He walked over to the tall beverage table and ran his fingers over the various bottles of alcohol sitting on a large metal tray, ultimately pouring himself a finger of whisky. </p>
<p>"Shouldn't she be happy with all she bloody has?" John asked, taking a sip of his drink. "We've got a nice flat. I've got more money than either of us could have ever imagined. She has anything she could possibly want. And she loves being a mother." He paused a beat before adding, "The wife stays home and the husband works. What more does she want?"</p>
<p>Ruby laughed, "Oh, you're just the type my mother warned me about, aren't you?"</p>
<p>"How's that?" </p>
<p>"Women belong at home. Women should be grateful and not complain." Ruby stated and rolled her eyes. "If I bought into that rubbish then where would I be?" She tilted her head and looked at John. "Certainly not sitting here with you, would I?"</p>
<p>"Well there's a surprise," John chuckled. "The bird I'm shagging sticking up for the bird I'm married to."</p>
<p>"Well if we women don't stick up for one another, who will?" Ruby stood up and walked over to John. "I told you the other day, I'm not heartless. I doubt your wife ever imagined she'd have to share you with the entire world."</p>
<p>"Well I never imagined I'd get shit for missing a baby babble or a few steps. Me own dad never saw any of..." John's voice trailed off, reminded of Cynthia's words earlier. </p>
<p>To stop his brain from continuing that line of thought, John suddenly grabbed Ruby's waist and pulled her into him. Ruby was caught by surprise but didn't resist. </p>
<p>"Where can we go?" John breathed into Ruby's ear as he slid a hand down to grab her ass. </p>
<p>"We can't go anywhere," Ruby cooed, tilting her head up to speak into John's ear. "Not today, unfortunately."</p>
<p>John pulled his face away and looked at her, puzzled. </p>
<p>"I have a previous engagement at 2:30," Ruby continued. "My driver will be here soon." She took a step backwards, removing herself from John's grasp. </p>
<p>"Previous engagement?"</p>
<p>"I told you, you should have rung me. I will gladly make time for you," Ruby ran a finger down the front of John's shirt, "but I can't rearrange my schedule on a whim of yours."</p>
<p>"Seems all I am is whims anymore," John replied, his ego taken down a notch. "What about tomorrow, then? A hotel maybe?"</p>
<p>"That could work," Ruby grinned. "We'd need new names. And disguises." Her grin grew even wider as she plotted the possible event. </p>
<p>"I've nothing until we start filming again on Monday," John replied. "Tomorrow is wide open."</p>
<p>"The Great Western is just around the corner." Ruby was still grinning, clearly enjoying the thought of a clandestine hotel meeting. "You make the accommodations and I'll be there. Ring me tonight with the details."</p>
<p>"Rube!" Sandra called from the living room. "Looks like the car's here!"</p>
<p>"Do you need a ride?" Ruby asked, taking a step towards the living room. "My driver could drop you off on our way."</p>
<p>John nodded, and a few moments later he and his guitar case were being dropped off in front of his flat, with him promising to call Ruby later that evening.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15 - DRIVE MY CAR</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 15 - DRIVE MY CAR</p>
<p>••••<br/>I told a girl that my prospects were good.<br/>She said baby, it's understood.<br/>Working for peanuts is all very fine,<br/>But I can show you a better time<br/>••••</p>
<p>For the fifth time in as many minutes, John checked his wristwatch, wondering if he was being stood up. It was 2:19 PM and John had been waiting in the small hotel room since he picked up the key from the front desk at 2:00. </p>
<p>The handful of personal items he had with him were strewn atop the small dresser - a black trench coat, an oversized, black fedora hat, thick sunglasses, and a stick-on caterpillar-like false mustache. John knew he must have looked utterly ridiculous when he walked into the hotel, but the disguise worked and he was easily able to check in and make it to the third floor room without being recognized. </p>
<p>I should have brought a damn guitar, he thought to himself as he paced around the small room.</p>
<p>Finally, at 2:23 John's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a key turning the lock. He turned to watch the door open and was greeted by a woman with platinum blonde hair and large, dark sunglasses entering the room. </p>
<p>"Well that was a mess," the woman spoke.</p>
<p>John smiled as he watched Ruby close the door behind her and remove the glasses and wig as she walked into the room. </p>
<p>"I just spent ten minutes arguing with the damn receptionist over the reservation," Ruby continued. "I kept telling him the room was under 'Warren' and he kept telling me there was no room under that name."</p>
<p>"Warren?" John asked. </p>
<p>"I know, I know! I must have been quite a sight once I realized it was Winston and not Warren." Ruby was now fully inside the room and placing her coat and wig on the small sitting chair in the corner. "The bloody receptionist looked at me as if I were some cheap slag who couldn't remember the name of her 'appointment'."</p>
<p>John began to laugh at the story and at how frazzled Ruby looked as she told it. </p>
<p>"Oh hush, you!" Ruby chided. Then she began to laugh, too. "I suppose that's exactly what I did look like, though."</p>
<p>John was still chuckling. "I told you, Winston. Like Winston Bloody Churchhill. Mr. and Mrs. Winston checking in at separate times."</p>
<p>"Yes, well I'm sure I'll never be able to forget that name for the rest of my life now." Ruby sighed, "What an ordeal!"</p>
<p>"Well maybe I can help you put it out of your mind," John said with a sly smile. </p>
<p>Ruby met John's gaze and smiled, her shoulders relaxing and dropping as she took a step towards him. </p>
<p>"An entire room with no Beatles or sisters or managers to come interrupting us," John continued as he walked to Ruby. "And this time there's even a bed."</p>
<p>He pulled Ruby into him and kissed her neck, running a hand under her hair and grasping the back of her head. She leaned her head to one side to allow John full access to her neck and he felt Ruby shiver as he trailed his tongue up to her ear and then to her lips. </p>
<p>Clothes were quickly strewn about the floor and the two fumbled their way to the bed, kissing and groping as they tripped over each other's feet. Once they made it onto the bed, John rolled Ruby onto her back and crawled over her. </p>
<p>"Not this time," Ruby scolded, pressing her index finger gently into John's bare chest. "Switch," she spun her finger in a continual circle indicating she wanted John on the bed. </p>
<p>Looking down at Ruby, John grinned and gave her a look of surprise. "Switch?"</p>
<p>Ruby quickly climbed out from beneath John and pushed him onto his back. Throwing a leg over his thighs, Ruby was suddenly on top of John, straddling him and rubbing his arousal with one hand. Without saying a word she held him steady, raised herself up, and then lowered, taking him inside her slowly. </p>
<p>John let Ruby take control and enjoyed the view as she rode him. It was a pleasant surprise to find a bird so seemingly uninhibited about sex. The lights were on, they were both fully naked, and Ruby put herself on display for John to watch as she used his body to pleasure herself. </p>
<p>When Ruby fell panting onto John's chest, he wrapped an arm around her and flipped so that he could be on top again. He watched her breasts bounce in the same rhythm of his thrusts, and before long he also fell into her, panting and sweaty. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The smoke from John's cigarette hung low in the air as he and Ruby sat leaning against the headboard of the bed. They were still both naked but had pulled the bed sheet up to their waists. </p>
<p>"Has Brian told you about our upcoming appearance together?" Ruby asked as she ran her fingers through her tangled hair. </p>
<p>"Appearance?"</p>
<p>"On Ready, Steady, Go?"</p>
<p>John turned his head to look at Ruby as he took another drag from his cigarette. "We're on that together?"</p>
<p>Ruby nodded. "I just got word this morning confirming my spot, and Brian must have heard because he called almost immediately to inform me you boys were on the same day."</p>
<p>John raised his eyebrows, "I didn't even know we were scheduled on that show." He blew out another plume of smoke. "I hardly know what we're doing until we're actually doing it anymore. When is it?"</p>
<p>"This coming Friday."</p>
<p>John nodded and crushed his cigarette out into the ashtray on the bedside table. "Well then I s'pose I'll be seeing you again on Friday," he paused a beat and then turned to look at Ruby, "Miss Warren," </p>
<p>"Oh stop!" Ruby laughed and shoved John away playfully. "You'll never let me live that down, will you?"</p>
<p>"Whatever do ye mean, Miss Warren?" John shouted as he kicked off the sheet and rolled over, playfully pinning Ruby beneath him. Soon they were moving in unison, pleasure building again within them both. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>It was almost 5:00 when John got back home. He walked in and found Cynthia sitting on the floor of the living room, staring at a small stack of children's books as Julian toddled around her. </p>
<p>"All right?" John said as he closed the door behind him and removed his jacket. </p>
<p>Cynthia didn't respond and when she looked up her eyes were red and puffy. A jolt of adrenaline ran through John causing his heart to pound. </p>
<p>No bloody way she found out about that so fast, his mind raced. </p>
<p>"What's happened?" he asked tentatively as he took a step towards her. They had made up from their argument the day before, so this was unexpected.</p>
<p>"Oh John, it was awful," Cynthia sobbed. "Those girls are just rotten to the core!"</p>
<p>John took a sharp breath, relieved that whatever Cynthia was crying about didn't involve what he had just done.</p>
<p>"I tried taking Julian out in his pram so I could pick up a few things at the store," Cynthia began with a sniffle. "Of course all those girls were down there like they always are. Well, one of them tried to spit on me as I was trying to get the pram through the lobby door, and then another practically tripped me with her foot while calling me all sorts of names."</p>
<p>John sat down on the floor and leaned over, putting an arm around Cynthia. "Aw Cyn, I've told you not to go out alone anymore. You should have called Mal or someone." </p>
<p>"I know, but I just needed to get out of this flat for bit. And poor Julian hasn't seen the sun in days since we can't even open the curtains anymore." Cynthia rested her head on John's shoulder. "Besides, I'm used to those girls. But what really got me was when I came back some of them must have gotten inside the building again, because once I lugged everything up all the flights of stairs, I get to our door only to find that someone's put gum in the lock!"</p>
<p>John craned his head to try and see Cynthia's face. "Gum?"</p>
<p>"Yes! I try and put the key in, and it won't go because there's bloody chewing gum lodged inside the lock!" She sighed, "It took the landlord over thirty minutes to fish it all out. He almost had to remove the entire doorknob. Thank God he was in the building."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Cyn," John replied, squeezing her with his arm. </p>
<p>"We really do need to find a new home," Cynthia murmured. "I can't keep doing this. I feel like a prisoner."</p>
<p>With a nod, John agreed. "I'll see if Brian has any prospects."</p>
<p>The couple sat on the floor for a few more minutes, Cynthia leaning into John as he comforted her. Julian walked around in front of them, occasionally losing his balance and plopping down on his diaper-padded bottom. </p>
<p>"I'll get dinner started," Cynthia announced. "I'm not even sure when I'll have you here for another meal." She gave John a peck on the lips and then stood up. </p>
<p>"Don't worry about things, Cyn," John replied. "We'll get it all sorted out. But don't leave the flat again unless someone's with you, all right?"</p>
<p>Cynthia nodded and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving John to watch their son. He let out a small sigh, feeling a tinge of remorse for all the things his wife had to put up with - his own behavior being one of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16 - PAPERBACK WRITER</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 16 - PAPERBACK WRITER</p>
<p>••••<br/>Dear Sir or Madam, <br/>Will you read my book?<br/>It took me years to write, <br/>Will you take a look?<br/>••••</p>
<p>Before the car doors even opened, John could hear the screams clear as day from the crowd outside. Ready, Steady, Go! was filmed at Television House, located in London's Kingsway, which was currently flooded with a sea of teenaged girls.</p>
<p>The day had started back in Twickenham Studios with the four Beatles continuing to film scenes for their movie. At the end of the afternoon they were all whisked off into an awaiting car, and driven across town to Kingsway for their second appearance on the popular television program. </p>
<p>John watched as lines of London's finest policemen held back the throngs of fans, forming a pathway from the car to the front doors of the building. As he followed the men leading the way, all John could hear were the cries and sobs from the girls who were able to catch sight of their idols. He smiled and waved as he walked briskly into the building, still following the men in front of him.</p>
<p>"This way!" one man shouted, leading the group into a small green room. </p>
<p>There was a table containing an assortment of glass soda bottles and small finger foods, but there was no time for a snack before the barrage of men in suits were escorting the band through the green room and into the studio for a short rehearsal.</p>
<p>The open studio was already full of people, some moving large cameras into various locations, others flitting back and forth around the set while holding clipboards, and still more herding the musicians around as they explained what was needed from them. </p>
<p>Along with the Beatles, the show was also featuring Dusty Springfield, Bobby Vee, The Animals, and Millicent Martin. Because of this, the green room and long hall of dressing rooms were a chaotic jumble of smiles and hellos. </p>
<p>The program would be recorded and broadcast live at 6:15 PM which gave the group about an hour to run through a short rehearsal, grab a quick bite, and then put on their best Beatle-faces in order to mime their way through three of their popular songs as they played through the studio's sound system. It was during this hour that John first saw Ruby. </p>
<p>"Mr. Lennon," Ruby nodded with a smile. "Boys." </p>
<p>She was wearing a black, knee-length dress with a large white lace accent across the chest. Staring at it made John think of the last time he touched her warm breasts which were currently covered beneath that fabric. </p>
<p>"Miss Warren," John replied slyly, causing Ruby to reach over and slap him playful on the arm. </p>
<p>John had not seen nor spoken to Ruby since their meeting in the hotel almost a week ago. Filming for the movie, more television appearances, and promotion for John's upcoming book, combined with Ruby's own full schedule, meant that neither of them had time to get in touch. And after Cynthia's latest fiasco with the fans, John had felt a bit of guilt for his time with Ruby as well. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Fuckin' circus monkeys," John grumbled, as he buttoned his suit jacket in the Beatles' dressing room. "Can't even sing our own bloody songs and I have to pretend to play my damn guitar."</p>
<p>Ringo raised his eyebrows, checking his hair out in the large mirror. "It's not that bad. It's the way this one runs, yeah?"</p>
<p>"Aye," Paul nodded, "none of the groups get to play live on this show, remember?"</p>
<p>Before John could respond, there was a knock on the dressing room door. "Five minutes!" a male voice bellowed through the closed door. </p>
<p>After an introduction from Keith Fordyce, the Beatles began the show pretending to play and sing along to a recording of "You Can't Do That." Another sing-a-long and a few interviews later, John was standing next to Keith with a microphone being held to his face. </p>
<p>"Now our amateur disc jockey this week is John Lennon. Well, before we talk about music, what about books, John?" Keith asked. </p>
<p>"What about them?" John replied. </p>
<p>"Well you've just written one, haven't you?"</p>
<p>No shit, genius, John thought. "Well, I just so happen to have!" John playfully pushed Keith to the side and walked in the direction of one of the cameras. "It'll be out on Tuesday or Wednesday!" </p>
<p>Keith laughed and attempted to wrangle John back into position. "Well tell us what's in it."</p>
<p>"Rubbish." John deadpanned, causing some laughter from the audience. What kind of fucking question was that?</p>
<p>"Well is it poetry, prose, what?"</p>
<p>"It's sort of words and things with drawings."</p>
<p>"Well when we said you've just written it," Keith continued, "have you just written it? Or was it a long time ago?"</p>
<p>"It's been a long time. Long time. About forty years or so," John said with a flourish. </p>
<p>"Come off it, how long has it been?" Keith asked. </p>
<p>"No, it's been a coupla years. Some of it's old, some of it's new, something borrowed, something brown," John pulled a large, forced smile causing the audience to laugh again. </p>
<p>"Well you've heard of literary lions before," Keith said. "We should have a literary Lennon in the future."</p>
<p>John looked around, expressionless. Then he turned back to Keith and gave the most exaggerated, over the top laugh he could. "Oh, I get it!" he replied with a chuckle. Fucking hate these bloody interviews, he thought. </p>
<p>"But seriously," Keith continued, attempting to rein John in, "you like writing? Is this another form of expression for you?"</p>
<p>Are you fucking for real with these bloody questions? John thought. "I don't express nothing in the writing. I just do it for fun."</p>
<p>"Alright then, well choose a record for us!"</p>
<p>"Oh well we have some Marvin Gaye or..." John began. </p>
<p>Just then, Ruby crossed in front of the camera holding a large sign with something written on it. </p>
<p>"Did you say Marvin Gaye?" Keith asked as Ruby made another pass, this time holding the sign so the camera could see it. </p>
<p>"Oh, Marvin Gaye, he's me favorite, you see..." John replied, eyeing Ruby as she walked by again. "Of course we could also have the Shirelles -"</p>
<p>"Hang on here, what's this?" Keith interrupted. "We've got a campaign going on here." He motioned for Ruby to come over to them. </p>
<p>"Oh, you haven't noticed?" Ruby asked. </p>
<p>John looked at Ruby and at the large sign she was holding. Written in large letters were the words MY RECORD TENNESSEE WALTZ. They had practiced this little schtick during rehearsal, but John had a surprise hidden up his sleeve now that they were on live television. </p>
<p>"Oh, I know! How 'bout... How 'bout..." John put an arm over Ruby's shoulder and smiled. "How about playing 'Tennessee Waltz' by Ruby WARREN?" </p>
<p>John gave a huge smile and poked Ruby on the shoulder, quite pleased with his joke. Ruby gave him an exasperated smile. </p>
<p>"Sorry, sorry! Cohen!" John laughed, pulling both arms around Ruby as her song began to play over the sound system. </p>
<p>Ruby lifted up her large sign and pretended as if she were going to hit John with it as he stepped away from her laughing. The music blasted throughout the studio and the audience of teenagers all began dancing. Ruby stood next to John, laughing. </p>
<p>"I can't believe you did that!" she chided him, her voice no longer being picked up by microphones.</p>
<p>"I can't believe you didn't see it coming," John replied, grinning at Ruby. </p>
<p>"Tennessee Waltz" continued to play as John and Ruby stood next to each other. "I'm quite interested to see this book of yours once it's out," Ruby continued. </p>
<p>"It's nothing good," John replied. "Pages and pages of jokes and rubbish."</p>
<p>"I doubt that. Should I expect a private reading once it's published?" She paused for a moment and then added, "I'm having an Easter party next weekend. Of course all of you are invited."</p>
<p>John acknowledged her with a nod and was soon pulled away backstage to get ready for the Beatles' next segment in the show. </p>
<p>The rest of the show passed quickly. Towards the end, the four Beatles were shown a vast collection of Beatle artwork done by fans and were asked to judge the entries while "This Boy" played and the audience danced. Each Beatle was given a marker to "grade" the artwork, but they all spent most of the time doodling on the entries, adding mustaches and glasses to their drawn faces. John decided to write BUY MY BOOK in large letters on one of the entries. </p>
<p>Once the program taping was over, the group barely had time to gather their thoughts before being whisked off, yet again, through the throng of fans still waiting outside the studio. </p>
<p>"Ruby said she's having an Easter party next weekend," John announced once they were all safely tucked away in the car. </p>
<p>"Oh, I should pop in," Paul mumbled. </p>
<p>"I can't," Ringo replied, shaking his head. </p>
<p>"You can't either, John. Remember?" George asked. "We'll be off on holiday."</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17 - THINGS WE SAID TODAY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 17 - THINGS WE SAID TODAY</p>
<p>••••<br/>Someday when I'm lonely<br/>Wishing you weren't so far away<br/>Then I will remember<br/>Things we said today.<br/>••••</p>
<p>"Oh my good Lord!" Cynthia yelped with her eyes closed. "How much longer is it?"</p>
<p>"Not much," John replied, "but if you squeeze me hand any tighter I'm gonna be a half a cripple before we even land."</p>
<p>The small six-seater airplane that currently held John, Cynthia, George, and his new girlfriend Pattie Boyd was making its way across the sky, hitting every possible patch of rough air and turbulence between London and County Clare, Ireland. </p>
<p>"This is practically just a car with wings," Cynthia grimaced as they hit yet another turbulent bump. "How do we know it won't simply fall out of the sky?"</p>
<p>"It's a plane, isn't it?" George answered. "They fly. It's what they do." His demeanor was confident but John watched as George reached for Pattie's hand for reassurance. </p>
<p>Filming for the movie, which had recently been given the title of A Hard Day's Night thanks to one of Ringo's malapropisms, had gone on a brief hiatus for Easter. John and George had taken the opportunity to get away from the madness of London. They planned a holiday at Dromoland Castle, a 15th century Irish castle-turned-hotel, bringing their ladies with them. </p>
<p>Donning ridiculous costumes, the four of them had managed to stay anonymous as they made their way through Heathrow Airport and onto the tiny plane. Once they landed at Shannon Airport in Ireland the group enjoyed the same anonymity as they were chauffeured to the large castle. </p>
<p>"This is beautiful!" Pattie's eyes were wide as the group walked into their suite of reserved rooms. </p>
<p>"It really is!" Cynthia marveled. "And we made it here completely unrecognized. This is perfect!"</p>
<p>The group had a late dinner brought to them in their suite, and then both couples retired to their bedrooms for the evening. </p>
<p>"I can't believe we might get an entire weekend without a million little eyes trying to spy on us," Cynthia said with a contented sigh. "I miss Julian already, but this is amazing."</p>
<p>"Don't keep saying that or they'll end up finding us," John replied. "And you know full well that your mother is spoiling Jules rotten, and she hasn't even had him but a few hours yet."</p>
<p>After changing into pajamas, Cynthia sat on the large lavish bed and flipped though a book while John strummed his guitar next to her. </p>
<p>"I've missed this," Cynthia smiled. "I've missed us." She leaned against John and placed her head on his shoulder. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry it's been so bad with the birds downstairs. I really am looking into other places to live." John laid the guitar flat on his lap and looped an arm around Cynthia. "I was thinking something out of the city. A nice house in the country away from all the hustle and bustle."</p>
<p>"Oh that sounds wonderful," Cynthia gushed. "Something tucked away and maybe with a gate to keep the fans at bay. Oh, and big enough that my mother could come stay and help out with the baby!"</p>
<p>John let out a long groan. "Don't. Don't ruin this holiday before it's even started by talking about your bloody mother moving in."</p>
<p>"Well with you gone so often, it really would be -"</p>
<p>"You'd be more likely to convince me to staple scorpions to my arsehole than to have that woman live with us." John pulled his arm from behind Cynthia and went back to strumming on the guitar. </p>
<p>Cynthia sighed and gave John a look of amusement. "All right, no more of that talk." She reached over and placed a kiss on John's cheek. "When do we ever have an opportunity like this? A room with no guests, no babies, and no squealing girls outside."</p>
<p>John hands continued to bounce from chord to chord on the guitar. He soon stopped and placed it aside, leaning over and kissing Cynthia. It was true that they rarely had any alone time together anymore, much less without a baby in the next room. They settled down in the bed and made love before slipping off into a restful sleep. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning John awoke to the sounds of tea cups rattling around on saucers and cutlery being placed on the table. He opened his eyes and saw Cynthia setting the small table in their room with items from a rolling cart. </p>
<p>"Morning," Cynthia said as she noticed John stirring awake. "I called down and had them deliver brekkie to our room. I don't think George and Pattie are awake yet."</p>
<p>"What time is it?"</p>
<p>"Half ten."</p>
<p>John groaned. "Ugh, I could've done with a bit more sleep."</p>
<p>"Come have your tea and toast. You'll be awake in no time." Cynthia patted a chair. "Did you know this suite of rooms was used by America's President Kennedy not too long ago?" she asked as John sat down. "At least, that's what the attendant who brought our food said."</p>
<p>John and Cynthia enjoyed breakfast together. As he ate and leafed through a newspaper John felt a small weight being lifted from him. Being alone with no demands forced on him by the world was such a breath of fresh air. After breakfast George and Pattie joined John and Cynthia on a tour of the castle and the grounds surrounding it. The weather was brisk but sunny, and it was almost surreal how serene and quiet it was. </p>
<p>"I keep turning 'round expecting to see a mob of girls running at us," George laughed. "The quiet is a bit unnerving."</p>
<p>The group admired the large circular fountain centered in the back courtyard. After that they sat and fed a small group of ducks that had come onto the land from the nearby lake. Before they knew it, almost three hours had passed as they wandered a small portion of the castle's four hundred acres. </p>
<p>That night they dined together again, commenting on the serenity of the castle and how utterly perfect the day had been. </p>
<p>"We may have actually done it," John exclaimed. "Beat the press at their own game!"</p>
<p>After each couple retired to their respective rooms, John and Cynthia enjoyed another night of just the two of them. John was able to relax, and he felt a sense of calmness reminiscing about how things used to be between him and Cyn before the entire world exploded around them. </p>
<p>"I know I'm a right bastard most days, but I do love you, Cyn."</p>
<p>"I know you do," Cynthia smiled. "And I love you too, John."</p>
<p>The following morning both John and Cynthia were woken by the phone ringing. </p>
<p>"Hello?" John yawned into the receiver. </p>
<p>"Mornin'," an Irish voice replied and introduced himself as the manager of the hotel. "I'm sorry to inform you, but it seems your party has been recognized by the press. No less than twenty journalists and photographers have been in this morning asking for the Beatles and wanting interviews."</p>
<p>Moments later there was a knock on the door. It was Pattie. </p>
<p>"Did you see outside?" she asked. "There's a group forming. Seems we've been sussed out."</p>
<p>"Well that was short lived," John sighed. He got up to look out the window and was greeted with the sight of multiple reporters with large cameras pointed in the direction of their room. He pulled the curtains closed with another sigh. "Holed up in a bloody castle, and instead of bows and arrows, the enemy is out there holding fucking cameras."</p>
<p>Within an hour John and George consented to allow one single photo shoot, and a Daily Mirror photographer named Eric Piper was the lucky winner.  The deal allowed a set number of photographs to be taken with the explicit agreement that Cynthia and Pattie were not to be photographed or mentioned. </p>
<p>Eric clicked away while John and George playfully battled it out with swords acquired from a suit of armour found in the castle's hall. Another set of photos were taken as they played around with a croquet set on the lawn. </p>
<p>On Sunday, when it was time for the group to leave, it became apparent that they would not be able to all walk out and simply hop in a car. Brian Epstein had make it abundantly clear before the holiday that under NO circumstances was George to be photographed with Pattie. They had barely begun seeing each other, and Brian was still adamant that his band members appear single and available. Thankfully the hotel workers jumped right in and helped to form a plan. </p>
<p>"What a fucking mess," John grumbled. "George and I are going to the front desk to check out. Then we'll hop in a car and the press will see us leave," John explained to Cynthia. He then motioned to the man standing a few feet away. "He's going to help you and Pattie to sneak out in a laundry van before anyone is the wiser."</p>
<p>"A laundry van?" Cynthia squeaked. "That's what this has come to?" She let out a sigh, "And this holiday started out so lovely."</p>
<p>"I know, Cyn. I'm sorry." John placed a kiss on her forehead. "We've got to go, though. We'll meet up with you and Pattie on the airplane. It'll be okay."</p>
<p>The press was out in droves as he and George left the castle. Groups of teenage girls were also huddled around hoping to catch a glimpse of their idols. </p>
<p>"So much for fooling the press, eh?" George said as they made it in the car. </p>
<p>"One entire day without a screaming girl or a camera flash," John responded, a bit forlornly. "Maybe that's all we get anymore."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18 - I'M SO TIRED</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 18 - I'M SO TIRED</p>
<p>••••<br/>You'd say I'm putting you on.<br/>But it's no joke, <br/>It's doing me harm.<br/>You know I can't sleep, <br/>I can't stop my brain.<br/>You know it's three weeks, <br/>I'm going insane.<br/>You know I'd give you everything I've got<br/>For a little peace of mind.<br/>••••</p>
<p>Hammering, sawing, and the constant clamor of construction workers was slowly driving John insane. Six months had passed since the Easter holiday in Ireland, and a lot had happened since then; a new home being the biggest change. </p>
<p>In July, John and Cynthia had purchased Kenwood - a large house on the exclusive St. George's Hill Estate. The couple had created a long list of renovations to be done to their new home, but decided to move in while the work was underway. Unfortunately, this meant they were confined to the staff flat at the top of the house. </p>
<p>The closeness and intimacy John had shared with Cynthia during the weekend in Ireland had been lovely, even with the unwanted interruption by the press. John had attempted to retain that feeling once they returned home to London, but it was short lived. The demands of filming, along with the constant slew of television and radio appearances had thrown him right back into his old routines. </p>
<p>Once filming for A Hard Day's Night wrapped up, the group had taken three weeks off before jumping into a world tour, complete with excesses of women, alcohol, and general partying. By the time John had returned home from the tour, he was a pile of exhaustion. Of course, being a Beatle left him no time to recover, and purchasing the new house only compounded the situation. </p>
<p>"I swear to Christ, Cyn!" John bellowed. "If I trip over another fucking toy I'm going to chuck them all out the bloody window!"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, John. I'm trying my best to keep up with everything, but there's just not enough room for all of this stuff up here."</p>
<p>Julian was now 16 months old and a bundle of toddler energy. He was running full speed through the small flat on the top floor of Kenwood, dodging furniture and boxes, and leaving a strew of toys in his wake. </p>
<p>"Can't you bloody take him outside or something?" John asked, kicking blocks and stuffed animals out of his way. </p>
<p>"I've tried that," Cynthia explained. "The last time I had him out there he picked up two stray nails and almost put them in his mouth! There's just too much construction debris out there."</p>
<p>John sighed. They had moved into Kenwood a month ago, and the construction was set to go on for another eight months.  "This fucking American tour is coming at just the right time," John muttered. The Beatles would be leaving again for America in just a few days. "I can't bloody live like this."</p>
<p>Cynthia attempted to wrangle Julian and occupy him with some wooden stacking rings while she picked up various other toys. "Having my mother here will be a lot of help. An extra set of eyes and hands will make all the difference."</p>
<p>With a groan, John stalked out of the small living room. Cynthia's mother would be joining her in the new house while John was on tour. The bloody old bat will be moved in by the time I get back, John thought to himself. </p>
<p>Now in the bedroom, John rifled through some clothes hanging in the too-small closet. Brian Epstein was having a party at his home that evening, and Ruby would be there. </p>
<p>After his holiday at the Irish Castle, John had attempted to quell his extramarital shenanigans. His efforts hadn't lasted long, and he soon found himself in Ruby's company numerous times. Sometimes he would go to her flat, and other times he would meet her anonymously at various West End hotels before leaving on the World Tour. But that tour lasted over two months, and John hadn't seen Ruby since then. </p>
<p>"Don't wait up," John grumbled as he got ready to leave. "I've no intention of being home before the sun."</p>
<p>With a sigh, Cynthia nodded and picked up Julian. "Give daddy a kiss!" she chirped to the toddler as she bounced him on her hip and leaned him over to his father. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>The upbeat atmosphere at Brian's flat in Whaddon House was a welcome change for John's foul mood. Among the copious amount of guests mingling about were Judy Garland, Cilla Black, Tommy Steele, Lionel Bart, and members of The Rolling Stones. </p>
<p>And Ruby. </p>
<p>"The best flight I remember was that one to Hong Kong." George was saying as John joined the group consisting of Ruby, Mal, Ringo, Keith Richards, and Cilla Black. "It took a million hours and I remember them saying, 'Return to your seats, we're approaching Hong Kong.' I thought, we can't be there already. We'd been sitting on the floor of the plane, drinking and taking Prellies for about thirty hours, and it seemed like a ten-minute flight."</p>
<p>The small group laughed at the story, and John nudged himself in so that he was standing next to Ruby. She looked over and gave him a wink. </p>
<p>John never had a shortage of girls in his life. The World Tour alone had been full of multiple different girls each night. But it was just sex. They didn't mean anything. He might have told a few of them how special they were in the moment, but in reality John couldn't even remember any of their names, assuming he even bothered to ask in the first place. </p>
<p>Ruby, on the other hand was special. It started out as just sex, but something about her kept John wanting more. And over the course of the year, he had gotten to know her and even enjoyed spending time with her without sex. </p>
<p>"How about that time that bloke climbed the damn building, John?" Ringo laughed. "Tell that one!"</p>
<p>John jumped in immediately with the story. "We were leaving Australia and all shoving our dirty clothes into bags when I heard a knock on the window. I thought it must have been one of the others mucking around, so I didn't take any notice. But the knocking kept on so I went over to the balcony and there was this lad who looked just like a typical Liverpool lad. I knew before he opened his mouth where he was from, because nobody else would be climbing up eight floors. This lad, Peter, walked in and goes, 'Hullo dere,' and I said, 'Hullo dere,' and he told me how he'd climbed eight floors up the drainpipe, from balcony to balcony."</p>
<p>"No shit?" Keith Richards asked. </p>
<p>"Hand to God," John replied. "I gave him a drink because he deserved one, and then I took him 'round to see the others. They thought I was joking when I told them."</p>
<p>The evening went on and guests flowed in and out of the living room and kitchen. Sometime after midnight Ruby approached John as he was refilling his drink. </p>
<p>"I'm going for some fresh air on the balcony," she stated with a smile. "Join me?"</p>
<p>John followed Ruby onto the narrow balcony which was surrounded with ornate black metal railings. He immediately pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his breast pocket and lit one. </p>
<p>"That was quite the story earlier," Ruby laughed, looking down at the ground from the top floor balcony. "I can't imagine a person climbing up the side of a building." She turned her head to look at John with a twinkle in her eye. "You lead quite the life, Mr. Lennon."</p>
<p>"You've no idea," John nodded. "What about you? I haven't seen you in months. Surely you've been busy."</p>
<p>"Just the usual," Ruby answered with a wave of her hand. "Parties and movie premiers. And some radio and television appearances, of course. I was a panelist on Juke Box Jury a few days ago."</p>
<p>John nodded and took a long drag on his cigarette. "We leave soon. American again. Can't bloody wait to get away."</p>
<p>Ruby gave John an amused look. "Am I boring you that much, then?"</p>
<p>"Oh, hush," John chuckled. "It's this fuckin' new house we bought. Way out in the country and a million years of renovations to be done. We're stuck in this tiny flat on the top floor while the construction goes on. And Cyn wants her fuckin' mum to move in." He tossed the cigarette butt off the balcony and watched as it fell down to the earth below. "This whole 'wife and baby country life' isn't what I'm made for."</p>
<p>"Let's get out of here." Ruby stepped closer and ran her hand down John's chest, playing with his necktie. She looked up at him, grinning. "Sandra's out of town til Friday, and it sounds like you could do for some alone time."</p>
<p>John felt himself physically responding to Ruby's touch. He didn't have to think twice about her offer. "Lets go, then," he replied as he looked down at Ruby, focusing on her lips. </p>
<p>"I'll go first. Meet me at my flat." Ruby smiled and took a step back. She then turned and made her way back inside. </p>
<p>John stood there for a moment after watching her walk away. He then mingled around the party saying his goodbyes while Ruby did the same. She left first and then John followed twenty minutes later so as not to raise any suspicions. </p>
<p>  </p>
<p>Finally at Ruby's flat, John knocked on the door. He heard the sound of the latch unlocking, and then the door slowly opened. Ruby stood on the other side of the threshold wearing absolutely nothing other than a mischievous grin.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19 - HER MAJESTY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 19 - HER MAJESTY</p>
<p>••••<br/>Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl,<br/>But she changes from day to day.<br/>I want to tell her <br/>that I love her a lot,<br/>But I gotta get a bellyful of wine.<br/>Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl.<br/>Someday I'm gonna make her mine.<br/>••••</p>
<p>The shock of seeing Ruby open the door stark naked quickly passed, and John stepped inside the flat. He immediately grabbed Ruby by the waist and kissed her, kicking the door closed behind him.</p>
<p>Neither of them said a word as they fumbled into the living room, still kissing and clinging onto each other. John's hands roamed Ruby's naked body and stopped at her breasts. </p>
<p>"You're wearing entirely too many clothes, Mr. Lennon," Ruby breathed into his ear.</p>
<p>"So it seems," John grunted, grabbing his tie with one hand and pulling it loose, while still holding on to the back of Ruby's waist with his other hand. He stepped out of his shoes as he continued to press his lips against her warm skin. </p>
<p>Ruby quickly unbuttoned John's shirt while he worked on his belt buckle. Before he even realized it, John was completely naked with the exception of his socks. The duo had stumbled their way into the lounge as they groped at each other. </p>
<p>"You sure Sandra's not gonna show up?" John asked, pressing his lips into the side of Ruby's neck. He was very aware that they were both naked, and nothing was shielding them from the front door, should it open. </p>
<p>"She's in Scotland," Ruby mumbled as she tilted her head back with a moan. "Get your mind off her, and get your hands on me."</p>
<p>That was all John needed to hear. He fell back to sit on the couch, grimacing at the coldness of the leather against his skin. He reached for Ruby in order to pull her on to his lap, but before he could, Ruby knelt before him. She squeezed herself between his open knees, and steadying herself with one hand, took John into her mouth, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. </p>
<p>This was the first time Ruby had done that to John, and it took him by surprise. He let out a small groan and placed a hand on her head, lacing his fingers lightly through her hair. </p>
<p>John couldn't get enough of Ruby. She was one surprise after another, and she seemed to be just the right amount of everything - sexy, independent, and most importantly, willing. </p>
<p>As Ruby continued to take him deeper into her mouth, John allowed his hand to wander from her hair, down to her shoulder, and ultimately to her breast. She twisted herself just slightly, allowing John access to her nipple and he pinched it gently. Ruby let out a guttural moan. Hearing such an animalistic sound from her completely undid John. </p>
<p>"Come here," John whispered, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I want you up here."</p>
<p>Ruby obliged with a naughty smile, and within a matter of seconds she was straddling him as he sat on the couch. John wanted to see her face. This realization surprised him. Usually he couldn't care less about seeing a bird's face. They all ended up running together anyway. </p>
<p>But Ruby... </p>
<p>Ruby was something else. Something special. </p>
<p>The entire time she was straddling John, sliding up and down and building the tension within them, Ruby maintained eye contact with him. The tiny gasps and moans that escaped her lips were accented by John's heavy breathing. </p>
<p>He looped an arm around her waist and twisted, laying her on the couch beneath him. "You're too much, Miss Sara Sequin," he panted.</p>
<p>They melded themselves together on the couch until neither of them had anything more to give, and waves of pleasure coursed through their bodies. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"It's 4:00 in the morning." Ruby stood up from the couch and sauntered across the room, still fully naked, to the liquor tray. </p>
<p>John's eyes followed her the entire way, focusing on the sway of her hips and the way her ass looked as she walked. </p>
<p>"Wine?" Ruby turned and asked. "Scotch?"</p>
<p>"Whatever you're having," John replied, a bit embarrassed that she caught him admiring her body. </p>
<p>Ruby returned with two glasses of red wine. John stood from the couch and took one from her, suddenly very aware of his own nakedness. He grabbed his pants from the floor and slid them on and then sat back on the couch with his wine. </p>
<p>"I never pegged you as being modest," Ruby chuckled. She joined him on the couch. </p>
<p>"I'm just cold, is all."</p>
<p>Ruby's only reply was a small nod as she took a sip of wine.</p>
<p>They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, both taking the occasional drink from their glass. John's eyes were drawn to the shelves of records and he ultimately got up and began to run a finger over a row of album sleeves. Ruby slipped from the lounge and returned with a lavender dressing gown draped over her shoulders. </p>
<p>"You know, there's plans in the works for me to record a single with your producer," Ruby's melodic voice broke the silence. </p>
<p>"George?" </p>
<p>Ruby nodded. "A little over a month from now. If it all works out, that is."</p>
<p>"He's a great bloke, George," John replied, turning his attention back to the albums. "We wouldn't be who we are without his guidance."</p>
<p>"Well you boys have certainly done well for yourselves. And now you're off again to America, yes?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, although it's all the same anymore, isn't it?" John walked over the the hi-fi and placed a record on the turntable. "Anywhere we go, all we see is hotel rooms, cars, dressing rooms, and stages. I could be in the most beautiful city on earth, and all I'd ever see is four walls."</p>
<p>"The price of fame," Ruby nodded as The Animals' version of "House of the Rising Sun" filled the room. "You gain fame and lose freedom."</p>
<p>"Ya know, people think fame and money bring freedom, but they don't. We're all a bit more conscious now of the limitations it places on us." John returned to the couch. "We still eat the same kind of food as we did before, and have the same friends. You don't change things like that overnight. But we can't even spend the allowance we get, because there's nothing to spend it on. What can you spend on in a room?"</p>
<p>Conversation continued and music played on. The sun was starting to rise, and Ruby and John were still sitting in the lounge drinking wine. </p>
<p>"How is it that you've gotten to where you are in life and never got married?" John asked, feeling the effects of the alcohol. </p>
<p>Ruby laughed and emptied the last of their most recent bottle of wine into her glass. "Perhaps that's how I got to where I am in life."</p>
<p>"You'd probably do it the right way if you did. You'd do it good and not fuck it all up like I am."</p>
<p>"Marriage is a very all-consuming thing," Ruby mused. "It takes quite a bit of work, I imagine. A career is equally as consuming, and I've never felt the desire to be pulled in two directions at once."</p>
<p>"That's the problem. I just feel like I'm always trying to play catch-up when I'm home," John sighed. "The world wants the Beatles, and the Beatles want the world. I spent my entire life trying to get to where I am. A wife and a baby don't fit into that most times, and I don't know how to make them."</p>
<p>There was a brief silence before Ruby's voice cut through it. "Well I'm afraid we've managed to finish up the last of the red wine."</p>
<p>Even though the lounge had no windows, John could see that the morning sun was now pouring through the windows in the adjoining living room. </p>
<p>"I have an engagement early this afternoon," Ruby continued. "I suppose there's no sense in going to sleep just to wake up in a couple of hours."</p>
<p>John didn't respond immediately. His mind was still drunkenly tumbling through ideas about how his life was one constant battle with itself; Beatle John versus Husband John. And everyone knows that a Beatle always wins. </p>
<p>"Come with me," Ruby cooed, standing up from the couch. Her dressing gown parted slightly to show her naked body beneath it. "Come to bed before you leave."</p>
<p>Again, John didn't respond. But he stood up and followed Ruby out of the lounge and down the hallway to her bedroom. They wasted no time falling into bed together, both naked, drunk and a bit sloppy with their actions. Round two was quick and fierce. </p>
<p>When they were done, John lit a cigarette and watched Ruby as she sat at her vanity and brushed her hair. She could be such a contradiction - aloof and yet interested at the same time. </p>
<p>"You should let me take you to dinner one night," John said, blowing smoke from between his lips with each word. </p>
<p>Ruby laughed and used the vanity mirror to look at John behind her on the bed. "You're quite the joker, Mr. Lennon. Should we tell your wife about our dinner plans beforehand? Or just let her read about it in the paper?"</p>
<p>"I just mean you shouldn't have to be some hidden away secret all the time," John scoffed. "Least I could do is buy you a meal."</p>
<p>"Ah, but isn't that exactly what this is? A secret?" Ruby turned in her chair to face John. "Whether it's what you want or not, you're married. I'm not looking to break up a marriage, John. Not to mention the fact my Jewish father would be rolling in his grave if he knew I was cavorting around with a goy," Ruby laughed. </p>
<p>"I didn't ask you to bloody marry me," John muttered. "Fucking dinner is just that. Dinner." He stood up and began to redress. "Don't flatter yourself," he spat. </p>
<p>"I don't need to flatter myself, John." Ruby stood from the vanity. "And you don't need to get defensive." She walked over to him and kissed him, placing a hand on his chest. "Dinner with you would be lovely, but the repercussions of it wouldn't be."</p>
<p>John knew Ruby was right. He also knew that he was starting to feel things for her that he wasn't ready to accept.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20 - TICKET TO RIDE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 20 - TICKET TO RIDE</p>
<p>••••<br/>I think I'm gonna be sad,<br/>I think it's today, yeah.<br/>The girl that's driving me mad<br/>Is going away.<br/>••••</p>
<p>The fire in the fireplace next to John was crackling and popping. The warmth felt nice, and John stared at the flames as they danced in front of him. Strings of lyrics were bouncing around in his head as he idly strummed his acoustic guitar. </p>
<p>1965 had started with a bang. Now, at the beginning of February, John was on holiday in the Swiss Alps with Cynthia, George Martin, and his fiancé Judy. On their second day there George had managed to break his foot, putting an end to his days of skiing as quickly as they began.</p>
<p>"Could you please hand me that book, John?"</p>
<p>"You break one little bone and expect to get yourself waited on hand and foot, eh?" John laughed as he reached for the hardcover book on the large coffee table. </p>
<p>"You think this was somehow intentional?" George asked with a raised eyebrow. "I'd be much better off to have done this back home, in that case."</p>
<p>John laughed and handed him the book. He lightly tapped George on his leg, which was heavily wrapped and propped up on a small ottoman. "Better you than me, I suppose."</p>
<p>John continued to strum on his guitar and watch the fire as the flames changed from red, to yellow, to blue at their tips. The private suite of rooms the group was occupying included a large sitting area which connected the bedrooms. It was that room which housed the fireplace and couches, and John had made use of it numerous times over the holiday to work on songs.</p>
<p>Cynthia emerged from their bedroom and joined John and George at the fire. She was freshly showered after their day on the slopes. "It's really such a shame about your foot," she said with a sympathetic smile.</p>
<p>"I suppose I've had to live vicariously through the rest of you, haven't I?" George responded.</p>
<p>Cynthia gave a small laugh and sat down next to John, watching him as his hands moved from chord to chord. "Is that a new one?" she asked. </p>
<p>"Hmm?" John mumbled. </p>
<p>"That little melody," Cynthia explained. "You've been playing those chords over and over everyday. A new song you're working on?"</p>
<p>John nodded but didn't say anything. The song he was working on was something he had floating in his head for a few weeks now. There wasn't much more than an opening verse and a tiny melody to go along with it, but John knew exactly what the song would be about. </p>
<p>Ruby. </p>
<p>They hadn't spoken much about their relationship after the evening of wine drinking at Ruby's flat, but they had continued to see each other periodically after John returned from America again. Each visit confirmed more and more that Ruby was something other than just an easy lay. </p>
<p>This song that was floating through his head was his chance to express all that without actually having to say it. John felt a bit of guilt for his wife, and had toyed with the idea of confessing about Ruby. Certainly she must have some idea of my infidelities, John thought. Perhaps this song could be his way of coming clean.</p>
<p>"How's the foot?" Judy, George Martin's fiancé asked as she approached the small group. "Can I get you anything?"</p>
<p>John allowed his attention to be pulled away from his thoughts. He leaned back into the couch and placed the acoustic guitar flat on his lap. </p>
<p>"No, thank you," George responded, and Judy sat down next to him. </p>
<p>"How about you?" Judy turned her focus to Cynthia. "You took a bit of a tumble out there today."</p>
<p>Cynthia laughed. "Oh, I'm quite alright. Nothing injured except maybe my pride," she replied with a smile. </p>
<p>"If that's the case, I shouldn't have any pride left," John joked. "I don't know how people manage to get down those hills all in one piece. My arse spent more time in the snow than my skis did."</p>
<p>After a late dinner together, the two couples found themselves around the fire once again. This had become a nightly tradition over the two week holiday. As always, John's guitar was nearby and he was still churning lyrics around in his head as the others chatted. </p>
<p>"Isn't it exciting about Ritchie and Maureen?" Cynthia asked the group. </p>
<p>"Do they have a date set?" Judy asked. </p>
<p>"They didn't when we left, but I know they wanted it done quickly," Cynthia responded. "I'm betting they'll be married by the end of the month."</p>
<p>"Another Beatle wife, then?" George asked. </p>
<p>"And another Beatle baby," John added. "That's why they're in such a hurry, isn't it?"</p>
<p>Cynthia gave him a chastising look. </p>
<p>"Oh, I know," John sighed. "I'm one to talk..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The flight back to London was relatively uneventful, with the slight exception of getting a hobbling George Martin on and off the plane. </p>
<p>In the weeks following their return John kept busy. He attended the small City Hall wedding of Ringo and Maureen, passed his driving test, and spent days in the studio recording songs for their next album. And of course there was Ruby. By the end of the month the band was off on yet another plane, this time on their way to the Bahamas to begin filming their second movie. </p>
<p>After two weeks of non-stop filming in the Bahamas, John sipped a scotch and coke and attempted to relax on the plane flight back to London. The four Beatles would have just two days at home before heading off for another round of filming in Austria. </p>
<p>That night John reunited with Cynthia and Julian in Kenwood, but the following day he was making plans with Ruby again. Another romp in another random hotel under another false name. </p>
<p>  </p>
<p>"When you think of the bloody Bahamas, you think of nice tropical weather, right?" John was sitting on the hotel bed wearing only his trousers and smoking a cigarette. "Apparently even paradise has cold weather in February. We were fuckin' freezing half the time."</p>
<p>Ruby laughed. She was still completely naked from their recent shenanigans in bed, and she smiled as she walked around the hotel room. That was something John found incredibly fascinating about her. Ruby had completely no inhibitions about her body. If anything, she seemed more comfortable naked than clothed. </p>
<p>"Beachfront paradise and you boys spent it shivering?" Ruby asked. "I can't imagine the Bahamas ever being cold."</p>
<p>"That's exactly what we thought when we suggested it!" John exclaimed. "Joke's on us, I suppose. And now we're off to Austria to film in the snow."</p>
<p>Ruby sat down next to John on the edge of the bed. He couldn't help but glance at her bare breasts. She leaned her face in close to John's. "I'm sure you'll find a way to keep warm while you're there," she teased. "A man like you doesn't have a shortage of willing women - "</p>
<p>Even though they'd just had sex a few minutes ago, John felt his body reacting and responding to Ruby. He stared at her lips as she spoke and interrupted her by kissing them. He placed a hand on the soft skin of her waist and then moved it up until he was cupping her breast.</p>
<p>"You should come with me," he breathed into her ear. "You know just how to keep me warm."</p>
<p>Ruby let out a small chuckle as her lips found John's again, and she slid her tongue between them. "You're a funny one," she said as she pulled away again. </p>
<p>John tilted his head, thinking. Suddenly he felt very serious about his offhand comment. Perhaps it was the way Ruby brushed it off or perhaps it was something deeper within John, but in that moment John's mind was settled. </p>
<p>"You know something?" he started. "You should come. Really." He looked directly into Ruby's eyes. "Come to Austria with me. I'm sure you could use a holiday."</p>
<p>Ruby laughed again but soon stopped when she saw the look on John's face. "You can't possibly be serious, John."</p>
<p>"I am. I'm dead fuckin' serious. Come to Austria."</p>
<p>Ruby didn't respond immediately. She stood up from the bed and picked up her dress from the floor. John couldn't tell what was going through her head, but he felt himself growing more and more self conscious in the silence.</p>
<p>"Well?" he asked. </p>
<p>For the briefest moment Ruby's face was a mix of confusion and desire. She gave a tiny, quick shake of her head and was suddenly back to the cool and confident woman John was used to. </p>
<p>"Don't be ridiculous, John," Ruby scolded. "I don't know where you even come up with these cockamamie ideas."</p>
<p>"It was just a thought," John grumbled. "Just a fucking thought."</p>
<p>He watched as Ruby gathered her clothing, slowly returning them to her curvy frame. Her dark brown curls bounced against her shoulders as she shimmied into the maroon A-line dress, and John couldn't resist taking one last glance at her breasts before they were concealed behind the fabric. Stuffing her bra and panties into her purse, Ruby walked over to John who was still seated on the edge of the bed. </p>
<p>"Go home to your wife and son. I'll see you next time, love." She leaned over and placed a kiss on John's nose.</p>
<p>"Next time, then," John replied, suddenly becoming very interested in an invisible speck of nothing on the bedspread so as to avoid eye contact. The door opened and then closed, leaving John alone in the hotel room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later that evening, sitting in Paul's attic apartment in the Asher home, John quietly strummed a few familiar chords while they shared a joint between them. After meeting Bob Dylan months earlier, marijuana had slowly become a regular part of their routine. </p>
<p>"I've got this song in the works," he said to Paul. "Been in me head since the holiday to the Alps, but I only have the first few words."</p>
<p>"Let's hear it, then," Paul replied, plucking around on his own guitar. </p>
<p>John continued to strum, his playing becoming more serious. After a moment he sang the opening words. </p>
<p>"I once had a girl. Or, should I say, she once had me...."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21 - HELP!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 21 - HELP!</p>
<p>••••<br/>And now my life has changed <br/>in oh so many ways.<br/>My independence seems to <br/>vanish in the haze.<br/>But every now and then <br/>I feel so insecure.<br/>I know that I just need you <br/>like I've never done before.<br/>••••</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>Cynthia stared at John disdainfully. </p>
<p>"I said no the first time, Cyn. Don't act all upset like you didn't know that was coming." John walked into the kitchen attempting to end the conversation. </p>
<p>"It's no secret anymore, John," Cynthia said, following him into the kitchen. "It's not as if the world doesn't know you're married."</p>
<p>John turned the knob on the stove and placed the kettle on the hob. </p>
<p>"Sometimes having me around is even helpful, isn't it?" Cynthia continued. "That party at the hotel last month - the one with Bob Dylan and Allen...." her voice trailed off as she struggled to remember his last name. "Allen...?"</p>
<p>"Ginsberg," John said flatly, still facing the stove. "Allen bloody Ginsberg."</p>
<p>"Yes! That's who!"</p>
<p>"And your point is?" John turned to face her. </p>
<p>"Well I was right helpful there, wasn't I? That whole atmosphere was quite tense until you made that comment about William Blake and then I gave you a good ribbing -"</p>
<p>"Yeah of course. Good job, that," John interrupted with a growl. "Is that what you want to hear?"</p>
<p>"Up. Uppy," Julian wandered in dragging a blanket and tugged at his mom's skirt. </p>
<p>Cynthia sighed. "I just mean that -"</p>
<p>"Uppyyyy! Up!" Julian whined. </p>
<p>"Pick up the God damned child already, would you?" John barked.</p>
<p>Cynthia obliged and balanced two year old Julian on her hip. </p>
<p>"It's not one of those, any road," John continued. "No one's bringing anyone, fuckin' married or not."</p>
<p>Having heard the commotion, Cynthia's mother, Lillian wandered into the kitchen. John rolled his eyes and turned back to face the kettle. </p>
<p>"You shouldn't use such language in front of the child," Lillian chided. </p>
<p>"And you shouldn't barge into conversations that don't involve you," John muttered, his back still facing the two women. </p>
<p>"I swear, Cynthia, I don't know why you put up with such rubbish." Lil reached for her grandson. "Come on, Jules. Let's go to the garden and see if the rain has stopped."</p>
<p>After her mother and Julian were out of ear's reach, Cynthia let out a small sigh. "She's only trying to be helpful."</p>
<p>"The only way she'd be helpful is to fucking move out already." </p>
<p>The kettle began to whistle and John removed it from the hob. Cynthia quietly retrieved tea cups and saucers from the cupboard and placed them on a tray sitting on the counter. </p>
<p>"Are we done, then?" John asked. When Cynthia didn't respond, he added, "With that line of questioning? You've got your answer about the damn party, all right?"</p>
<p>With a nod, Cynthia picked up the tea tray and walked out to the sitting room leaving John alone in the kitchen. He leaned back against the counter and closed his eyes, letting out a long breath between his pursed lips. </p>
<p>John hadn't set out to get into an argument with Cynthia. He really hadn't even thought she would want to go to some bloody party tonight when he had first brought it up. But of course she had, and of course that just proved to John what happens when you go and do something stupid like assume things. </p>
<p>John opened his eyes and looked around the kitchen. Kenwood was still in the midst of renovations, but they were slowly shuffling out of the servant quarters on the top floor and into the actual living space of the home. The kitchen was half-kitchen and half-storage at that point, and John absentmindedly opened and closed a flap of one of the numerous cardboard boxes sitting around. </p>
<p>I shouldn't have even said anything about a fucking party, John thought to himself. </p>
<p>The truth of the matter was that there was no party at all. John had made the entire thing up as another excuse to get out of the damned house and see Ruby again. Of course he didn't need an excuse to leave, but it made things easier.</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"Ruby's," John said after closing the door to the car. </p>
<p>"Right-o," came the response from Alf Bicknell, the current driver for the Beatles. He knew the route well by this point. </p>
<p>The drive from Kenwood to Ruby's London flat took almost an hour. Alf blabbered away for the majority of the trip with John throwing in a hum of agreement here and there. But as he smoked a joint and then a chain of cigarettes, he was mostly stuck in his own head. </p>
<p>Things at home were less than ideal, and things within John's mind weren't much better. Alcohol never numbed the pain and frustration inside him, but that had never stopped John from trying. Marijuana was a bit better in terms of distracting him from his feelings, but even that wasn't any kind of real solution. That left sex.</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"Scotch?"</p>
<p>"Ta," John nodded. </p>
<p>It was a Tuesday night in the dead of summer, and the atmosphere in Ruby's flat was casual and relaxing. No party, no full flat of guests. Just John, Ruby, and her sister Sandra. </p>
<p>John hadn't realized Sandra would be there, but by the look Ruby gave him when he arrived, it seemed like she hadn't been aware Sandra would be home either. Either way, it didn't really matter in the end. John made numerous visits to Ruby's, and Sandra was there more often than she wasn't. </p>
<p>"You look a bit morose," Sandra observed. </p>
<p>John pulled his attention from the thoughts tumbling around in his head and turned it to Sandra. "Morose, you say? That's a big word for a little bird."</p>
<p>Sandra gave him an amused smirk. </p>
<p>"Pensive," Ruby announced as she sat down next to John. "Perhaps that's more the look you're giving." She gave John a warm smile. "Long day?"</p>
<p>John took a long sip from his glass. "Sometimes I feel like I'm the walking poster child for 'Be careful what you wish for or you just might get it.'"</p>
<p>"How's that?" Ruby asked. </p>
<p>"Oh, ya know. Here I am in my Hansel and Gretel house, famous and loaded, and I can't go anywhere. I've got everything I ever wanted. Fame, fortune, millions of adoring fans. Even a bloody wife and baby at home. And I'm fucking miserable." John loosened his tie and took another swig from the glass. "Joke's on me, right?"</p>
<p>"It's no joke," Ruby responded. "It's the price of fame. Unrelenting, uncaring fame. You have to be hard as nails to tolerate it, because fame doesn't care how you feel."</p>
<p>"Well even nails bend sometimes when hit the wrong way." John let out a hollow laugh, "You should hear some of the bleedin' ridiculous questions these reporters ask us anymore. And the fans that act like we're the fuckin' second coming of Christ. It just wears on you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The evening went on, and at some point around 2:00 AM Sandra excused herself to bed. </p>
<p>"About time," John leaned in towards Ruby, his eyes a bit glassy with alcohol. </p>
<p>With a smile, Ruby looked into John's eyes. "You're drunk."</p>
<p>"Drunk on you."</p>
<p>Ruby laughed. </p>
<p>"I am, ya know."</p>
<p>"What I know is that you say a lot of things you don't necessarily mean."</p>
<p>"I say everything that I mean," John replied with a raised eyebrow. "And I mean everything that I say."</p>
<p>"Now I know you're drunk," Ruby chuckled. </p>
<p>"No Rube, really. I'm drunk on you." John sat up straight and looked intently at Ruby. "You know who you remind me of?"</p>
<p>"Who?" </p>
<p>"Me mum."</p>
<p>Ruby looked quizzicality at John before responding. "I don't think that's quite the person I had in mind..."</p>
<p>"No, not anything weird." John ran a hand through his hair trying to find the words he was looking for. "Me mum was cool. She was hip. She's the one who taught me to play the banjo and encouraged me to stick with music. She was fun, and happy, and everything me aunt who raised me wasn't. She had her mind, and she spoke it." He paused, looking at Ruby to see if she was understanding. "That's you. You don't belong to anyone, and that's of your own doing. You do what you want and aren't bothered to care what anyone else thinks."</p>
<p>"I don't know what to say to that, John."</p>
<p>"Say you understand," John replied and leaned in to kiss her. </p>
<p>Ruby pulled back after the kiss. "Well I'm not sure that I actually do."</p>
<p>"Come away with me," John whispered, leaning in to nibble on her neck. "Come on holiday. Come anywhere with me."</p>
<p>"John..."</p>
<p>"We'll run away from it all. Hide from all the madness." John was kissing Ruby's neck urgently between words, and his hands were roaming her body. </p>
<p>"John."</p>
<p>"You'll be my second chance to do it right -"</p>
<p>"John!" Ruby gently pushed him off of her. </p>
<p>John blinked a few times to refocus his eyes on Ruby's face. </p>
<p>"John," she repeated softly. "You don't even know what you're saying. How many drinks did you have, exactly?"</p>
<p>"Not enough to make me say things I don't mean," John answered seriously. "You know what we have together. I see it in your eyes. I see that you know it."</p>
<p>"John..." Ruby took a breath.</p>
<p>"What?" His eyes were glistening with anticipation. </p>
<p>"I think you should go home."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22 - I WANT TO TELL YOU</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 22 - I WANT TO TELL YOU</p>
<p>••••<br/>Sometimes I wish I knew you well.<br/>Then I could speak my mind <br/>and tell you.<br/>Maybe you'd understand.<br/>I want to tell you,<br/>I feel hung up and I don't <br/>know why<br/>I don't mind, I could wait forever. <br/>I've got time.<br/>••••</p>
<p>John looked at Ruby and blinked a few times. "You want me to go home? You fucking want me to go home??"</p>
<p>"I said that I think you should go home. What I want doesn't matter, John," Ruby replied with a slight tremor in her voice. "But either way, you should go."</p>
<p>"What's with you?" John was trying to keep his temper from boiling over. "Every time I so much as mention anything about us, you freeze up and disappear."</p>
<p>Ruby's eyes were looking everywhere other than at John while he spoke. She seemed extremely uncomfortable and John could hear her shallow breathing. </p>
<p>"Rube," John said softly. </p>
<p>Ruby stood up from the couch and walked into the lounge. John stayed seated and watched her as she walked away. His brain was telling him to get up and walk out the door. Just say fuck it all and walk away. That's what she wants after all, isn't it? </p>
<p>But John's heart knew there was something more going on. 'What I want doesn't matter' Ruby had said. Those words were replaying over and over in John's head as he sat waiting for her to come back from the lounge. When it became apparent that Ruby wasn't returning, John stood up and cautiously approached the entrance to the lounge.</p>
<p>Standing in the open archway, John silently observed Ruby. Her back was to him as she stood at the large tray of various alcohol bottles. She lifted a small glass to her lips and took a long sip of amber colored liquid. Whether or not she was aware of John's presence, she didn't let on. </p>
<p>"Rube," John finally said in the same soft voice as earlier. </p>
<p>Ruby didn't respond. She slowly walked over to one of the leather couches, taking another sip as she sat down. What the hell? John asked himself silently. </p>
<p>"Ruby?" he repeated. </p>
<p>She finally looked up, acknowledging John for the first time. John took this opportunity to join her on the couch, cautiously sitting down as if any sudden move might cause her to flee again. </p>
<p>"Why did you say that what you want doesn't matter?" John asked. When Ruby didn't answer, he continued. "Of course it matters, Ruby."</p>
<p>"I've never married," Ruby stated flatly. </p>
<p>John squinted his eyes, desperately trying to understand Ruby's train of thought. "Yes... I know that -"</p>
<p>"I've never married," Ruby continued, "for a reason."</p>
<p>Still not understanding where she was going with this, John took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay... and what reason is that?"</p>
<p>Ruby took another sip of her drink and then lowered it, cupping the glass carefully between both hands. She then looked directly at John. "I almost did. Twice actually." She paused and looked down at the glass again. "The first time was when I was quite young - just turned seventeen. He was my first experience with love and I thought it was all happiness and fairy tales."</p>
<p>John sat patiently while Ruby took another pause from her story. He was afraid to ask more questions because Ruby still seemed quite on edge, like she was fighting the urge to leave again. </p>
<p>"I won't bore you with the unpleasant details, but let's just say that I quickly learned that fairy tales are anything but true." Ruby sat up straight and finally looked at John again. "The second time was even worse. I wasn't in love with him. It was all purely for show. Something for the papers to print. Publicity and all."</p>
<p>John nodded. </p>
<p>"He was one of those that thought women were nothing more than property." Ruby briefly closed her eyes and shook her head. "He never took 'no' as an answer. For anything."</p>
<p>John looked at Ruby next to him on the couch. She looked foreign - a meek shadow of the confident, self-assured woman she normally was. "Did he...?"</p>
<p>"I swore after him that I would never let another man have power over me," Ruby continued, glossing over John's question. "After getting away from him I made a vow to myself to never give another man the ability to control my actions. Or my emotions."</p>
<p>"I'm... I'm not trying to control you, Rube." </p>
<p>"Of course you're not," Ruby said as she stood up. She walked across the room and refilled her glass. From there she turned to face John again. "My point isn't that you're trying to control me. My point is that I'm not in control of myself anymore when it comes to you. I feel things I'm not able to control." Ruby took a swig from her glass and set it down on the beverage tray. "That's usually when I cut ties and move on. But for whatever reason... I haven't been able to do that with you yet."</p>
<p>John leaned back into the couch, taking in Ruby's words. In some odd way he completely understood what she meant. Leave before you get burned. Hurt them before they hurt you. Control them so they can't control you. That had been his mode of operation for as long as he could remember.</p>
<p>"We've all got stories," John offered. "Hell, me own parents didn't even want me and dumped me off to live with me auntie." He looked across the room at Ruby. The look on her face was distant. "I had no idea about yours though." </p>
<p>"Well how would you?" Ruby asked. She slowly walked back to the couch. "It's not the type of story that you bring up at parties, is it?" She gave a half-hearted smile as she sat down next to John again. </p>
<p>"So... now what?" John asked. "I'm crazy about you, Ruby... I don't want you running away."</p>
<p>Ruby let out a sigh and leaned back against the small pillow behind her. She looked almost sad, and John wanted nothing more than to fix everything. </p>
<p>"I'll never say another word about us," John continued. He ran a hand down Ruby's arm. "We can just go back to how things were before."</p>
<p>"This entire thing was always doomed to go nowhere," Ruby sighed. "The point was just to have fun. I don't allow myself to get close to people. And I will never be the woman who ends someone's marriage. I simply won't do that." She looked John dead in the eyes. "You will never leave your wife for me. I wouldn't allow it."</p>
<p>"Don't you see, though?" John exclaimed. "I don't let meself get close to people either. You're different though! That's what makes you so great, Rube. From the start I never knew what to expect with you. You absolutely are the kind of bird that can't be controlled. And I'm not out to make you do anything you don't want to."</p>
<p>John ran his fingers across Ruby's cheek and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. The thoughts tumbling around in his head were so foreign to him. And the words coming out of his mouth were equally as unfamiliar. Without even trying, Ruby had done a number on John, pulling emotions and ideas out of him that he had spent most of his life trying to suppress. He stared into her eyes trying to somehow will his feelings into her, and in turn, understand what she might be feeling. </p>
<p>Ruby leaned in and placed the lightest, most gentle kiss on John's lips. She then leaned her forehead against his. "You need to go."</p>
<p>"Ruby -" John pulled his head away from her.</p>
<p>"Please, John. I can't talk about this anymore tonight." Ruby looked at her wristwatch. "The sun will be up in a couple of hours. I just need to go to bed and wake up to a new day." She leaned in again and let her lips brush against John's one more time before standing up and walking out of the lounge.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23 - I'M DOWN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 23 - I'M DOWN</p>
<p>••••<br/>I'm down (I'm really down).<br/>I'm down (Down on the ground).<br/>I'm down (I'm really down).<br/>How can you laugh when you know I'm down?<br/>••••</p>
<p>"What's with him?" </p>
<p>Ringo looked up from his newspaper at Paul. "Who?"</p>
<p>"Him," Paul responded, nodding towards where John was sitting a few seats away. "He's got a cob on again."</p>
<p>Ringo glanced in the direction of John and then looked back at his paper. "Oh, I don't know. He seems all right to me."</p>
<p>The plane suddenly hit a bump of turbulence causing John to curse loudly. </p>
<p>"Mmm hmm," Paul murmured, giving Ringo a 'told you so' expression. </p>
<p>"If it's that much to you, go ask 'im then," Ringo replied and ended the conversation by lifting the paper up to shield his view of Paul. </p>
<p>"You've all gone barmy," Paul shook his head. "This is going to be a long one if you're all gonna be cheesed off abou' something." </p>
<p>Paul stood up and walked down the narrow aisle of the plane, tapping on headrests as he went. He passed a sleeping George who was spread out across three seats, and then Mal who was looking through a stack of papers. Once he reached John's seat, Paul plopped down next to him. </p>
<p>John didn't move to acknowledge Paul. He was staring out the small window and idly swirling his beverage cup.</p>
<p>"Good crowd to see us off, yeah?" Paul asked cheerily.</p>
<p>"Mmm," John replied with a small nod. </p>
<p>"Should be a lot of fun in America again, eh?"</p>
<p>John didn't bother to respond this time. </p>
<p>Paul took an exaggerated breath. "Right. Well..."</p>
<p>John continued to stare out of the window at the clouds below them. After a few minutes of silence Paul finally seemed to take the hint and got up to wander the rest of the plane. John let out a soft sigh and took a swig of his drink. The foul mood he was in wasn't due to any one thing. It was more of a combination of everything. </p>
<p>He hadn't seen, or even spoken to Ruby since the evening she left him sitting alone in her lounge. At first he figured she just needed some time to sort out her feelings. The Beatles' European tour had begun just days after his evening with Ruby, so John had tried to distract himself with that. </p>
<p>What he hadn't anticipated was the fact that the bloody tour would be so utterly frustrating. Most of the concerts in Italy had only sold half of the tickets available. Brian had brushed this off with various explanations: Some of the concerts were in the afternoon when most Beatles fans were in school or at work. The sheer number of concerts and seats available often outnumbered the actual amount of fans in the area. Regardless of any of this, seeing half empty venues was not a pleasant experience. Combine that with some of the brutality the local police showed towards the fans as they attempted to control them, and it made for a less than stellar tour experience.</p>
<p>Once the Beatles had returned to London, John attempted to contact Ruby again. She somehow managed to make herself entirely unreachable for the brief time that John was back in England, and John had spent many fruitless days trying to find her. </p>
<p>Now, as he sat on the plane en route to America, John couldn't shake the feeling that he had lost Ruby for good. Somehow, in his attempt to be upfront about his feelings and keep her close to him, he had managed to do the exact opposite.</p>
<p>John emptied the last of his drink between his lips. Fuck it all, he thought. Ruby bloody Cohen. Sod her. Sod every fucking bird and what they do. That's how it always went, wasn't it? Get close and they leave. It started with Thelma... but of course that was partly of his own doing. And then Julia. </p>
<p>Julia. </p>
<p>That one had been what really did him in. He lost her twice. How does one person manage to lose their own fucking mother twice in one lifetime? John pondered. </p>
<p>Maybe that was what stung so much about Ruby now. She was so much like Julia. It hadn't occurred to John until that last evening with her, but Ruby could be the bloody reincarnation of Julia if it weren't for the fact that they were alive at the same time. Confident, take-no-shit, life of the party Ruby was exactly how John remembered Julia as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The plane landed in New York, and John no longer had time to dwell on his thoughts. The Beatles were quickly whisked away to the Warwick Hotel and thrust into an immediate press conference. </p>
<p>The following days were equally as busy, including rehearsals and another appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show. Then they performed to their largest audience yet at Shea Stadium. This concert put John in a bit of a better mood because, despite the chaos of the entire thing, it was just a good, fun time - a little reminiscent of their time on stage in the Cavern. </p>
<p>By the end of August the Beatles had made their way around parts of North America from Canada, to Texas, to California. When they arrived in Los Angeles the band had the rare treat of having five whole days off. </p>
<p>It was then that John's thoughts began to fall back on not only Ruby, but Cynthia as well. The realization of how so many of the people in his life simply left caused John to take a good, hard look at his wife. She was one person who had never once left him. She probably should have gone a hundred times over by now, John thought as he sat in the lavish living room of the rented Beverly Hills home they were staying in. </p>
<p>"Fancy a swim?" George asked, entering from the kitchen. "Neil went out and bought cozzies for everyone."</p>
<p>"In a bit," John replied. "I 'ave a few letters to write first."</p>
<p>George nodded and left. </p>
<p>The large house was more like a maze than a home, and John walked from room to room checking them all out. He soon found a study, complete with a wall of full bookshelves and a massive mahogany desk. Plopping down in the fancy wooden chair, John opened random drawers and rifled through them until he found a pen and some paper. </p>
<p>Dear Cyn,</p>
<p>He began to pour his feelings onto the paper - how much of a bloody idiot he'd been in taking so much for granted with her and Julian. Alone time. That's what they needed, isn't it? A way to reconnect. Yes, he thought, some time alone as a true family. That would fix everything. </p>
<p>It's not much bother really, is it? When you think about it - cause I'm sure Dot and Lil, Bengie, Tommy, wee Jocky etc. can understand something as simple as us wanting to be alone for a day. I don't mean Julian tho' - I mean don't pack him off to Dot's or anywhere - I really miss him as a person now - do you know what I mean - he's not so much 'The Baby' or 'my baby' any more. He's a real living part of me now, you know he's Julian and everything and I can't wait to see him, I miss him more than I've ever done before - I think its been a slow process my feeling like a real father! I hope all this is clear and understandable.<br/>I spend hours in dressing rooms and things thinking about the times I have wasted not being with him - and playing with him - you knew, I keep thinking of those stupid bastard times when I keep reading bloody newspapers and other shit while he's in the room with me and I've decided its ALL WRONG! He doesn't see enough of me as it is and I really want him to know and love me and miss me like I seem to be missing both of you so much.<br/>I'll go now 'cause I'm bringing myself down thinking what a thoughtless bastard I seem to be - and its only sort of three o'clock in the afternoon and it seems the wrong time of day to feel so emotional - I really feel like crying - its stupid - and I'm choking up now as I'm writing - I don't know whats the matter with me - Its not the tour thats so different from other tours - I mean I'm having lots of laughs (you know the type he! he!) but in between the laughs there is such a drop - I mean there seems no in-between feelings.<br/>Anyway I'm going now so that this letter doesn't get too draggy.<br/>I love you very much.<br/>To Cyn <br/>from <br/>John xxxxxxx</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A/N: The letter written above is a section taken verbatim from an actual letter that John sent to Cynthia on Aug. 23, 1965.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24 - DAY TRIPPER</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 24 - DAY TRIPPER</p>
<p>••••<br/>Tried to please her.<br/>She only played one night stands.<br/>Tried to please her.<br/>She only played one night stands, now.<br/>She was a day tripper,<br/>Sunday driver, yeah.<br/>It took me so long to find out,<br/>And I found out<br/>••••</p>
<p>The Beatles had been home from America for two weeks and were all enjoying an extended vacation from recording and performing. Sleeping past noon was becoming routine for John, and he was relishing it. Although Cynthia's mom never ceased to make snide remarks whenever possible. </p>
<p>What had started as a loving reunion between he and Cynthia was slowly returning to old routines and arguments. John had meant every single word he wrote in his letter a few weeks earlier. But, as is true with many things in life, a heartfelt moment of good intentions often dissolves away when hit with the reality of day-to-day life.</p>
<p>During the two weeks since the Beatles returned to England John had vowed to give up his pursuit of Ruby. She had made no effort to contact him since walking out and leaving John alone in her lounge, and that's just fine, thankyouverymuch. </p>
<p>The kicker though, was that Ruby seemed to be everywhere. John couldn't open a newspaper or have a conversation without her name coming up. She and Brian Epstein had always been close friends, but lately Ruby was being photographed on his arm almost daily - at movie premieres, dinner parties, even out on the town. If John wasn't well aware of Brian's preferences he would think that Ruby was shagging him. </p>
<p>"John?" Cynthia's voice came through the closed bedroom door. "Are you awake?"</p>
<p>John scooted up in the bed and propped himself up against the headboard. He had been awake for some time now, but just couldn't be arsed to actually get out of bed yet. </p>
<p>"John?" Cynthia called again, this time inching the door open a bit. </p>
<p>"I'm up."</p>
<p>"Ringo just rang. Mo had the baby!" A smile was plastered across Cynthia's face as she spoke. </p>
<p>"Oh really?" John asked. "Which kind is it, then? Buoy or gull?"</p>
<p>With a smile Cynthia responded, "A boy!"</p>
<p>"Ah, little Ringo junior, eh?"</p>
<p>"Appears so."</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"You heard from Rich, then?" John asked. </p>
<p>George looked up from his guitar and nodded. "He rang earlier. A baby boy?"</p>
<p>John and George were sitting in lounge chairs in the backyard of George's Esher home, Kinfauns. A brand new in-ground pool had been put in just a few months earlier, and the water looked inviting. But the mid-September temperatures were far too cool for a swim.</p>
<p>As the two men got situated, Pattie sat down to join them, placing a plate of biscuits on the table. "Tea should be ready soon," she said. </p>
<p>"Should we pop 'round to Ringo's and see them?" George asked. </p>
<p>"Nah, Mo'll be in hospital for a few days, won't she?" John replied. </p>
<p>"Oh right," George nodded. "Perhaps when they're all back home, then."</p>
<p>The trio sat around the pool smoking cigarettes, all the while soundtracked by the chords and melodies from John and George's guitars. Recording for their next studio album would be starting next month and the four men were working on what songs to put on it. </p>
<p>John had recently pulled out the song about Ruby that he had started writing on his ski holiday. At first it was going to be about his feelings for her, then it turned into his chance to come clean to Cynthia about the whole thing. But ultimately, with the way things were now, John felt no need to confess to his affair. He was working on the ending lyrics where he could deny anything even happened in the first place. </p>
<p>"What's with Brian lately?" John asked. </p>
<p>"How do you mean?" George asked. </p>
<p>"He just seems to be out with Ruby almost every night now," John responded. </p>
<p>George shrugged. "Maybe he fancies her."</p>
<p>"I think Ruby lacks a specific physical attribute that Brian requires for a mate," John snorted, causing George to smirk. "Besides, she doesn't seem one to settle down," he added, thinking of their last conversation. </p>
<p>"Well either way, I haven't been over there in awhile so I wouldn't know," George replied. "I think Paul has, though."</p>
<p>As if on cue, the sliding door opened. Paul walked out with an acoustic guitar slung over his shoulder. "I have what?"</p>
<p>"Been to Ruby's," George answered. </p>
<p>"Geo seems to think she and Bri are an item," John added, hoping to blame the topic on him. </p>
<p>George gave him a furrowed expression. "Right, I'm the one that thinks that," he mumbled. </p>
<p>Paul didn't seem to notice the exchange between George and John, and continued the conversation as he sat down. "Aye, I was there... a few days ago I suppose it was. Looks like she's going to be recording a couple of our songs."</p>
<p>That bit of information piqued John's interest. "Is she?" he asked. "Which ones?"</p>
<p>As George's housekeeper, Margaret was bringing out a tea tray, George pulled out a small tin from his pocket and began to roll a joint on the patio table. </p>
<p>"Ta, luv," Paul said with a wink towards Margaret. </p>
<p>"Which ones?" John asked again. </p>
<p>"Oh, um..." he pursed his lips trying to recall the information. "Let's see, it was... I think 'Help!' was one of them. Can't think of the other, off hand."</p>
<p>John mulled over this new information as he strummed on his guitar. George and Paul continued to chat, seemingly oblivious to John's sudden contemplative mood. </p>
<p>'Help!' was a song that was utterly autobiographical on John's part. He wrote it as a literal cry for help because his state of mind was anything other than healthy. Is she doing that one as a sign? he wondered. All that shit she unloaded on me the last time we spoke, his inner voice continued, is she trying to tell me something by choosing to sing 'Help!'?</p>
<p>"No?" Paul's questioning voice came out of nowhere. </p>
<p>John was pulled out of his thoughts and suddenly aware that Paul had been leaning over and holding the joint in John's direction. </p>
<p>"You don't want it?" Paul asked. </p>
<p>John reached out and took the joint from Paul. He took a long drag on it and held the smoke in his lungs for as long as he could. He began to pay attention to the conversation he had been tuning out. </p>
<p>"Could be us next," George smiled, rubbing his hand on Pattie's knee. </p>
<p>"I don't know about a baby just yet, Georgie," Pattie replied. "That would put a damper on my modeling right now."</p>
<p>"Jane's just like that," Paul interjected with a slight head shake. "A bit too career minded. I wish she would think more of a woman's duties at home."</p>
<p>"What's wrong with that?" Pattie asked accusingly. "Jane's got a wonderful acting career. I wouldn't want to give that up to sit at home anymore than I would want to give up modeling."</p>
<p>"How's the new house coming along?" George asked, trying to change the subject and avoid an argument.</p>
<p>"Oh, it's coming," Paul replied. "Got a renovation list as long as my arm, though. I don't think I'll be in there for quite some time."</p>
<p>"You could just move it while it's being done. Ya know, like I did."</p>
<p>Paul furrowed his brow at John. "Yes, and then you could listen to me complain about it every day. Just like I had to listen to you." He plucked a few strings on his guitar as he spoke. "I'm thinking of letting Jane have a go at the interior decorating though. Maybe that will get her head into the idea of working less."</p>
<p>"If working makes her happy why would you want her to stop?" Pattie asked, not bothering to hide her annoyance. </p>
<p>"Well lots of things make her happy," Paul replied. "I just happen to think that staying at home could be one of them."</p>
<p>Pattie let out a sigh and stood up. She turned to George. "I'm gonna get ready. I'm going out for dinner with Jenny tonight," she said as she leaned in for a kiss. </p>
<p>"All right, luv," George replied and kissed her. "Have fun."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The afternoon faded into evening. All three Beatles were fully stoned and quite useless at working on songs by the time the sun set and the wind turned chilly. </p>
<p>"Well, I'm off," Paul announced. "Alf should be waiting for me out front."</p>
<p>"I'm coming, too," John said. "I need a ride into the city."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour later Paul was deposited at the Asher home, and John sat alone in the backseat of the car. </p>
<p>"Where to, boss?" Alf asked, turning around from the driver seat to face John. </p>
<p>John stared out the window, his mind full of conflicting thoughts. If she wants to ignore my phone calls, then fine. But she can't ignore this, he thought.</p>
<p>"Where to?" Alf asked again. </p>
<p>"Ruby's."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25 - GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 25 - GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE</p>
<p>••••<br/>I was alone, I took a ride.<br/>I didn't know what I would <br/>find there.<br/>Another road where maybe I could see another kind of <br/>mind there.<br/>Ooh, then I suddenly see you.<br/>Ooh, did I tell you I need you?<br/>••••</p>
<p>John sat in the car staring at the door to Ruby's first floor flat. Alf had pulled up to the building ten minutes ago, but John had made no attempt to get out of the car. </p>
<p>"You all right, boss?" Alf asked. "You did say Ruby's, right? I could've sworn that's what I heard you say. I asked 'where to' and you replied -"</p>
<p>"Yes, Alf," John replied just to shut him up. "Thank you."</p>
<p>"Right-o, boss."</p>
<p>John opened the car door and stepped out. Before closing it he leaned back inside. "Wait here. I might be five minutes or I might be five hours."</p>
<p>"Sure thing, boss," Alf replied.</p>
<p>John walked to the front door and stood there for a moment before finally knocking. Soon after, the door swung open revealing Sandra on the other side. </p>
<p>"Oh!" Sandra said with a look of great surprise. "Well, hello there!"</p>
<p>John gave a small nod. "Hello, yourself. Is Ruby home, by chance?"</p>
<p>"Yes. Yes of course," Sandra replied and stepped aside to allow John to enter. "She and Lionel are in the kitchen."</p>
<p>John froze for the briefest second, although it was so small that Sandra didn't even seem to notice. "Lionel?" he asked, as nonchalantly as possible. </p>
<p>"Yes. Mr. Bart."</p>
<p>What is it with Ruby and these queers? John thought. She's out with Eppy every damn night, and she has fucking Lionel Bart over so often he might as well live here. As quickly as the thought went through his head he suddenly knew the answer. It all made perfect sense. </p>
<p>"They're in the kitchen," Sandra repeated, breaking John's train of thought, "if you'd like to join them..."</p>
<p>Before John could even take a step, the kitchen door swung open and a laughing Ruby walked out followed by Lionel. She froze as soon as she laid eyes on John, but quickly recovered. </p>
<p>"Well this is certainly a surprise!" Ruby exclaimed, placing a hand on her chest. </p>
<p>"John," Lionel acknowledged with a nod and stuck his hand out to shake John's. "I wasn't aware you boys were back home."</p>
<p>"Mmm," John nodded as he shook Lionel's hand. "Home from America for a few weeks now."</p>
<p>"Brilliant," Lionel responded. "Well, I would love to catch up but I was actually just on my way out. I've got a meeting scheduled with Harvey, and managed to make myself late due to the lovely company of Miss Cohen, here."</p>
<p>"Next time, then," John replied with a smile that did not reach his eyes. </p>
<p>"Next time." Lionel placed a kiss on Ruby's cheek and then one on Sandra's. He headed for the door and was gone.</p>
<p>Ruby took a deep breath and John watched a silent exchange of looks between her and Sandra. </p>
<p>"I'll go clean up in the kitchen," Sandra finally said and turned to walk away.</p>
<p>Once Sandra was gone Ruby stared at John for a brief moment and then walked across the room into the lounge. John didn't move immediately. He was debating whether or not to just make a break for the front door when Ruby's voice cut through his thoughts. </p>
<p>"Can I get you a drink?"</p>
<p>John looked over and saw Ruby standing at the entrance to the lounge, leaning against the curved archway. She was wearing a black, knee-length pencil skirt and a silky white blouse with small black polka dots. She looked beautiful, although a bit nervous. </p>
<p>"I have to admit that this is a bit of a surprise," Ruby said as John walked over and joined her in the lounge.</p>
<p>"Right. Well I suppose you did make it pretty damn clear that you're done with me," John huffed. </p>
<p>"What?" Ruby sounded surprised. </p>
<p>"I can take a hint, Ruby," John continued. "I suppose I just wanted to hear it directly from you." </p>
<p>John sat down on the couch and crossed his legs, resting an ankle on his knee. He felt a bit foolish being there, but was resigned to get some kind of explanation from Ruby; some kind of closure. </p>
<p>"I'm done with you?" Ruby asked, standing across the room from John.</p>
<p>"Oh, come off it!" John blurted. "The last time I saw you I was sitting right here. You fucking left me sitting here and then I never heard from you again!"</p>
<p>Ruby shook her head slightly. She had a look of confusion on her face. "John -"</p>
<p>"That was two bloody months ago," John continued, cutting Ruby off. "I've been back and forth on two fucking tours since then! And the whole time you were entirely unreachable. It's like you disappeared. I rang and rang -"</p>
<p>"John -"</p>
<p>"- and you wouldn't do much as speak to me. And now I have to see you in the bloody papers every damn day! Brian and Lionel..."</p>
<p>"John!"</p>
<p>"I get that they're safe, being fucking queers and all, but -"</p>
<p>"John!!" </p>
<p>John froze, startled by Ruby's tone. He looked her square in the eyes. "What?" he seethed. </p>
<p>Ruby took a breath before speaking. The look on her face was one of confusion and determination. "I honestly don't know what you're going on about, John. I'm quite sure it was you that disappeared."</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?"</p>
<p>"John," Ruby sighed. "First of all, I never received any calls from you -"</p>
<p>"Of course you didn't! Because you weren't bloody answering the telephone!"</p>
<p>"I don't know when it was that you supposedly rang, but if no one answered it's because no one was here!" Ruby made an exasperated gesture with her arms. "And besides that, you weren't returning my calls either!"</p>
<p>"What calls?" John asked. </p>
<p>"John, I rang you three, maybe four times since I last saw you. Every single time a different woman answered." Ruby's tone had calmed, and her body language was becoming more relaxed. "I assumed one was likely your wife. Another, perhaps a housekeeper. But each time I rang, you were 'indisposed'. And then I never received a call back." Ruby let out a sigh. "And once Brian started to explain things..."</p>
<p>"Brian? What exactly did Brian explain?"</p>
<p>Ruby walked across the room and sat on the couch. She stayed on the far end, an entire seat away from John. "Well," she began, "Brian told me how you were trying to reconcile things with your wife. And he kept saying how it was in everyone's best interest that we weren't in contact anymore..."</p>
<p>John couldn't believe what he was hearing. "He what?"</p>
<p>"I very much got the impression that you were focusing on your marriage and were quite done with me," Ruby continued. "And I can't say that I even blamed you, especially after everything I told you."</p>
<p>"I'll fucking murder him..." John muttered. </p>
<p>"You'll do no such thing."</p>
<p>"Bloody bastard... So he fucking knew all about us," John continued, "and took it upon himself to decide it wasn't in anyone's best interest?</p>
<p>Ruby looked utterly confused. "So... you're not working on things with your wife?"</p>
<p>"There's nothing to bloody work on because everything is exactly the same as it's always been. The only difference is I've spent the last two months trying to push you out of me head, only to be bombarded by your damn picture in every bloody paper!"</p>
<p>"I don't know what to say..."</p>
<p>"And then I hear from Paul that he's been 'round your flat, and that you're going to be recording some of our songs..." John let out a sigh and leaned back into the couch. </p>
<p>Neither John nor Ruby spoke for a few moments. Ruby seemed to be deep in thought as she crinkled her brows and looked pensively around the room. </p>
<p>"John?" Ruby finally asked. "When exactly did you phone me all these times?"</p>
<p>John ran his fingers through his hair and then removed a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. "I don't know," he sighed. "Before we left for America... whenever that was."</p>
<p>"Sandra and I were out of the country for a full week last month. Could it have been then?"</p>
<p>"That sounds about right." </p>
<p>"And you haven't rung me since then?" </p>
<p>John took a drag from his cigarette and shook his head. "We've been back home for two weeks. I figured you made it loud and clear that you're done paying me any mind."</p>
<p>"Well that's not true at all, is it?" Ruby scooted a bit closer to John's side of the couch. "After the last time I saw you I did quite a bit of thinking. I'm sorry I left you alone that evening, but I needed to do that for myself. I rang your house a few days later and learned your band was gone on tour around Europe." Ruby inched even closer so that she was seated directly beside John. "Then I phoned a couple of times before Sandra and I left for France, but whoever answered said that you weren't taking phone calls."</p>
<p>"And you took that as me moving on from you," John stated matter-of-factly. </p>
<p>Ruby nodded.</p>
<p>"So what exactly were you ringing me for?" John asked. "What was it you were going to tell me?"</p>
<p>Ruby took a deep breath. "Well..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26 - GIRL</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 26 - GIRL</p>
<p>••••<br/>Is there anybody going to listen to my story<br/>All about the girl who came <br/>to stay?<br/>She's the kind of girl you <br/>want so much<br/>It makes you sorry.<br/>Still, you don't regret a <br/>single day.<br/>••••</p>
<p>"Well...?" John urged. </p>
<p>"I suppose it seems silly now," Ruby continued. "I don't know if it's even relevant anymore, seeing as how it's been so long."</p>
<p>John sat waiting for Ruby to continue. He had come here with the expectation of an argument or confrontation. Honestly, he hadn't been sure that Ruby would even answer the door or let him inside. Hearing that she had been trying to contact him was a surprise, but at the same time John wasn't ready to believe that this entire thing was simply a comedy of errors.</p>
<p>"Relevant or not, what were you ringing me for?" John asked. </p>
<p>"Well... first I wanted to apologize for unloading all of my emotional baggage on you that night," Ruby began with a embarrassed smile. "I don't think I meant to give you a history of my relationships. It just... came out."</p>
<p>John pulled out another cigarette and lit it. "We've all got baggage."</p>
<p>"Yes," Ruby nodded. "I was also phoning to apologize for leaving you here all alone in the lounge that evening. It wasn't anything personal against you. I hope you understand that."</p>
<p>John took a long drag on his cigarette. "Seemed pretty personal at the time."</p>
<p>"John," Ruby let out a small sigh, "you are something I wasn't prepared for. I told you that evening that I don't let myself get close to men. Self preservation... protection... call it what you will, but I simply decided quite awhile ago to emotionally keep men at arms distance."</p>
<p>John remembered Ruby's words from his last time with her. So much of what she had said was incredibly familiar to him. It might not be for the exact same reasons, but John understood Ruby's motives. </p>
<p>"We're the same, ya know." John replied. </p>
<p>Ruby chuckled. "I doubt that very much, John."</p>
<p>"No, Rube. We are. More than you know."</p>
<p>Ruby looked into John's eyes. "Why did you come here tonight?"</p>
<p>"I suppose I wanted to hear from you exactly why you wanted to toss it all in the rubbish," John replied. "And to possibly tell you to sod off, even though you already had done." John let a small grin break through and smashed his cigarette out in a glass ashtray. </p>
<p>Ruby raised her eyebrows. "I'm to 'sod off', then?"</p>
<p>"No." John's voice was uncharacteristically quiet. "Even if you wanna fuckin' end it all, I still can't actually tell you to sod off."</p>
<p>Ruby shook her head slightly with an expression of amusement. "I suppose that's my problem, too. I just can't seem to tell you to sod off either." She stood up and walked across to the beverage tray. After pouring herself a glass of red wine Ruby turned back to look at John. "We're mad aren't we?"</p>
<p>"Utterly."</p>
<p>"This entire thing can never be more than what it is now," Ruby sighed as she walked back to join John on the couch. </p>
<p>"Ruby?" Sandra's voice called from the living room. "Rube, you okay if I head to bed?"</p>
<p>Ruby held up her index finger to John indicating for him to wait while she went to talk to Sandra. She returned after only a couple of minutes. </p>
<p>"Maybe that's all it needs to be." John said as Ruby walked back into the lounge. </p>
<p>"Hmm?"</p>
<p>"You said this can't ever be more than it is," John replied and stood up. "Well maybe it doesn't need to be. If we tried to be more I'd just go an' fuck it up." </p>
<p>He walked over to Ruby and stood in front of her. Her hazel eyes were looking up into John's with a vulnerability he had never seen from Ruby before. On an impulse John placed a gentle kiss on her lips. When he pulled away Ruby's eyes were closed, and he watched as she took a small breath before opening them. </p>
<p>"We'd both go and fuck it up, John," Ruby finally replied.</p>
<p>John didn't respond. This was one of the rare times in his life where he simply didn't have a response; no witty comeback or funny quip. But that was the thing about Ruby - she never seemed to need a response from him. John often got the feeling that Ruby somehow knew what he was thinking, possibly even before he did.</p>
<p>"It's getting late," Ruby added quietly. </p>
<p>"And you're sending me home, I suppose."</p>
<p>Still standing only inches away from John, Ruby looked up again into his eyes. As much as he was dying to know what was going on inside that mind of hers, John didn't dare ask. </p>
<p>Ruby gently took John's hand and turned to walk out of the lounge. She led him silently through the living room, down the hallway, and into her bedroom. Once they were both inside Ruby closed the door. Neither one of them spoke a word. John stood completely still as he watched Ruby unbutton and remove her blouse and then shimmy out of her skirt. </p>
<p>"I do think you should go home," Ruby said as she took a step towards John. "Just not yet, though," and she kissed him with a gentle fierceness that John had never experienced before. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A haze of cigarette smoke hung in the air as John contemplated what had just happened. The encounter that he and Ruby had just shared was unlike anything they had done before. Of course they'd had sex before, but this had been something more than just sex. </p>
<p>There was a give and take between them that hadn't been there before. There had been no angling for the upper hand, no aloofness, no subtle disconnect between what their minds were thinking and what their bodies were doing. It was sex that somehow seemed to go beyond the physical and into the emotional, all without a word spoken between them. </p>
<p>As John breathed out another plume of smoke he looked down at the top of Ruby's head resting on his bare chest. They were still in her bed and still naked, although a blanket was pulled up to their waists. In the nearly two years John and Ruby had been sleeping together, not once had they ever lain like this, yet it somehow felt as if it was something they had been doing all their lives. </p>
<p>Ruby's voice finally cut through the silence as she lifted her head off of John and sat up. "Brian was right," she said with a smirk. </p>
<p>"Right about what?" John was suddenly reminded of what Ruby said earlier about Brian explaining things to her. </p>
<p>"Trouble with a capital T," Ruby responded. "I never could have imagined just how right he was when he described you that first night I met you." She stood up and draped a dressing gown over her shoulders.</p>
<p>"You were the trouble that night!" John exclaimed. "Luring me outside only to leave me standing alone in a corner. And that note you slid into my pocket later..." John moved over to sit on the edge of the bed in front of Ruby. "You were the capital T trouble, Miss Sara Sequin. Not me."</p>
<p>John parted Ruby's dressing gown and began a trail of kisses starting at her belly button and ending at one of her breasts. Her skin was soft and smelled like a mix of sweet perfume and salty sweat. </p>
<p>"Funny how this all started as a game of cat and mouse," Ruby said. "Seems like we're both good at playing it."</p>
<p>"You caught me, though," John said, depositing more kisses on Ruby's breasts. </p>
<p>"Some animals aren't meant to be caught. They thrive in the wild and wither away in captivity." Ruby let out a small sigh. "I suppose this is the point where you should probably go home."</p>
<p>John pulled his face away from Ruby's skin and looked up at her. "Is that really what you want?"</p>
<p>"No, John. But it's what it has to be, isn't it." She ran a hand lightly through John's hair and then stepped away, closing her dressing gown around her. "Can't ever be more than what it is."</p>
<p>"Will I see you again?" John asked, wondering if this whole thing was her way of saying goodbye. </p>
<p>Ruby smiled. "That's a question you don't need to ask."</p>
<p>"Ruby..." John stood up. </p>
<p>"John. It's okay. Go." Ruby looked longingly into John's eyes. "I'm not disappearing. I'm not running."</p>
<p>Even after hearing her speak those words, John wasn't fully convinced. Ruby was full of contradictions and surprises. Although the real surprise came from what John was finally admitting to himself - I think I might love this girl.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27 - ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 27 - ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE</p>
<p>••••<br/>There's nothing you can know that isn't known.<br/>Nothing you can see that isn't shown.<br/>There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.<br/>It's easy. <br/>••••</p>
<p>"Have you thought about it though?"</p>
<p>Ruby lifted her head off of John's chest and propped herself up on an elbow. She stared at him silently for a moment. </p>
<p>"You don't have to answer," John said as he looked away. </p>
<p>"No. I don't have to, but I will." Ruby sat fully up on the bed. "Of course I've thought about it, John. I'd be lying if I said otherwise."</p>
<p>John turned back to look at Ruby and was greeted by her perky bare breasts at his eye level. He leaned forward and rubbed his face in between them causing Ruby to laugh and playful push him away. </p>
<p>Almost three months had passed since their reconnection. A lot had happened in that time; John's 25th birthday, copious television and radio appearances, and most recently the recording of the Beatles' latest album, Rubber Soul which was set to be released in just a few days. </p>
<p>"And..." John urged. "You've thought about it and...?"</p>
<p>Ruby gave a soft sigh and reached out to push John's hair off his forehead and out of his eyes. "And," she continued, "that's all it is. Thoughts. Silly daydreams of a fictitious storyline that will never play out in real life." </p>
<p>A lot had also happened between John and Ruby in those three busy months. They easily fell back into their routine of meeting at various London hotels, and their love making had grown a life of its own. Today was no exception. </p>
<p>John's realization of his feelings towards Ruby had brought alive a side of him that he hadn't seen in years - a side of himself that he didn't even know existed until he met Cynthia. The love affair that he had fallen into with her all those years ago had been new and exciting. Of course all that had long since simmered and lost its excitement, so it was quite easy to slide Ruby into that growing void. </p>
<p>"It doesn't necessarily have to be a daydream," John responded, shaking his head to force his hair back into its normal state. "It wouldn't be anything fancy. Just a small one room flat. This whole disguise and fake name thing is getting old, isn't it?"</p>
<p>Ruby pursed her lips and let out another small sigh. She stood up from the hotel bed and walked over to the  dresser. She reached in her purse, removed a small hairbrush, and began running it through her shoulder length waves. Naked. Naked, and confident, and beautiful. </p>
<p>Ruby's complete comfortability with her own body had forced John to recognize his own growing self consciousness. The slow and steady depression that constantly lived in the back of his mind had grown larger and stronger over the past year. In turn, his waistline had grown as well. Although he would never admit it in conversation, John felt fat and ugly. Throngs of screaming girls all over the world obviously felt differently, and Cyn still loved him dutifully, but other people's opinions rarely make much of a difference when you're busy self-loathing.</p>
<p>"Think about it, Rube. No more ridiculous disguises or booking rooms all over." John retrieved his crumpled trousers from the floor and stepped into them as he spoke. "It would just be a small, quiet place we could use whenever we wanted."</p>
<p>Ruby placed the brush back inside her purse and tilted her head as she looked as John. "A small, quiet place for the press to find out about. A small, quiet place for photos to be taken and newspaper articles to be written."</p>
<p>The last time John and Ruby were together he had tried to nonchalantly bring up the idea of renting a small flat somewhere for the two of them to use. His suggestion had gone mostly ignored, but John knew that no reaction was better than a negative one.  And today she was at least willing to talk about the idea. </p>
<p>"Besides, John, I'm not here to play house with you." </p>
<p>Ruby walked over to the bed again and sat down, ultimately leaning back on her elbows. Her bent knees were draped off the side of the bed and she smiled while throwing a wanton gaze at John. </p>
<p>"You wouldn't be playing anything," John replied, feeling his body respond to her naked figure on display in front of him. </p>
<p>Ruby parted her knees just enough for John to step between them. Suddenly he didn't care quite so much about the flat anymore. He bent over and kissed her stomach, then her breasts, and finally her neck. </p>
<p>"They've decided not to renew my contract," Ruby stated. </p>
<p>"Mmmm," John sighed, although he hadn't even really heard what she said. He continued to kiss her neck and shoulders. </p>
<p>"Instead of putting out any more singles they want to give me a full length album, and then release me."</p>
<p>"Hmm that's good."</p>
<p>"John...?"</p>
<p>"Ruby," John breathed in her ear as he kicked off the trousers he hadn't bothered buttoning up earlier.</p>
<p>"You didn't even hear what I said -"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"You weren't even listening to me."</p>
<p>John lifted his head from her collarbone and looked at Ruby. "Yes I was," he responded. "Say it again anyway."</p>
<p>Ruby chuckled which caused John to return to peppering her neck with kisses. "I said," she lifted John's chin with a finger, "that they're choosing not to renew my contract."</p>
<p>"What...? Why?" John rolled off Ruby and sat beside her. </p>
<p>"You know what music is like nowadays. I can't compete with the pop music that's out now," Ruby sighed. </p>
<p>"Well they can't just drop you, can they?"</p>
<p>"They can do exactly that. Out with the old and in with the new."</p>
<p>"You're not old, Rube."</p>
<p>Ruby laughed. "Well I'm hardly new, am I? Besides, like I said I'm still owed a number of singles as per my contract. They've decided to lump them all into one full length album and then... that's it, I suppose."</p>
<p>"You're not old, Ruby," John repeated softly. "It doesn't all seem very fair to you, does it?"</p>
<p>"The music industry is anything but fair. It looks out for itself. I'm sure you know that." Ruby gave John a halfhearted smile and leaned over to him, nose-to-nose. "I shouldn't have even brought it up. Now where were we?" she asked and then kissed John deeply. </p>
<p>Even though his mind was still caught up in the story of Ruby's record contract, it didn't take long before John's attention was drawn to more pleasant things. Ruby climbed on top of him and they melded together in an encore of the love making they had finished just an hour earlier. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"Your hair's all messed up again," John said as he pushed a strand behind Ruby's ear. </p>
<p>"Of course it is," Ruby laughed.</p>
<p>John leaned against the headboard and pushed his own hair off his sweaty forehead. For a brief moment his thoughts turned to Cyn and Julian back at home. Guilt was not something that he felt in regards to his extramarital shenanigans - it was more a feeling of frustration that he was even expected to be faithful in the first place.</p>
<p>John felt the mattress shift beneath him and turned to see Ruby getting up. He watched as she took a step and then suddenly leaned one hand on the wall. Her other hand went to her head and she rubbed her eyes. </p>
<p>"You all right there? That good this go 'round, was it?" John chuckled. </p>
<p>"I'm fine," Ruby replied, shaking her head the slightest bit and blinking a few times. </p>
<p>John furrowed his brow and sat up off the headboard. "You don't look fine. What's going on?"</p>
<p>"No, really I'm fine." Ruby seemed to have gathered herself and turned to John with a laugh. "Perhaps my record contract ending is for the best, actually. I have been feeling a bit rundown lately."</p>
<p>"Rundown?"</p>
<p>"It's nothing," Ruby brushed off John's concern. "I just need to eat something. Got a bit lightheaded. I just stood up too fast."</p>
<p>"If you're rundown and getting dizzy you should go see a doctor." </p>
<p>Ruby laughed. "John, seriously I'm perfectly fine." She picked up her dress from the desk chair and examined it for wrinkles before sliding it over her head. "When do you leave for your next tour?" she asked, obviously not wanting to discuss the subject further. </p>
<p>"Friday," John replied. He retrieved his pants again from the floor and began to get dressed. "Short one this time, thankfully. Ten days I think it is? We're back before Christmas."</p>
<p>"This year has really flown by, hasn't it? I can't believe Christmas is less than a month away!" Ruby exclaimed as she walked over to John, turned her back to him, and lifted her hair. </p>
<p>"How about a nice little private flat somewhere nearby for Christmas?" John zipped up the back of Ruby's dress and kissed the side of her neck. </p>
<p>"You're far too used to getting everything you want," Ruby teased as she slid away from John's reach. </p>
<p>"That's a dirty lie," John replied with a twinkle in his eye. "I only get most of the things I want."</p>
<p>Ruby shook her head with a smile and walked back over to John. "I'll head out first this time. Let me know when you're back from the tour." She kissed him and then walked to the door. Turning back one last time she added, "You're something else, Mr. Lennon. You really are."</p>
<p>The door opened and closed, and then John was alone in the hotel room. "You're something else, yourself," he replied.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28 - I'M LOOKING THROUGH YOU</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 28 - I'M LOOKING THROUGH YOU</p>
<p>••••<br/>I'm looking through you, where did you go?<br/>I thought I knew you, what did <br/>I know?<br/>You don't look different, but <br/>you have changed.<br/>I'm looking through you, you're not the same.<br/>••••</p>
<p>1966 began like most of the previous years. John and Cynthia had rung in the new year at a party thrown by music producer Norman Newell. Ruby had been there as well, but the atmosphere of the party was not even remotely conducive to sneaking off somewhere. </p>
<p>After that had come a brief holiday in Trinidad with Cyn, Ringo, and Maureen. The time away had been nice, and John enjoyed the beachy atmosphere and warm weather. He had even been able to reconnect a bit with Cynthia, which was nice. But no matter what he did, there was always an unrelenting feeling in the back of his mind. He wanted more. He wanted something else. But he couldn't even begin to express what that "something else" was. </p>
<p>Life inside the eye of the Beatlemania hurricane was beginning to become unbearable. The entire world wanted something from them and it didn't matter at what cost. The prospect of more touring was sitting uncomfortably in John's mind, which only added to the feelings of underlying depression he had been busy trying to ignore. </p>
<p>Ruby was a high point in his psyche over the past months, but even she had been a bit distant recently because of her new commitment. But there was more. It was nothing that John could immediately put his finger on, but he definitely had the feeling that something was going on that she wasn't telling him. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"Come off it, it's not even that bad."</p>
<p>John laughed. "Brian seems to think otherwise. That baby face of yours will be marred forever if you don't get it fixed. Your flocks of fans will run the other way."</p>
<p>Paul brought a hand up to his mouth and ran a finger over his chipped front tooth. "It's not that bad," he repeated. </p>
<p>Paul and John were sitting in John's sunroom at Kenwood. The TV was on but the volume had been turned all the way down. Even though the premise of Paul's visit was to work on songs for their next album, John's mind just wasn't in it. He kept being drawn back into his head and replaying the last time he saw Ruby a little under a week ago. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's nothing to do with you, John," Ruby said.</p>
<p>They were sitting in Ruby's living room and waiting for Sandra to return from a quick errand. Tea and biscuits were laid out on the coffee table along with a half empty bottle of red wine, although the missing wine from the bottle was due solely to John. Ruby hadn't touched a drop. In fact, she had barely touched anything. </p>
<p>"You just don't seem yourself, Rube," John replied. </p>
<p>"Of course I'm myself. Who else would I be?" Ruby seemed dead set on dismissing John's concerns. </p>
<p>"If it's nothing to do with me then why even bother telling me?"</p>
<p>Ruby sighed. "Well it's something you would hear about anyway, isn't it? Best to hear it from me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'll get it fixed up at some point," Paul replied. "I'm more cheesed off about this ruddy scar," he continued as he ran a thumb across his top lip.</p>
<p>"Well either way you've got to do something before Brian's knickers climb even farther up his ass about it."</p>
<p>Paul plucked a few chords on his guitar as John's housekeeper Dorothy came in to clear the tea cups, plates, and other various items the two Beatles had accumulated. </p>
<p>"Dot, tell 'em how ridiculous that half-tooth looks hanging out of his mouth," John ordered. </p>
<p>Dot looked at Paul. He rolled his eyes and gave her a halfhearted smile, revealing the chipped tooth. </p>
<p>"I dunno," Dot replied. "Doesn't bother me any."</p>
<p>Paul smiled and then pointed a finger at John. "See there!?"</p>
<p>With an annoyed groan John stood up from the couch. "Why do I even employ you if you're always gonna take someone else's side?" </p>
<p>"You pay me to cook and clean," Dot replied with an amused smile. "Not agree with everything you say."</p>
<p>"I'm going up to the attic." John grabbed his guitar and Paul followed him out of the sunroom.</p>
<p>"Tell me again what this blasted gorilla suit is supposed to be doing?" Paul asked. "I forget it's there and it makes me jump every time I walk in."</p>
<p>In the front entryway of Kenwood a full-sized gorilla suit stood on display very near a complete set of a knight's armor. John looked at them both with a feeling of admiration before responding. </p>
<p>"I thought I might need a gorilla suit," he said simply. "I've only worn it twice. I thought I might pop it on in the summer and drive round in the Ferrari." John ran a hand over the furry suit. "I've been thinking about it and if I didn't wear the head it would make an amazing fur coat with legs. I'd like a fur coat but I've never run into any."</p>
<p>Paul shook his head and then followed John up to the attic where most of his music equipment lived. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So this is all done, then?" John asked defensively. </p>
<p>"No, not at all," Ruby responded. "I told you a long time ago that I can't seem to be rid of you, even if I wanted to."</p>
<p>"So then why even have another man and use that as an excuse to see me less?"</p>
<p>Ruby let out a small laugh. "Asks the man who has a wife and child."</p>
<p>"You know I'd be rid of them if you -"</p>
<p>"John." Ruby said sternly. </p>
<p>John sighed. "Well you do know that."</p>
<p>"I'm 33, John. Most of the country sees me as old news anyway. Being unmarried only adds to that. Having a public suitor is nice," Ruby shrugged. "And he's quite a nice fellow. Respectable, kind, all those things that make a person pleasant."</p>
<p>"And none of what I am," John stated. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After Paul left to go back home John stayed in the attic music room for awhile. Kenwood was still in the process of renovations, but it was mainly design aspects at this point, thankfully. But the attic was his, and he used it as a retreat when he wanted to get away from the hubbub downstairs. </p>
<p>"I was wondering where you've been hiding." Cynthia's voice startled John. </p>
<p>"Bloody hell, Cyn! What did I tell you about leaving me be when I'm up here?!"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, John. It's just that I'm getting ready to put Julian to bed and thought you might like to say goodnight."</p>
<p>"You practically gave me a fucking heart attack, sneaking up here like that!" John bellowed. "And just to have me come down and say bloody goodnight?"</p>
<p>"It's all right, John. Don't come down," Cynthia said agreeably, obviously trying to avoid another outburst from John. </p>
<p>"Damn fucking right it's all right!" John continued to shout. "You can't expect me to drop everything just to come down for a fucking bedtime. He doesn't even bloody care if I'm there or not!"</p>
<p>Cynthia nodded and quickly retreated from the attic. John let out a loud sigh and let his head fall into the back of the tall chair he was sitting in. He immediately regretted losing his temper like that. </p>
<p>Fucking idiot, he thought to himself. </p>
<p>Of course his anger wasn't directed at Cyn, even though that outburst would lead one to believe otherwise. He wasn't even sure where the anger was coming from. He wasn't angry at Ruby for having a boyfriend. According to her it was more of a publicity relationship than anything. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Perhaps me having a new relationship will help me find some favor in the press. Up my image a bit and garner some interest in me again," Ruby explained to John. "Nothing to do with you. And nothing to do with us."</p>
<p>Ruby stood up from her chair and joined John on the couch. She kissed him fiercely and John felt his frustration begin to fade. Her lips were soft and warm and John allowed his hands to roam over her thighs as he returned her passionate kiss. </p>
<p>"Sandra should be back any moment," Ruby said as she broke away from the kiss. </p>
<p>"When can I see you again?" John asked. "Properly see you again," he added with a wink. </p>
<p>"Next week?" Ruby replied. "I'm a bit tied up the rest of this week. And this weekend is booked as well, unfortunately. Have you got any free time next week?"</p>
<p>"Probably," John responded. "I just go where I'm told anymore. Tell me a time and place and I'll be there."</p>
<p>Just then the front door to the flat opened, ending John and Ruby's private conversation. Sandra walked in carrying a small paper bag. "Bloody freezing out there, it is," she announced. "You'd think I'd be used to winter temperatures by March, but I'm just so blasted ready for spring to get here!"<br/>   <br/>   <br/>John stood up and wandered aimlessly around his attic music room. Regardless of what Ruby said, he couldn't help but feel a little like he was being played for a fool. New boyfriend or not, John just couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else going on with Ruby that she was keeping from him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29 - SHE SAID SHE SAID</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 29 - SHE SAID SHE SAID</p>
<p>••••<br/>She said, you don't understand <br/>what I said.<br/>I said, no, no, no, you're wrong.<br/>When I was a boy <br/>everything was right. </p>
<p>I said, even though you know what you know,<br/>I know that I'm ready to leave.<br/>Cause you're making me feel like I've never been born. <br/>••••</p>
<p>Fucking early morning bullshite, John thought as he raised a hand to shield his eyes from the blinding sun. </p>
<p>It may have only been 9:30 AM, but John never saw this hour unless it was because he was still up from the night prior. He begrudgingly made his way into the backseat of his Rolls Royce while his bodyguard-cum-chauffeur, Les Anthony held the door open for him.</p>
<p>Thank fuck for this, John said to himself silently as he got situated. He had recently had the backseat of his Rolls modified so that it could be converted into a double bed, amongst numerous other alterations. The car's tinted windows, some of the first in the entire country to be installed, were also a blessing at this particular moment. </p>
<p>Knowing that he would have to be up early, a hangover was something John had planned to avoid. Of course that went straight out the window when an evening of late-night club hopping took on a life of its own. The combination of John's frustrations and far too much alcohol, marijuana, and pills didn't lend itself to a pleasant morning. </p>
<p>John slept for the entire 45 minute ride into London, straight up until Les' voice startled him awake.</p>
<p>"We're here."</p>
<p>John opened his eyes and blinked a few times, trying to force them to focus. The headache he had woken up with was rearing up again. </p>
<p>"Drive around for a few minutes, would yer?" John mumbled to Les as he pulled out a small metal tin from his pocket. </p>
<p>"Anywhere in particular?" </p>
<p>"Anywhere. Just fucking drive."</p>
<p>Fifteen minutes and one smoked joint later, the car pulled back up to its previous location. John's headache was gone now, replaced with a mellow cloud of stoned indifference. </p>
<p>He looked out the tinted car window at a familiar sight. Ruby's flat was practically a second home for him by this point. It was for all of the Beatles, really. Over two years worth of parties, dinners, and private hang outs had made her home feel like safe haven of sorts. But right at that moment it looked like an ominous prison. </p>
<p>Just over a week had passed since he last saw Ruby. Her claim of being 'tied up and completely booked' all week seemed like some kind of ruse, only adding to John's underlying feelings of suspicion. He had begun to wonder why he didn't just cut ties with her already. </p>
<p>And then a phone call came.</p>
<p>John let out a small sigh and reached for the car door handle. Within a matter of seconds he was out of the car, up the sidewalk, and being ushered through the front door of Ruby's flat.</p>
<p>"Why am I here, Ruby?" John asked as Ruby placed two tea cups on the coffee table in front of him. "What exactly is it that couldn't wait until tomorrow?"</p>
<p>Ruby gave John a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, and sat down on the couch next to him. </p>
<p>"Really, Rube. If I'm here so you can tell me to fuck off then you might as well swerve on it and I'll just be on my way. I'm getting rather tired of being played hot and cold all the time."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry you had to come so early -" Ruby started. </p>
<p>"You're not though. I flat out told you I couldn't manage it today. I've got that blasted photo shoot in a couple of hours but you insisted it had to be today." If it wasn't for the joint that he smoked just before seeing her, John would likely be far more angry with Ruby at this particular moment. "So, here I am at some ungodly hour just so you can... what?"</p>
<p>Ruby let out a soft sigh and looked off at seemingly nothing. John noticed a hint of sadness behind her eyes that gave him an uneasy feeling. </p>
<p>"What is it, Rube?"</p>
<p>Quickly gathering herself, Ruby returned her gaze to John. "Well, I suppose you've likely noticed that I've been a bit... off recently."</p>
<p>John didn't reply but his mind began playing through some of the recent meetings between them where Ruby certainly had seemed not quite herself. </p>
<p>"It started with some random bouts of dizziness," Ruby continued. </p>
<p>That time in the hotel, John thought, remembering the first time he saw her have to catch her balance. </p>
<p>"I brushed that off for some time, but then I began to have issues keeping much of anything down. Nothing I ate seemed to agree with me."</p>
<p>She hasn't eaten or touched a drop of alcohol in front of me in weeks, John suddenly realized. He had noticed her figure had slimmed down a bit recently, but didn't think all that much of it at the time. Birds were always on some diet or another, weren't they?</p>
<p>"Then came the pains..."</p>
<p>"Pains?" John was growing more concerned with what Ruby was telling him. "What pains?"</p>
<p>"It was nothing, really-"</p>
<p>"If you're having pains, Rube, you need to see a doctor," John interrupted. </p>
<p>"Well that's just it, John. That's why I asked you to come over." Ruby set down her teacup on its saucer and looked at John. "I have seen a doctor."</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"Well the signs were all there and I just knew it couldn't be anything else. It just had to be that I was pregnant..."</p>
<p>Ruby continued to speak but John didn't hear the words. He was suddenly sober, the effects of the marijuana having left him as soon as Ruby said that word. </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>There was commotion all over but John's mind was not even remotely paying attention to any of it. He had been going through the motions and doing what he was asked ever since making his way to the top floor studio at The Vale in Chelsea. The photo session was broken into multiple parts, and an interview was scheduled for the same time as well. </p>
<p>Nigel Dickson had started the photo shoot with some conventional shots - the boys wearing turtleneck sweaters and dark jackets - but the latter part of the session took a bit of an odd turn. Robert Whitaker took over, and various props were brought out. </p>
<p>They started with some close up shots. Bob had George and John situate themselves so that George appeared to be hammering some large nails into John's head. After those photos more props were brought out. </p>
<p>"So I've had an idea – stick these white lab coats on and we'll get started," Bob explained. </p>
<p>The Beatles changed out of their dark jackets and into long white coats, and cuts of meat, false teeth, and doll parts were placed around them. </p>
<p>"I don't quite understand the meat and all this," George said with a perplexed look. </p>
<p>"I want to show that the Beatles are flesh and blood," Bob stated. "You're all just regular blokes. This worship you receive is ridiculous. That's what this is about."</p>
<p>Paul nodded eagerly, but John didn't really care either way about any of it. All this Beatles worship was ridiculous, and this could be an interesting way to show that. But his mind was still back at Ruby's trying to grasp the information she had thrown at him just a couple of hours ago, and thinking just how badly he had handled it.  </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>"Pregnant," John finally repeated, staring at Ruby. "Why are you telling me?" Probably belongs to that bloody new boyfriend of yours, anyway, he thought. </p>
<p>"Let me finish before you start planning your escape, John," Ruby said with a slight hint of amusement. "I went to the doctor thinking it just had to be that, because what else could it be?" she continued. </p>
<p>John sat silently, waiting for her to go on. </p>
<p>"Well the good news is I'm not pregnant," Ruby stated with a nonchalant shrug. </p>
<p>"Not... pregnant?"</p>
<p>"Correct. Not even the slightest bit pregnant," Ruby joked, although it seemed a tad forced.</p>
<p>"I'm confused, Ruby," John said with slight shake of his head. "So you're not pregnant. Then why am I here? What did you have to tell me so urgently?"</p>
<p>"Seems they didn't find a baby inside of me," Ruby explained and then took a brief pause before adding, "but they did find a tumor. A rather large one, actually."</p>
<p>John's mouth was open but no words were coming out. After finally finding his voice he began a stream of incoherency. "They found a... How do they... They can't just... A tumor...?"</p>
<p>"That's what's been taking up the majority of my time these past couple of weeks," Ruby explained, somewhat apologetically. "They felt some kind of mass during the physical exam and then sent me off to a specialist. They're quite sure it's on my ovary but need to do some exploratory surgery to know exactly what it is, and hopefully remove it."</p>
<p>"They're going to cut you open?"</p>
<p>"Well it seems as though they have to. It's not going to magically go away on its own, is it?" </p>
<p>"How are you making jokes right now?!" John bellowed. "You've got some massive bloody tumor and are going to be sliced open, and you're making fucking jokes?"</p>
<p>"John..." Ruby sounded legitimately confused and even a little taken aback. "It's likely not even all that bad. Just a simple surgery and I'll be back to good in no time. And then we'll be back to our usual routine." She looked into his eyes, "I just had to tell you now because I'll be in hospital tomorrow. I thought I had more time, but they called two days ago..."</p>
<p>John stood up from the couch as the walls seemed to close in on him. He suddenly felt an overwhelming need to leave; to be as far away as possible from this flat, from Ruby, even from his own thoughts. He clomped towards the front door and then paused to turn back to Ruby. </p>
<p>"You're a bloody selfish bitch, trying to make me feel bad for you! That's exactly what you are!" </p>
<p>He then turned and opened the front door, leaving a shocked Ruby still sitting on the couch. It wasn't until he was in the backseat of his car again, being driven to the photoshoot, that John even realized what he had done. </p>
<p>His head fell back onto the headrest. Fucking hell... he thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30 - WAIT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 30 - WAIT</p><p>••••<br/>But if your heart breaks,<br/>Don't wait. <br/>Turn me away.<br/>And if your heart's strong,<br/>Hold on.<br/>I won't delay.<br/>Wait til I come back to your side.<br/>We'll forget the tears we cried.<br/>••••</p><p>"How much did you say you invested?" John asked as they walked through the front door of the shop. </p><p>"Five thousand quid," Paul replied. "And of course the wrapping paper design and a bit of interior decorating as well."</p><p>"That much? And what does it give you in return, then?"</p><p>"It'll give me plenty," Paul replied. "This is where it's at now. The underground scene is what's happening now, and I want my hand right in there as it happens."</p><p>Indica Books &amp; Gallery had just recently opened at 6 Mason's Yard in London. It focused on the contemporary underground literary and art scene, and was owned by Barry Miles, Peter Asher, and John Dunbar. </p><p>"Peter was so chuffed to throw some ideas at me and have my hand stirring the pot," Paul continued. "And Jane was happy to have me working with her brother."</p><p>Indica Books was situated on the ground floor, with the art gallery located downstairs. Today's visit was fostered by John's desire to find a copy of The Portable Nietzsche. </p><p>Paul wasted no time making his way around the bookstore, bouncing back and forth between the office downstairs and the front desk of the bookstore, checking things out and asking non-stop questions. John, on the other hand, took his time admiring the shop. The bookcases were extremely tall, and the ceiling was made from strips of Mellonex that shimmered and reflected the light when the door opened. </p><p>By the time the pair of Beatles were done, Paul had jotted down a laundry list of concerns and suggestions for Peter and the others, and John had settled on an entirely different book than the one he had originally come in for. </p><p>"Ah, Leary!" Barry noted with a nod as he slid John's book selection, The Psychedelic Experience into a paper bag for John. "Excellent choice."</p><p>****</p><p>Back home at Kenwood John flipped through his new book. Towards the front of the introduction was a sentence that caught his attention. </p><p>"When in doubt, relax, turn off your mind, float downstream," John read aloud. </p><p>He immediately headed upstairs to his attic music room and began recording himself as he read certain phrases that he found inspiring so that he could come back to them later. As he continued to flip through the pages he realized that perhaps what he was doing in his life was exactly the opposite of what he was reading about. </p><p>Relax. Open your mind, John thought. That's the way to be, yeah? Not pushing everything in the corner and ignoring it. </p><p>John let out a sigh. Pushing everything aside was one thing he did quite well. Feelings, obligations, anything that required John to step out of his comfort zone was fair game to be shoved aside and never touched again.</p><p>The phone on the table in the corner suddenly seemed to be staring at him. John plopped down on the small chair next to it and lifted the receiver. He twisted the dial in the familiar series of numbers that he knew so well, and waited for a response. </p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>John opened his mouth to speak but suddenly wasn't sure if calling was the right thing to do after all. </p><p>"Hello...?" </p><p>John cleared his throat. "Sandra. Hi. It's John." His words were coming out choppier than he meant them to. "I was... uh, calling to check on Ruby."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"I wanted to see how the surgery went and see if she was still in hospital or back home yet."</p><p>"Right." John could hear Sandra take a breath before she spoke again. "Yes, well..."</p><p>"I took it badly when she told me," John interrupted, attempting to lighten the gravity of the situation. "I know that."</p><p>The sound of sharp breathing came through the receiver again. "She's home now," Sandra finally replied. "Very sore and a bit weak. I'll let her know you rang."</p><p>"Wait!" John called out hoping to keep Sandra on the line. "Please. Um... could you maybe... ya know, tell her I was worried?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Tell her I'd like to see her once she's gathered her strength a bit?"</p><p>Another sharp inhale and exhale on the other line. </p><p>"Tell her... you could tell her I'm... ya know... sorry and all."</p><p>"All right, John. I'll tell her."</p><p>"Thanks, San. I mean it, too. Please. Please tell her."</p><p>After hanging up the phone John sat for a few moments thinking about Ruby. After his regrettable outburst last week he had tried to forget about the fear he felt regarding her health issues. Of course no amount of drugs, alcohol, or other distractions had managed to remove her from his thoughts for more than a short time.</p><p> </p><p>The next few days were spent in preparation for the recording of their new album. John, George, and Ringo spent a good amount of time with Paul at his home on Cavendish Ave, as the renovations were completed and he had just moved in last month. </p><p>John's inspiration from his new book by Timothy Leary ended up becoming a song that flowed out of him so quickly it surprised even him. John had taken the recordings he made of himself reading, and replayed them during an acid trip. The LSD combined with the heavy words caused a cacophony of lyrics to literally pour from his brain. </p><p>Five days later the song was ready to be recorded at EMI on the very first day of work for the Beatles' new album. Things weren't getting started until that evening, and John was reading the newspaper in the sunroom at Kenwood as Julian wandered into the room. </p><p>"Yook at my car, daddy," he said as he clomped over to his father on the couch holding out a wooden toy car. </p><p>"Mmm, that's a right nice car, there," John replied.</p><p>He looked up to see Cynthia standing at the door observing the interaction between father and son.</p><p>"Almost impossible to believe he'll be three in just a few days, isn't it?" Cynthia asked. </p><p>"Growin' up in front of us, he is."</p><p>Julian rolled the toy car along the edge of the loveseat John sat on.</p><p>"It's been nice having you home for such a long amount of time," Cynthia said, joining John on the loveseat. "I know you might find it boring here, but it's good for Julian to spend time with you."</p><p>"Well, we start back up in the studio today, ya know. The holiday has ended." John folded his newspaper and placed it on the side table. "Les should be here soon, actually. We're meeting at Paul's beforehand."</p><p>Cynthia nodded with a halfhearted smile. "I know the routine by now."</p><p>"In fact, I need to make a phone call before I go," John said as he stood up. "If Les gets here before I come down just tell him to wait in the car for me."</p><p>Up in the attic John stared at the phone on the corner table. It had been five days since he had called and spoken to Sandra, and there had been no reply from her or Ruby in that time. With a sigh John picked up the receiver and dialed Ruby's number yet again. </p><p>"Hello?" </p><p>John was thrown for a second because the voice was not one that he recognized. "Oh, hello there!" he replied in a posh accent. "Ruby please?"</p><p>"You'll have to leave a message for her," the woman's voice answered. "She's still recuperating."</p><p>John could hear muffled voices in the background. That's Ruby! I'd know her voice anywhere, he thought. "She may be recuperating but I can hear her through the phone!" John replied, dropping the phony accent. "Please, ma'am, let me speak to her for just a minute. I'm a close friend."</p><p>"Who is that?" Ruby's distant voice came muffled through the receiver. </p><p>"It's some man. Claims he's close, personal friends with you," the unknown woman answered. "You need to rest -"</p><p>"Just give me the phone, mum," Ruby said. </p><p>There was some rustling noises, some more muffled words, and then John heard the one thing he had been wanting to hear for days. </p><p>"Hello?" Ruby asked. </p><p>"Ruby," John replied, not even bothering to hide his relief.</p><p>There was a brief pause. "John," Ruby finally monotoned.</p><p>"Rube, I rang days ago and left a message with Sandra. Did she tell you?"</p><p>Another pause. "She told me you phoned."</p><p>"I wanted to check on you. I was worried."</p><p>Ruby let out a hollow chuckle. "Well you certainly could have fooled me."</p><p>"Rube. Please." He was well aware how badly he messed up, but John had hoped Ruby could have gotten past it by now. "Let me see you. Let me explain why I acted like such a tosser."</p><p>"I don't know if that's -"</p><p>"Please, Ruby. You owe me the chance to explain. You went off your trolley about us at one point, too. Remember?"</p><p>"I suppose I did, but I certainly wasn't quite so harsh, was I?"</p><p>"Let me see you, Rube. Just to talk. Please."</p><p>Ruby let out a soft sigh. "All right, John."</p><p>"I can be there in an hour."</p><p>Ruby let out yet another long sigh. </p><p>"I won't stay long, Rube," John continued. "I have to be in the studio later. I just need to see that you're okay."</p><p>"All right, John. Fine. You win. I'll see you in a bit."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31 - WE CAN WORK IT OUT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 31 - WE CAN WORK IT OUT</p><p>••••<br/>Life is very short, <br/>and there's no time<br/>For fussing and fighting, <br/>my friend.<br/>I have always thought <br/>that it's a crime,<br/>So, I will ask you once again.<br/>Try to see it my way.<br/>Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. <br/>••••</p><p>The door to Ruby's flat was opened by the woman that John assumed had answered the phone earlier. To say that her expression was disapproving would be an understatement. Disgust might be a better word. </p><p>"Afternoon madam," John said with a tip of an imaginary hat. </p><p>The woman's expression didn't change one bit, and she didn't seem as if she was about to let him inside anytime soon. </p><p>"I'm... here to see Ruby? I rang earlier."</p><p>"Mum, let him in," Ruby's voice came from within the flat. </p><p>The woman begrudgingly stepped aside and John walked in. Ruby was laying on one of the couches, propped up with pillows behind her. She had a mauve colored blanket draped over her from the waist down. </p><p>"Mum, this is John Lennon," Ruby said from the couch. "He's in The Beatles. And John, this is my mother, Fay."</p><p>Fay gave the slightest nod towards John, and then turned to Ruby. "You really shouldn't be having guests right now. You still need your rest."</p><p>"I've been doing nothing but resting for almost two weeks," Ruby countered. "Laying on the couch and having a conversation isn't going to do me any harm."</p><p>Fay let out a harrumph as she walked towards the kitchen. "I'll be getting dinner started if you need anything."</p><p>John watched her disappear into the kitchen. "Pleasure meetin' you, too," he grumbled. </p><p>"Don't mind her. She's just trying to look out for me." Ruby carefully moved her legs to make room for John on the couch. "Sandra had an obligation out of town for a couple of days and didn't want me here on my own. That's why mum's here."</p><p>"She seems... lovely."</p><p>John sat down and took a good look at Ruby. She was a bit pale and obviously tired, but other than that she didn't seem too worse for the wear.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" John asked. </p><p>"Still a bit sore," Ruby replied. "Tired and sore. But my appetite is finally coming back, and I haven't had any dizzy spells since I've been home."</p><p>"That's great, Rube. You really had me worried..."</p><p>Ruby let out a laugh and then immediately pressed a hand to her abdomen with a small grimace. "You certainly have a backwards way of showing your concern."</p><p>John opened his mouth to respond and then caught himself. His immediate reaction was to make a joke or put the blame on her, but he knew that would only make the issue worse. </p><p>"I really fucked all that up," he finally said.</p><p>Ruby looked at him with raised eyebrows, and John knew he needed to say more. </p><p>"It was just so unexpected, Rube," John continued with a light sigh. "You had me thinking you were pregnant one moment, and then you suddenly pulled that out and told me you were practically dying and had to be bloody cut open!"</p><p>"I did nothing like that, John! Nowhere in that conversation did I give the impression that I was dying!"</p><p>"Maybe not, but that's right where my brain went." John ran a hand across the front of his hair, brushing it out of his eyes. Everyone I get close to leaves, his mind agreed. </p><p>"That's still no excuse for the way you behaved," Ruby stated. "Not only did you just up and leave, you also called me some pretty horrible things on your way out."</p><p>Letting go of his pride, John scooted a little closer to Ruby. "I'm sorry, Rube. I really am. I was an idiot and I was just scared."</p><p>Ruby's features softened a little. John watched as she took a breath and seemed to be weighing his apology in her mind. </p><p>"I've just... I've just lost a lot of people," John confessed. "Running theme of me life, I suppose..."</p><p>"Who have you lost?" Ruby asked. She appeared to be genuinely interested in what John was telling her. </p><p>"Well, me mum, for one," John sighed. He leaned back against the couch and glanced uncomfortably around the room. "Uncle George. Then Stu..."</p><p>"Stu?"</p><p>"He was me best mate. I convinced him to join the band and he ended up falling in love with this bird Astrid in Hamburg when we played there." John let out another sigh. "We all had to come back home, but Stu stayed to be with Astrid."</p><p>"And he died?"</p><p>John nodded. It had been years since Stu's death, but it was something he had never forgiven himself for. Maybe if I had stayed... If I had been there... Maybe it was one of those fucking fights I got us into...</p><p>"Brain hemorrhage," John explained. </p><p>"And you somehow thought that I was dying and leaving you, too?"</p><p>"Running theme, remember?" John attempted a half-hearted joke. </p><p>Ruby gently scooted herself up a little from her propped up position on the couch. From the look on her face it seemed like she was still quite tender from the surgery. </p><p>"Do you need help?" John asked, a bit unsure of how to respond. </p><p>"No, I'm okay. Honestly, it's these damn stitches that are the worst of it anymore." Ruby placed the palm of her hand against her abdomen again. "I'm supposed to be getting them removed tomorrow, thank goodness."</p><p>"Oh, right..." </p><p>John had always been quite uneasy when put into the role of comforter or caretaker. Even when his own son had been hurt or crying, John's immediate gut reaction was always to yell at him or hand him off to someone else to be dealt with. He didn't necessarily want to yell at Ruby or walk out again, but it was just an uncomfortable feeling to see her in pain and not be able to fix it. </p><p>"So, was the surgery..." John paused, unsure of the right word. "Successful?" he finally settled on. </p><p>Ruby nodded. "The doctors seemed pleased with how it went. They ended up taking out the entire ovary along with the tumor, but they said I should be back to my old self in a few weeks."</p><p>"Well that's good, right? I mean, you can survive without one of those... ovary things, can't you?"</p><p>Ruby chuckled and nodded again. "Yes, I can."</p><p>The atmosphere between the two of them seemed to have lightened over the last few minutes, and John was thankful for that.</p><p>"And I've had Sandra taking great care of me, along with Byron and my mother. </p><p>"Byron." John sneered at the name of Ruby's boyfriend. "What kind of fuckin' name is Byron, any road?"</p><p>"The kind that didn't walk out when I told him I was ill," Ruby replied matter-of-factly. </p><p>John looked away. Why was it always so much easier to pick a fight than to just say what he really meant?</p><p>"Does he make you happy?" John asked, still not looking at Ruby. </p><p>"Does your wife?"</p><p>"You already know the answer to that."</p><p>There was a brief silence that neither of them seemed to be willing to break. A distant clatter of pots and pans could be heard from Ruby's mother in the kitchen. </p><p>"Byron is kind and caring," Ruby finally stated. "He does and says the right things at the right times." She paused for a moment. "Does he make me happy? Yes. Is he you? No."</p><p>John turned to look at Ruby. "Could I make you happy?"</p><p>"You already do, John," Ruby replied. She looked into his eyes from across the couch. "You're absolutely maddening most of the time," she laughed, "but somehow I manage to be far happier having you around than not."</p><p>"I'm sorry I was such an arse the last time I saw you."</p><p>"I know you are. And you should be."</p><p>"Are we okay?"</p><p>Ruby nodded. "We are. Still both utterly insane, I suppose. But we're also okay."</p><p>"So... maybe when you're feeling a bit better we can get back to..." John raised and lowered his eyebrows a couple of times. </p><p>Ruby let out a loud laugh and simultaneously reached for her abdomen again. "You're just awful, John! You'll have me ripping these damn stitches and then what you're asking for will take even longer!"</p><p>"Everything all right out there?" Fay popped her head out of the kitchen. "You know you shouldn't be getting yourself all riled up, Ruby."</p><p>"I'm fine, mum. Really." Ruby looked from her mother to John. "John was heading out in a moment, anyway."</p><p>Fay shot another disapproving look at John before disappearing back into the kitchen. </p><p>"Well at least your mum seems to like me," John joked. </p><p>"She's harmless," Ruby smiled. </p><p>"So I suppose I should be going, then. Before I manage to get meself kicked out." John stood up and walked over to where Ruby sat. "You've no idea how glad I am to see you're all right."</p><p>"Perhaps from now on you could try to keep up with saying the things you actually mean instead of the exact opposite? Just so I don't have to wonder if you've truly lost the plot."</p><p>"I make no immediate promises," John replied with a smirk, "but I'll do my best." He knelt down so that he was level with Ruby. "We'll be busy in the studio for a few weeks, so rest up and get better. I'll be 'round to check on you, although I think I'll wait until your mum has left..."</p><p>"Probably smart," Ruby smiled. </p><p>John stood up and took a few steps away from Ruby. </p><p>"And John?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Thank you."<br/>    <br/>    <br/>    <br/>    <br/>A/N: Alma Cogan's mother, Fay, actually lived with Alma and Sandra in the Kensington flat, and was an active part of the social activities in Alma's life. Fay was a wonderfully pleasant person (very unlike her portrayal in this chapter). John actually gave her the nickname "Ma McCogie" as a term of endearment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32 - HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 32 - HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN</p><p>••••<br/>When I hold you in my arms,<br/>And I feel my finger on your trigger,<br/>I know nobody can do me no harm.<br/>••••</p><p>"They're all lightweights, they are!" John laughed. "Can't even make it through the entire night." He looked down at the watch on his wrist, confirming that it was indeed morning.  </p><p>Mick let out a loud laugh and slapped John on the shoulder. "Not you, Lennon. You held out unlike those other wankers."</p><p>It was dawn on the 21st of May, and John had spent the entire night partying with Mick Jagger at Dolly's Nightclub in London. Originally the crowd had included quite a few more people; Paul, Ringo, Maureen, Keith Moon, John Entwistle, and a few others. By dawn the group was down to just Mick and John, along with their ladies, Chrissie Shrimpton and Cynthia. </p><p>"Should we head there?" Chrissie asked. "Do you think the shops are open yet?"</p><p>"Might as well, yeah?" Mick responded. </p><p>This impromptu all-nighter had stemmed from Chrissie's idea to do some shopping on the popular Portobello Road. No one in the group would ever wake up early enough, so it was decided that it would be best to simply stay up all night and head there first thing in the morning. John was never one to pass up a party or an outing, so he was more than willing to stick around. Drugs and alcohol had helped to keep the group busy as they whiled away the hours in one of their favorite London hotspots. </p><p>The two couples slowly made their way out of the dimly lit nightclub. The morning air was brisk, but the sun was shining and the birds were chirping. John slid on a pair of dark sunglasses and lit a cigarette as Cynthia linked her arm in his. </p><p>It was just past 7:30 AM when the group arrived at Portobello Road, and the stall owners were just starting to set up shop. Their faces were all absolutely amazed as they recognized John and Mick walking past. After having tea at a local cafe, the group began their shopping. </p><p>Mick was immediately drawn to some red drummer-boy jackets. John soon found a corduroy jacket he liked, and both of the ladies also ended up finding a few items for themselves as well. </p><p>"Bloody hell, look at that!" John blurted. "Now that is exactly what I need!"</p><p>A long, old timey, one-piece bathing suit was draped over a metal hanger. John knew in an instant that he wanted it. </p><p>"What the fuck?" Mick laughed. "You should put it on now and wear it down the street, ya tosser!"</p><p>"I have to try it out! Make sure it's actually swimmable!" John handed the clerk a few shillings as he continued. "Everyone has to come back to Kenwood for a swim!"</p><p>Chrissie gave John a sideways look. "It's too bloody cold for a swim!"</p><p>"Ah-ha! Way ahead of you on that," John said with a playful pat on her head. "Heated pool, birdy. Beat that!"</p><p>****</p><p>"That was an interesting day, wasn't it?" Cynthia asked as she settled down into the bed with John. </p><p>"I think it was quite nice," John replied. "Could've done without Mick's bird bringing her damn dog over, though. Fuckin' thing jumped in the pool!"</p><p>And it had been a nice day, although John couldn't help but feel a bit put out by having Cynthia there the entire time. Dolly's had been full of pretty girls, as it always was, and most of them were there hoping to catch a celebrity. Sexy little Cindy, or Sarah, or Janet was there to finagle her way into bed with any famous bloke there, just to feel special for a moment. Having your bloody wife there puts a damper on that.</p><p>Truth be told, if Cynthia hadn't been there John probably would have made his way to Ruby's at some point. It had been over a month since her surgery and Ruby was almost fully recovered. John had visited her a handful of times, though they still hadn't been intimate. This was likely part of why John was feeling frustrated by not having been able to take advantage of the willing girls at the club. </p><p>"The dog wasn't so bad," Cynthia smiled. "I thought it was cute when it jumped in the pool."</p><p>John rolled over towards Cynthia. "It wasn't cute," he mumbled as he palmed her breast and placed a kiss on her neck. </p><p>Sex with his wife had been lacking excitement for years by this point. John felt more like it was a rehearsed play to be performed exactly the same way each time; lights off, missionary position, little-to-no dirty talk.</p><p>"The lights," Cynthia murmured as John climbed on top of her. </p><p>It didn't used to be like this, John thought while remembering the various styles and risky locations of their early love making in Liverpool. He sighed and reached for the lamp on the bedside table. Boring sex is better than no sex. Hell, even bad sex is still better than none at all. </p><p>****</p><p>"You look lovely."</p><p>Ruby smirked. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Lennon."</p><p>John watched her as she placed the needle down on the record player and then joined him on the couch. The Animals' "I Put A Spell On You" began to fill the lounge. </p><p>"You really do, though. You've looked better and better each time I've visited, but today you seem like your old self again." John reached over and pushed a strand of Ruby's dark hair behind her ear. </p><p>"Well I'm starting to finally feel like my old self again," Ruby smiled. "And it must show because Sandra didn't fight me when I told her to have an evening out."</p><p>John had been a little surprised when he received a call at home from Ruby earlier that afternoon. She had invited him over to her flat for an "early dinner and drink," as she had put it. John had no prior obligations, so he jumped at the invitation despite still being tired from his all-nighter two evenings ago. </p><p>"Kicking your poor sis out just to have me over, are you?"</p><p>"She didn't seem too put out by it," Ruby laughed. "She's been seeing someone recently. I believe she'll be spending the evening with him quite happily."</p><p>John leaned in and kissed Ruby, tasting the wine from dinner on her lips. She kissed him back eagerly. Finally. When he pulled away, John stared at Ruby for a moment. Her eyes were bright, and her pink cheeks had a glow to them that had been missing while she recovered from her surgery. He leaned in again and kissed the side of her neck. </p><p>"Dinner was lovely, but I'm really looking forward to dessert..." John whispered into Ruby's ear.  </p><p>"One track mind, as always," Ruby joked. "Dessert does sound nice..."</p><p>Within seconds both John and Ruby were kissing each other hungrily. They stumbled out of the lounge and down the hallway. Moments after arriving in the bedroom, Ruby was standing in front of John in only her panties. </p><p>"Mmm," John murmured, taking in the sight.</p><p>Ruby stepped towards John and unbuckled his belt, tugging on his pants until they fell to the floor. John was already hard, eager, and imagining what was about to happen.</p><p>John ran a hand down Ruby's stomach and slowly peeled off her panties. "Are you... all right to do stuff?" He gently ran his thumb over the raised pink scar below her navel. </p><p>"Well don't go expecting a circus act from me," Ruby chuckled. "But yes, I'm all right."</p><p>The pair made their way to the bed, and between passionate kisses their bodies melded. John took in every moment - watching Ruby's face, listening to her breathing, adjusting his movements to compliment and accent what her body was telling him. Ruby, in turn, seemed to give herself fully to the moment, allowing John to touch, taste and experience everything she had to give. <br/>  <br/>  <br/>  <br/>   <br/>"Does it hurt?" John asked, running his thumb over the finger-length scar on Ruby's abdomen. She was laying flat on her back as John sat next to her on the bed. </p><p>"No," Ruby shook her head. "I actually can't feel anything at all on the scar itself. You could run your fingernail across it and I wouldn't feel it."</p><p>John lifted his hand from Ruby's stomach and removed the cigarette from his lips. "That so?"</p><p>"Mmm hmm," Ruby nodded. "The skin around it is tender, but honestly the worst of the pain is long gone."</p><p>There was a mellow, relaxed feeling inside of John, and for once it wasn't due to a haze of marijuana. It was from something better than pot, better than pills, even better than LSD. </p><p>"You're so fucking beautiful, Rube," John breathed. </p><p>Ruby looked up at him and smiled. </p><p>"You really are." John squished his cigarette into an ashtray on the bedside table and returned his hand to Ruby's body. </p><p>He felt her warm breasts, the smooth skin of her stomach, and his hand grazed over the scar once more before moving between her legs. He rubbed her velvety wetness, and she moved to climb on top of him again. </p><p>"Stay there," John whispered, and continued to stroke the softest parts of her. </p><p>Within a few minutes Ruby's body was writhing beneath John's touch. He watched as her breaths became short and shallow, and soft moans escaped her lips. Her back arched slightly, and John couldn't take his eyes off of Ruby as she unraveled in his hands. </p><p>Holy fuck, John thought. That was amazing. He hadn't planned to do that, but in the moment it just felt right. It was one of the few times in his life where he even cared about pleasing a woman without pleasing himself as well. </p><p>John scooted himself down to eye level with Ruby. "Tell me again why you're not mine and I'm not yours. 'Cause we should be, ye know. And don't say anything about wives, and babies, and boyfriends. "</p><p>Ruby didn't respond but her soft eyes stayed trained on John's. </p><p>"Sod everyone else, Rube. Me an' you are right together. I lost my mind when I thought you were..." John gently ran his fingers over the scar again, unable to finish his thought out loud. "Me an' you-"</p><p>Ruby raised a hand and placed her index finger on John's lips to quiet him. "Me and you..." she smiled.</p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33 - FOR YOU BLUE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 33 - FOR YOU BLUE</p><p>**This chapter contains sensitive material of a sexual nature that may be disturbing to some.**</p><p>••••<br/>Because you're sweet and lovely girl, I love you.<br/>Because you're sweet and lovely girl, it's true.<br/>I love you more than ever girl, <br/>I do.<br/>••••</p><p>"Don't you love me, Ruby?"</p><p>"Of course I do."</p><p>"Then show me. If you really loved me then we'd have done it by now."</p><p>"I do show you. I'm just not ready for that yet."</p><p>They continue kissing and Ruby feels his hands grabbing and demanding more from her. This isn't like him. She instinctively reaches for the car door handle and pulls, but nothing happens. It's locked. </p><p>"Come on, Ruby. Don't be such a prude."</p><p>"I'm not-"</p><p>His right hand is now under her skirt, pulling and scratching at her while his left hand holds her against the seat. </p><p>"If you loved me then you'd do it."</p><p>"Robert-"</p><p>"Don't be such a bloody cocktease," Robert says. He pulls Ruby's panties down her thighs, snapping the clips of her garter belt in the process. "We've been together for almost a year. You're seventeen next month and then we'll be married." </p><p>"Please, Robert..." Every muscle in Ruby's body tenses as Robert's hot breath is on her neck. </p><p>"I'm a fucking saint for waiting for you this long. Most blokes would have taken it a long time ago."</p><p>"Please don't!" Ruby attempts to push Robert off of her but she isn't strong enough. "Please..."</p><p>"I looove you, Ruby." Robert grunts, forcing Ruby's legs apart. "And you love me, too. This is how you show me." </p><p>Ruby is now sandwiched in the backseat between the car door and her boyfriend's body. She closes her eyes and flinches as an electric shock of pain shoots through her. </p><p>"See, baby? I love you. You feel so good, Ruby." </p><p>****</p><p>Perhaps it was her first experience that tainted it. Perhaps it was her second experience that cemented it. Sex was something men would take whether it was given willingly or not, and love had absolutely nothing to do with it. </p><p>By the time Ruby was climbing the British music charts she was certain of one thing; no man would ever take anything from her ever again. If sex was something that men were going to get no matter what, then she was going to be the one to take it from them first. </p><p>Ruby's approach to sex and relationships served her well for many years. Staying one step ahead of the men had become routine quite quickly. Ruby could tell from a single glance if a fellow was eying her up; undressing her with his mind. </p><p>Sometimes nothing more than avoidance was necessary. Most blokes were only around for a moment - a photoshoot, a television appearance, an interview - and those guys were usually safe. It's the ones that might be around longer that were the danger. The ones who want to 'help your career' are the ones who want their thanks in the form of getting into your skirt. </p><p>So Ruby learned how to handle them. Most men talked a big game, but as soon as a woman was the first to initiate things, they balked. And the ones that didn't were usually so thrown off that Ruby was able to keep the upper hand. Strong, sexually independent women were off-putting to men. If they still wanted sex from Ruby they would get it, but it would be under Ruby's terms. </p><p>Every encounter boosted her self-esteem. Each time Ruby was able to take control of a sexual situation it helped push the thoughts of her first time farther and farther away. And over the years it faded away completely, pushed to the far reaches of Ruby's mind. </p><p>Until this one fellow showed up. </p><p>Ruby had seen him taking inventory of her during the rehearsals. She had seen him watching her during the show itself. His behavior at the party was the kicker, though. Ruby should have had two massive holes bored into her body with the amount of staring he did at her during that event. </p><p>John Lennon wasn't a name Ruby knew well, but his manager, Brian, was a close family friend. Therefore this John fellow was likely someone who would be around more than once.</p><p>If she had known what this man would end up doing to her emotions Ruby likely would never have even approached him. Of all the men she had conquered he was the only one that she ever let in.</p><p>****</p><p>"Tell me again why you're not mine and I'm not yours," John said. "'Cause we should be, ye know. And don't say anything about wives, and babies, and boyfriends."</p><p>Ruby didn't know how to respond. Her mind was still hazy, her body still flooded with pleasure from what John had just done to her. She looked up at his eyes as he spoke. </p><p>"Sod everyone else, Rube. Me an' you are right together. I lost me mind when I thought you were..." Ruby felt John gently run his fingers around the scar on her abdomen. "Me an' you-"</p><p>Ruby raised a hand and placed her index finger on John's lips to quiet him. "Me and you..." she smiled.</p><p>Ruby knew this topic would come up that night. If John hadn't been the one to bring it up she ultimately would have done it herself. Her recent health scare had caused Ruby to do a lot of thinking about her past, and also about her future. </p><p>"I know I've told you a bit about my past relationships," Ruby continued. "I've tried so desperately to keep you at arms length just like every other man. And you've done your fair share of things that made me wish I had been able to," she laughed. </p><p>"We both have," John countered. </p><p>"Yes, well..." Ruby let out a small sigh and sat up on the bed. "These last couple of months have left me with a few realizations. I've been cooped up with nothing to do but think."</p><p>"About us."</p><p>Ruby nodded. "Among other things."</p><p>"And?" </p><p>"And, I have to admit that the prospect of not having you around is not something I enjoy thinking about." Ruby took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves. "I still am not okay with the idea of you leaving your family, but I can't keep lying and pretending that I wouldn't love to be with you in a more..." she took a beat, searching for the right word, "...permanent way."</p><p>Ruby felt a bit of relief as she watched John's eyes brighten while he listened to her. John may have brought up the topic numerous times in the past, but there was always an underlying acknowledgement that the idea wasn't truly possible. Sometimes there can be safety in uncertainty. When ideas are only ideas, then there's no risk of rejection. Once you start acting on those ideas things become real, and real can be terrifying. </p><p>"A more permanent way?" John asked. "As in... us? Together?"</p><p>Ruby nodded again. "Nothing hasty, though. Really." She reached for a blanket, suddenly uncomfortable in her nakedness. "I mean, there's a lot to discuss... assuming you even want..."</p><p>Ruby's rambling was suddenly cut off by John's mouth on hers. He placed a hand at the nape of her neck, and Ruby felt herself relax into him. She had her answer, apparently. </p><p>John pulled away from the kiss. "I didn't think I'd ever hear you say any of this, Rube. I've told you, I'll be done with Cyn the moment you tell me to."</p><p>Ruby herself was a little surprised that she had finally said it out loud. These were things she had been feeling for quite awhile, but she never intended to vocalize them. John's life was one of the most public in the world, including his marriage and child, and the prospect of publicly being the "other woman" was not something Ruby looked forward to. </p><p>"Well there's a lot to talk about, John - a lot to be decided and figured out..." Suddenly Ruby's mind was reeling at the prospect of the two of them becoming more. </p><p>"There's plenty of time for talking," John replied. "And there's nothing to figure out. We're right together, that's all there is to it." He gently climbed on top of Ruby and kissed her again. "Me. And. You," he whispered in between kisses. </p><p>Ruby closed her eyes and tried to clear her racing mind. She focused on the feeling of John's lips and the slight scratch of his stubble against her chin. As John moved his kisses from her lips down to her neck, Ruby breathed in the scent of tobacco and soap from his hair. </p><p>"I love you, Rube." John whispered. "I've loved you for a long time, now."</p><p>Ruby parted her legs, allowing John inside her, both physically and emotionally. "I've loved you for a long time too, John..."</p>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34 - IN SPITE OF ALL THE DANGER</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 34 - IN SPITE OF ALL THE DANGER</p><p>••••<br/>In spite of all the danger,<br/>In spite of all that may be,<br/>I'll do anything for you,<br/>Anything you want me to,<br/>If you'll be true to me. <br/>••••</p><p>John sat in a small dressing room, legs crossed, bouncing his foot up and down. There were many places that he would like to be, and a stuffy dressing room in Germany was not one of them. </p><p>It was the end of June, and a month had passed since the night he and Ruby first admitted their true feelings to each other. They, well mainly Ruby, had decided that it would be best to wait a few months before making any changes to their current situation.</p><p> </p><p>"There's far too many things currently going on in both of our lives to start making any massive changes straight away," Ruby said. </p><p>"There's no better time than now, Rube," John countered. "If we don't get the ball rolling soon then we might as well sit 'round with our thumbs up our asses for another two years."</p><p>Ruby laughed and then gave John a warm smile. "You have a tour coming up. Brian would murder not only you, but me as well if this came out right before you left. You also have a wife and child. A marriage isn't something you leave haphazardly." She broke eye contact with John and looked around the bedroom. "And besides, now that I'm feeling better, my manager has booked me a handful of performances around England and Sweden in the coming months. So we both have busy schedules coming up."</p><p> </p><p>John hadn't been too keen on putting their plans on hold, but when it came down to it Ruby was right. As usual. Germany was only the first stop on a summer full of concerts and traveling. And with Ruby venturing back out into the performance scene, neither one of them were in any state to deal with the repercussions of a new public relationship. </p><p>"Well if it was up to yer we'd all be on our arses!" George's loud voice brought John out of his thoughts. </p><p>"Fuck off," Paul brushed George off with a wave of his hand. </p><p>"No, you 'fuck off,' Paul." George didn't seem willing to let this particular argument go. "After that performance it's a wonder we can show our faces out there again. We all sound for shit, and you can't even get through a bloody song without mucking up all the words."</p><p>"He's right, ye know," John piped up from his seat. "We play like garbage and sound worse. How many verses did you get right in "I'm Down," hmm? None."</p><p>"Ah, piss off!" Paul retorted and walked to the far corner of the room with his bass. </p><p>The four band members had gone onstage earlier at 5:15 PM and were currently biding their time in the dressing rooms before their second performance at 9:00 PM. The first show had gone off with numerous flubs. The group's recent absence from performing live had been more than apparent. George had introduced "Yesterday" as being from Beatles For Sale, and "I'm Down" had been delayed by an on-stage conference between the three guitarists about lyrics in the opening verse. In spite of this, Paul had still managed to get each verse wrong.</p><p>"It'll get better. We just need to get back onstage and back in the swing of things." Ringo had been silently watching the conversation from a well-worn couch. "They can't hear us anyway from all the screaming."</p><p>"So why are we even playing?" George asked. "This whole touring thing is getting old, and you're right - they don't even listen to us."</p><p>John let out a small sigh. George was right. The fans had never really been able to hear their concerts. Hell, the band could barely even hear themselves. In the early days the screaming from the fans had been exciting. Then it started to become annoying. Now it was just plain ridiculous. Add to that the fact that the new music the band was creating was all but impossible to play live, and you end up with a group that sounds awful and feels frustrated.</p><p>****</p><p>"They're bloody burning them! Can you believe that?"</p><p>"Well they have to buy them first in order to burn them, don't they? What the fuck do I care what they do once they buy them?"</p><p>Paul shook his head. "Apparently they're having boycotts and big bonfires over there."</p><p>"Well they're all off their heads then, aren't they?" John flicked the ash from his cigarette into an ashtray. </p><p>It was the first Saturday in August, and John and Paul were sitting in the den of Paul's Cavendish home. Martha, the sheepdog, popped in and out of the room, occasionally letting out an excited bark. The sporadic shouts of the female fans outside the gate could be heard through the open windows. The two men had just finished an interview for a BBC radio show to be titled "The Lennon And McCartney Songbook."</p><p>"Brian's over there right now to try and play damage control," Paul continued. "Why did all this blow up right before our trip there?"</p><p>"How the fuck should I know, Paul? They're always looking for something to get upset about in America. Some group or another has always hated us over there. This is nothing new."</p><p>"Except it is. Brian said there's death threats being made."</p><p>John stood up and walked to the window. The sun was starting to set over the building tops. I wonder what Ruby's up to. He had spent quite a bit of time with her since returning from Germany, but she was still quite adamant about keeping their relationship under wraps until both of their schedules were less hectic. </p><p>The Beatles' tour of Germany, Japan, and The Philippines had ended with a short visit to India before heading back home. And now, with the coming American tour, John was going to be gone again for another month. </p><p>Even if he didn't have a laundry list of concert dates in front of him, John still wouldn't have been able to see much of Ruby. She had her own tour which would be happening at the same time as his. </p><p>Martha suddenly bounded into the room again, and Paul got up to take her out to the backyard. </p><p>"Did you hear what I said?" Paul asked. "Bloody death threats!"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, death threats," John replied, annoyed that Paul wouldn't let it go. "How bad could it really be over there? A few crazies are throwing their money away by burning Beatle records all because I simply pointed out the insanity of our situation."</p><p>His interview with Maureen Cleave had been out for months in England, and nobody seemed to care about what John had said. But apparently the interview had been picked up in America, and people were offended. </p><p>"All I said was that the fuckin' band is more popular than the bloody church anymore. I said it 'cause it's the truth. If those wankers in America wanna lose their goddamned minds over it, then that's on them."</p><p>Paul shook his head. "Figures it all blows up right before we have to go over there."</p><p>****</p><p>"Paul's off his head over the whole thing. He's all wound up about the bad publicity and death threats."</p><p>"Are there really death threats being made? That seems a bit much."</p><p>John nodded and rolled over on his side, propping his head up with an elbow. "Can't see why Paulie's all wound up about it though, seeing as how it's me the threats are aimed at."</p><p>Ruby scooted herself into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard of her bed. She smoothed her hair with her hands and rubbed her temples. "You'll have me worried about you the entire time you're gone."</p><p>"No need for that," John replied. "'Sides, I'm the one who'll be worried about you."</p><p>Ruby raised her eyebrows at John. </p><p>"Have you been 'round to the doctor?" John asked. "Have you even bothered to mention that your dizzy spells are creeping back?"</p><p>"They're not dizzy spells, John. I've just been pushing myself with rehearsals and practicing. I get tired more easily now. That's all it is."</p><p>"You can lie to everyone else, Rube. You can fuckin' lie to yourself, even. But don't lie to me 'cause I see right through it."</p><p>Ruby smiled and leaned over to place a gentle kiss on John's nose. "I'm not lying to you. I'm not having dizzy spells. I'm not having anything other than a lot of catching up to do to be ready for these performances."</p><p>John wanted to believe her, but he had seen her struggle for her balance once or twice recently. She tried to hide it, but he saw. Maybe it was just from pushing herself too hard, but knowing about her recent health scare made John worry nonetheless. </p><p>"Worry about what's going to happen in America," Ruby continued. "Worry about your band, or about the crazy fans that apparently want your head, but don't worry about me."</p><p>She deposited another kiss on John's nose and then moved down to his mouth. John slipped his tongue between her lips and tried to replace his worried thoughts with the feel and taste of her body. </p><p>"I'll worry about you until we're both back here in England," he said, breaking from the kiss. "Both back here in England, and both finally together for keeps."</p>
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<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35 - DON'T BOTHER ME</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 35 - DON'T BOTHER ME</p><p>••••<br/>But 'til she's here<br/>Please don't come near,<br/>Just stay away.<br/>I'll let you know<br/>When she's come home,<br/>Until that the day,<br/>Don't come around, leave me alone,<br/>Don't bother me.<br/>••••</p><p>"That's it, then. I'm not a Beatle anymore."</p><p>John turned his head to look at George sitting across the aisle from him. He knew exactly what George meant. Turning back, John looked out the small window of the plane at the fluffy clouds and sunny sky just on the other side of the windowpane. The American tour was now over, and the four band members and their entourage were currently hurtling through the air back to England. </p><p>Not a Beatle anymore. John noted the contrast of the bright skies outside compared to the dark mood inside the plane. Couldn't have said it better meself. </p><p>The band had spent the majority of August making their way around the U.S. While their playing had solidified from their earlier flubs in Germany, their moods had not. If anything, the American leg of the tour had cemented in John's mind that he was utterly done with touring. And apparently George agreed. </p><p>There were so many moments on the tour where the band had literally feared for their safety. In Cleveland a crowd broke loose, crashed through a four-foot security fence, and invaded the field. Completely overwhelmed, the local police simply gave up while hordes of fans took control of the stage. </p><p>At another venue, Mal was electrocuted and thrown clear across the stage while plugging into a wet amplifier. It was raining and the venue hadn't provided any coverings for the stage. Touching any of the rain-soaked electrical equipment could have been deadly, so Brian Epstein had no option but to call off the concert and reschedule for the following afternoon.</p><p>Numerous times the group had been literally thrown into cars, trucks, or ambulances in order to try and evade the surging crowds. The kicker had come after one particular show where the four men were corralled into the back of an empty armored truck, all the while being tossed around like puppets smashing into each other with nothing to hold on to. </p><p>****</p><p>"I thought I was done for," John said simply. "I thought we all were."</p><p>He, Cynthia, and Julian were sitting in the kitchen at Kenwood the day after John had arrived home. His head still reeling from the tour, John stirred his tea and idly picked up a piece of toast before placing it immediately back down on the plate. </p><p>"One night on a show in the South somewhere somebody let off a firecracker while we were on stage," he continued. "There had been all these threats to shoot us, and the Klan were burning Beatles records outside. Somebody let off a firecracker and every one of us looked at each other. We each thought it was the other that had been shot."</p><p>Cynthia shook her head in disbelief. "Well I'm just glad you're all back home safely. It sounds utterly mad over there."</p><p>"You've no idea."</p><p>Later that afternoon, sitting around John's swimming pool, John and Paul smoked a joint while Cynthia played hostess to Jane Asher inside. </p><p>"You know, I'm beginning to second guess my thinking with the whole art gallery deal."</p><p>"How do you mean?" John asked. </p><p>"It's not so much that I regret any of it," Paul replied. "I just didn't bargain having laundry lists of struggling artists begging me for money to fund their art." He took a long drag and passed the joint back to John. "I mean, this one bird in particular has just been relentless! She somehow got my home number and had phoned a handful of times before we left for America. Jane tells me this bird called multiples times a week the entire time I was gone." Shaking his head, Paul added, "I put out a lot of money to help get Indica going so that struggling artists have a venue for their art. But now the bloody artists want me to fund their art, too?! Ridiculous!"</p><p>John laughed. "So that's what Cyn was going on about!"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"She said that some bird had rung over and over again while I was gone. Something about money and art and whatnot." John laughed again. "I suppose you sent her my way to get her off your ass?"</p><p>"Oh fuck, I should be so lucky!" Paul turned at the sound of the glass sliding door opening. "Jane! Tell John about that bloody artist bird who rings constantly!"</p><p>Jane let out a groan as she and Cynthia joined their men by the pool. "Lord... this girl is nothing if not persistent - ringing all hours of the day, won't take no for an answer, and I can hardly understand her for her accent."</p><p>"Oh boy," Cynthia laughed. "You too, then?"</p><p>Jane looked at Cynthia with surprise. "Don't tell me she's ringing you too!"</p><p>Cynthia nodded in amusement. "I've taken to handing the phone to Julian and letting him babble some toddler-talk to her until she finally hangs up."</p><p>The group laughed at that mental image as John's housekeeper, Dot, brought out a tray of tea and biscuits. </p><p>"Where is the little man?" Paul asked, looking around. </p><p>"Off to the shops with my mother," Cynthia replied, drawing an obvious eye roll from John.</p><p>"He's getting to be so big, isn't he?" Paul continued. </p><p>Cynthia smiled and nodded. </p><p>"So you're off again soon, yeah?" Paul asked, changing his attention to John. </p><p>"Mmm. Couple days. Germany for a bit and then Spain."</p><p>John had agreed to play a small part in a movie directed by Richard Lester. He had worked with Dick numerous times in the Beatles' own movies, so when he propositioned John a few months ago he had jumped at the opportunity. And with Ruby being gone on her tour until October, the distraction was more than welcome. </p><p>"Tell Dick I send my regards," Paul said.</p><p>****</p><p>The following day John attempted to get some kind of update on Ruby. It had been a couple of weeks since he spoke to her. The hectic schedule of the Beatles' tour, combined with the fact that Ruby was flitting all over Europe on her own tour, made it all but impossible to keep in touch.</p><p>A phone call to Sandra gave John the information that Ruby was done with the British leg of her tour and currently en route to Sweden for a few weeks of performances around the cabaret theatre circuit. </p><p>"And she's... all right?" John asked. "Physically, I mean."</p><p>"Well, you know Ruby is never one to offer up much information about that unless it's absolutely necessary," Sandra replied. "But as far as I can tell she's sounded just fine the few times she's rung."</p><p>John hadn't fully shaken his uneasy feeling about Ruby's health, but hearing that she was doing well on her tour was a bit of a relief. </p><p>"Well, please tell her I rang the next time she phones you," John said. "She knows I'll be gone for a bit, but once I'm able to get a phone number to where I'm staying I'll give it to you and maybe you could pass it along to Rube?"</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Ta."</p><p>"Take care, John."</p><p>John hung the phone up and not thirty seconds later it rang again. Figuring it could be Sandra calling back, John immediately answered. </p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Yes, I am trying to reach John Lennon," an unfamiliar female voice replied. </p><p>"Unavailable," John said, regretting his decision to answer the phone, and also annoyed that it wasn't Sandra. Or better yet Ruby. </p><p>Before he had a chance to hang up again, the softly accented female voice continued. "I am trying to speak to him in order to ask for his help in funding my art. I am very well known in the -"</p><p>"Unavailable means fucking unavailable." John spat and hung up the phone angrily. </p><p>Now he was even more annoyed. This must be that artist bird that Paul had been talking about the other day. Fucking leeches wanting my money. If she's so 'well known' then she wouldn't be needing to ask for bloody handouts. What the hell kind of accent was that, any road?</p><p> </p><p>That night John had a hard time sleeping. Ever since he'd gotten home Cynthia had been nagging him about his impending trip to Germany and then Spain for the movie. She wanted to travel with him the entire time, but John knew that would be disastrous. </p><p>Even on a good day, their relationship was struggling at best. Having Cyn on his heels everyday was a recipe for trouble. They had finally come to an agreement that Cynthia would join John once he arrived in Spain. Ringo had suggested joining them and bringing Maureen as a bit of a holiday, so that would hopefully keep Cynthia entertained and out of John's hair for a bit.</p><p>As he tossed and turned in bed the only thing John was absolutely sure of was that it would be far too long before he would see Ruby again.</p>
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<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36 - MISERY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 36 - MISERY</p><p>••••<br/>I'm the kind of guy<br/>Who never used to cry.<br/>The world is treating me bad, Misery.<br/>I've lost her now for sure.<br/>I won't see her no more.<br/>It's going to be a drag, <br/>Misery.<br/>••••</p><p>The view from inside John's Rolls Royce was amusing. The dark tinted windows prevented anyone outside from knowing who was in the car, and the loudspeaker John had installed allowed him to speak anonymously to anyone within hearing distance of the speakers. </p><p>Seeing as how there was little to do in the remote filming location in Spain, John was more than thankful that he had decided to have his personal car brought along. He had spent the past week practically living in it. </p><p>"Pip, pip. Move along!" John spoke poshly through the microphone to the pedestrians as his car passed them. "Step away from the car!"</p><p>Neil had accompanied John in his travels to Carboneras, Spain a week ago after having completed the portion of filming in Germany. Cynthia and Julian joined them shortly after. All in all, the experience had been relatively pleasant so far, with the exception of having to be up at 6:00 AM every morning for filming.</p><p>****</p><p>"Excuse me?" </p><p>John was seated in the makeup chair when a female voice appeared behind him. </p><p>"Mr. Lennon? I'm sorry to disturb you," the voice continued. "I have a message to deliver to you."</p><p>John turned his head to see a somewhat short and rather plump young lady standing next to him. He recognized her as one of the production assistants he had seen flittering around the set. "Well let's have it, then," he replied, reaching out his hand. </p><p>"I don't have it written down," the young lady said with an apologetic smile. "It seems to be more of a 'word of mouth' type message. Pam told Dick, and then he told me..."</p><p>"All right," John motioned with his hands for her to speed things up. "Well he told you and now you tell me, yes? What's the bloody message?"</p><p>"Someone named Sandra has been trying to reach you. Um..." she furrowed her brow, apparently trying to remember the rest of the message. "She needs you to phone her as soon as you can. Something about the... tour being cut short? Yes, that's it."</p><p>"Tour being...?" John echoed. </p><p>Fuck, John thought. In the entire week he had been in Spain he had completely forgotten to ring Sandra and give her his updated contact information to pass along to Ruby. </p><p>"What about the tour being cut short?" John asked, standing up from his chair. "What's the rest of the message?"</p><p>"Um... that's it. Someone named Sandra needs you to phone her because the tour got cut short." The young woman nodded her head with almost every word as if reciting her lines in a play. </p><p>"Where the nearest phone?" John looked around the makeup trailer hoping to see one. </p><p>"The production trailer, probably."</p><p>John took off practically running past the assistant. This can't be good. Why would Ruby's tour get cut short?"</p><p>It took John a few minutes before he was able to find the production trailer. The smattering of various trailers surrounding the filming location all looked exactly the same. After a bit of finagling and sweet talking from John, one of the secretaries finally agreed to make the international call for him from her desk phone.</p><p>"Hello?" Sandra's voice sounded a bit hollow on the line, likely due to a shoddy connection. </p><p>"San!" John tried to keep his voice low but failed. A few heads turned to look at him, and he turned his back to them while cupping his hand around the mouth piece of the phone. "I just got your message. What's this about the tour being cut short?"</p><p>Sandra audibly sighed. "There's been an issue..."</p><p>"Issue? With the tour?"</p><p>"With Ruby."</p><p>John felt the color drain from his face. "Is she...?"</p><p>"She collapsed during a performance in Sweden," Sandra continued. "Apparently it had happened once before in private, but she didn't tell anyone."</p><p>"Where is she now?"</p><p>"She's here. In bed at the moment. Just got home from the hospital after having some tests run." Sandra let out another sigh. "The doctors are quite certain the cancer has returned. Or spread. It's quite worse than before..." her voice trailed off.</p><p>John leaned his back against the wall. The cord of the phone pulled taut as he slowly slid down until he was sitting on the floor. "I knew she wasn't okay. I fucking knew it." He ran a hand through his hair. "Listen, I'm gonna come there. I'll be there as soon as I can."</p><p>"John," Sandra's voice seemed to gain some strength as she continued, "she doesn't want you to know. In fact, she told me explicitly not to phone you just yet. She's only gotten home a few days ago."</p><p>"There's no fuckin' way I'm not-"</p><p>"She doesn't want you worrying," Sandra interrupted. "She doesn't want you concerned if it turns out to be nothing."</p><p>"Well it's not nothing, and I am bloody worried." John ran his hand through his hair again, still not used to the short haircut he agreed to for the film. "I'm fuckin' coming there. I just... gotta figure out how."</p><p>Before ringing off, John gave Sandra the phone number for the small seafront apartment he had been staying in for the past week, along with instructions to ring him immediately if Ruby's condition changed before he arrived. </p><p>****</p><p>"John, what on earth is going on?"</p><p>"You'll be fine. It's just for a day. Maybe two. Neil's promised to take care of everything. You and Jules are moving to the villa. Santa... something." </p><p>"Santa Isabel," Neil piped in while simultaneously packing a small overnight bag for John. </p><p>Cynthia let out an exasperated sigh and threw her arms up. "We've only just arrived and now you're up and leaving? For what, John? What the hell is going on?"</p><p>"It's a nice, big home," John continued, completely ignoring Cyn's line of questioning. "Much nicer than this dump of a flat. Michael Crawford is staying there, too. You met him, right? You and Jules will be more comfortable there, and by the time you get situated I'll be back."</p><p>Cynthia blew air through her pursed lips. "And where is it again that you're running off to in such a hurry? You've managed to leave out that bit."</p><p>"I'll be back in a couple days. It's all worked out with Dick. The filming schedule is all fixed. They don't need me."</p><p>"Well what if we need you?"</p><p>"Well then Neil's got you covered, right Nelly?" John gave a quick nod towards Neil who was still gathering items from the apartment and tossing them in a bag. </p><p>Cynthia shook her head, obviously bewildered at John's behavior, but John was too preoccupied with his concerns about Ruby to be bothered with his wife's feelings. </p><p>"You'll be fine." John deposited a halfhearted peck on Cynthia's cheek and was out the door with Neil on his heels before Cyn could even respond. </p><p> </p><p>Within the hour John was sitting on a privately chartered plane on his way back to London. He had no idea how Neil was able to work his magic and make all this happen so quickly, but at the same time John didn't question it. Neil was worth his weight in gold with his ability to make the impossible possible. </p><p>Once John landed at Heathrow, his driver, Les was there waiting for him - another tally mark on the list of things Neil likely took care of. With this being such an impromptu trip there was none of the hoards of fans that were typically there when any of the Beatles left or arrived. This made the trek from the airport to Ruby's flat all the more easy. If things worked out the way he was hoping, no one outside of the Beatles' inner circle would even know John was in London. </p><p>As the car pulled up in front of Ruby's flat, John's mind was a racetrack of jumbled thoughts. Ruby collapsed on stage. The cancer is back. It spread. She's gone. She's still here but she's gone. Another one. They all go. </p><p>"Should I wait here?" Les asked, turning his body to face John in the backseat. </p><p>John nodded, unable to force his lips to form any words. If he opened his mouth his thoughts would surely pour out of it. And if his thoughts were said out loud then he would have to accept that they were real. </p><p>John took a breath and let it out slowly before reaching for the car door handle. Moments later that same hand was knocking on Ruby's front door. It opened revealing a somber looking Sandra on the other side. </p><p>"John," she nodded, stepping aside to let him in. </p><p>"Where is she?" John asked.</p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37 - IF YOU'VE GOT TROUBLE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 37 - IF YOU'VE GOT TROUBLE</p><p>••••<br/>If you've got trouble,<br/>Then you got less trouble than me.<br/>You say you're worried.<br/>You can't be as worried as me.<br/>••••</p><p>"She's in her bedroom," Sandra replied, shutting the door. "Resting."</p><p>John immediately started in the direction of the hallway, but was stopped when Sandra grabbed his arm. He turned quickly to face her. </p><p>"She doesn't know you're here. She's going to murder me when she sees you."</p><p>The sound of someone loudly clearing their throat caused John to break eye contact with Sandra. </p><p>"You've met my mother, I believe?" Sandra motioned with her hand in the direction of the living room couch. </p><p>John gave a curt nod in the direction of Fay Cohen. "Pleasure seeing you again, mum."</p><p>"Mrs. Cohen to you," Fay replied with a look of disdain, "and I do believe the pleasure is all yours."</p><p>Sandra guided John a few steps towards the hallway. "Ignore her," she said quietly. "She's concerned about Ruby, obviously. And not too keen on visitors at the moment."</p><p>"Is she ever?" John asked, not actually caring for the answer. </p><p>"Listen, just be prepared," Sandra continued. "Ruby's looking a bit poorly. Her coloring's off. And she's a bit weak..."</p><p>"Is she...?" John couldn't finish his question. "What did the doctors say?"</p><p>"We don't know all the details yet. Her doctor wanted her admitted for observation, but Ruby was having none of that. The scans they took have to be looked at. They took blood..." Sandra was looking more and more frazzled as she spoke. "We're still waiting for a call."</p><p>"But it's back, you said. The tumor? You said the cancer's back."</p><p>Sandra nodded. "The doctor said it's most likely that the tumor on her ovary was only the start. Things like that..." she gestured to her mid-section, "...it spreads easily if you don't catch it quickly."</p><p>John nodded, although he was unsure of what exactly Sandra was saying. All he knew was that Ruby was down the hallway, and she was not okay. He turned again to walk to Ruby's room, and Sandra accompanied him.</p><p>At the door to Ruby's bedroom Sandra lifted a hand and knocked lightly. John didn't hear a response, and Sandra soon knocked again, a bit louder, and turned the knob to open the door a crack. </p><p>"You've a visitor," Sandra said, poking her head into the room. </p><p>From the hallway, John could hear Ruby's muffled voice but couldn't make out what she was saying. He was tired of waiting and tiptoeing around things. John reached out and pushed open the bedroom door enough that he could see inside. Sandra immediately turned towards John upon feeling the door move. </p><p>"So much for a light introduction," Sandra sighed. </p><p>John walked into the bedroom keeping his eyes on Ruby. She looked just as Sandra said: weak, a bit pale, and above all confused to see John. </p><p>"What on earth...?" Ruby began. </p><p>"I'll leave you be," Sandra said, and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her. </p><p>"Rube..." John breathed. </p><p>"You shouldn't be here. I can't believe she told -"</p><p>"Don't shoot the messenger."</p><p>Ruby let out a sigh. "I told her not to contact you over nothing."</p><p>John sat down on the bed next to Ruby. "This is hardly nothing, Rube."</p><p>Ruby attempted to brush off John's concerns with a wave. She scooted herself up to a sitting position, and John helped to arrange the pillows behind her back. </p><p>"I've got everyone here fawning over me as if I were made of porcelain," Ruby continued. "And now you show up with a look on your face as if you've seen a ghost."</p><p>"You collapsed."</p><p>"I had been over exerting myself. That's all."</p><p>"Rube..."</p><p>"That's all."</p><p>John let out sigh. He knew Ruby was lying. He knew she was trying not to let on about what was really happening. Normally, John would be angry in a situation like this - practically being talked down to as if he didn't know what was truly going on - but as he sat there looking at Ruby he just couldn't bring himself to be mad. Scared, yes, but not angry. </p><p>"Well however it happened, you're back home now. Sandra said you've had some doctors look you over?"</p><p>Ruby nodded. "Useless, really. I can't imagine what they're even looking for. It's just a bit of exhaustion."</p><p>"Yes, but what if it's not?"</p><p>"It's just exhaustion, John." Ruby's face was stern, but John could see the slightest bit of fear hiding behind her eyes. </p><p>"All right, Rube. If it's just exhaustion then some rest will do you good." John propped his feet up and positioned himself so he was laying next to Ruby. "Come, have a kip," he said, lifting one arm and patting his chest. </p><p>Ruby let out a small sigh, but readily obliged. She nuzzled into the crook of John's arm and rested her head on his chest. Not long after, John felt her breathing become more rhythmic and deep, and he knew she had drifted off to sleep. Exhausted from his own day of travel and worry, John soon fell into his own slumber. </p><p>John had no idea how much time had passed when he awoke to Sandra's voice and felt Ruby stirring next to him. </p><p>"Mum's got dinner prepared," Sandra said. "Would you like a plate as well, John?"</p><p>John turned and looked at Ruby and then back to Sandra. "You sure your mum won't try to poison me?" He asked with a smirk. </p><p>Sandra laughed. "I'll make your plate. You can eat in here with Rube if you'd like. She seems to be doing better in your company. I'll eat with mum in the kitchen."</p><p>Ten minutes later Sandra returned with a tray containing dinner plates for both John and Ruby. Having not eaten since beginning his travels, John was ravenous. Ruby, however, seemed to pick at her food, moving it around on the plate with her fork. </p><p>"You've got to eat to get your strength back."</p><p>Ruby gave a halfhearted smiled. "Just don't have much of an appetite it seems."</p><p>When they were both done John took the tray back to the kitchen where he spoke with Sandra again. </p><p>"She keeps trying to tell me it's just exhaustion," John sighed. "She can't honestly believe that, can she?"</p><p>"Ruby's a tough one," Sandra replied. "You know that. She never lets on when something is wrong."</p><p>Fay piped up from the kitchen table. "Even when she was a child she'd never give up that she was ill. She'd be sick with a sour stomach, and instead of getting upset and seeking me for comfort, she'd go sneak in the loo and try to hide her sickness."</p><p>Sandra laughed. "Not me. I was never like that."</p><p>"Oh no!" Fay gave the first smile John had ever seen from her. "You were quite the opposite. You'd have a hangnail and be crying for medicine and kisses!"</p><p>After a bit more conversation it was brought up that John should be heading home for the evening. He tried to argue, but ultimately relented. Heading back to Ruby's room to tell her goodbye, John found she was sound asleep again, and he couldn't bear waking her. </p><p>"Phone me if anything happens overnight?" he asked Sandra. "I'll be at Kenwood, I suppose."<br/>   <br/>   <br/>   <br/>That night John sat alone inside his large, empty house. With Cynthia and Julian visiting John in Spain, Dot and the other employees had been given an extended time off. </p><p>As exhausted as he was, John couldn't turn his mind off. He kept picturing Ruby laying in her bed, weak and pale. </p><p>Every plan I make turns out like this. Every single bloody person worth anything to me ends up being taken away. </p><p>John wandered into the sunroom smoking a joint, then a chain of cigarettes, followed by a full glass of whisky all in an attempt to busy himself and quiet his thoughts. The TV was on in the background, but the volume was turned down. Suddenly the phone began ringing, cutting through the silence and causing John to startle. </p><p>Bound to be Sandra, John thought. Who else knows I'm here?</p><p>John reached for the phone on the side table and lifted it to his ear. "What's happened?" he demanded. </p><p>There was a brief silence on the other end of the line before a quiet, almost breathy voice came through. "Is this John?"</p><p>John recognized the female voice, but couldn't figure out from where. "Who is this?"</p><p>"Is this John I'm speaking to?" the voice asked again. </p><p>"Who the fuck is asking?" John bellowed, fully annoyed and still trying to figure out where he recognized the voice from. </p><p>"I've been trying to reach you for some time, now," the voice giggled. "You're very hard to get ahold of."</p><p>"You. You're that art bird!" John exclaimed. "Why don't you take the fucking hint? I'm not hard to reach. You're soft in the head! I'm not interested in what you're peddling."</p><p>The voice giggled again which only made John more frustrated.</p><p>"What's your bloody name, hmm? So I know who to fucking avoid."</p><p>Another giggle. "My name is Yoko. Yoko Ono."</p>
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<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38 - I'M A LOSER</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 38 - I'M A LOSER</p><p>••••<br/>Of all the love I have won or have lost,<br/>There is one love I should never have crossed.<br/>She was a girl in a million,<br/>my friend.<br/>I should have known she would win in the end. <br/>I'm a loser, and I lost someone who's near to me. <br/>I'm a loser, and I'm not what I appear to be.<br/>••••</p><p>"Of course you're going back! You shouldn't even be here!"</p><p>John sighed. He had spent the better part of the morning at Kenwood on the phone with various people - Neil, Dick, even Brian - trying his damnedest to figure out a way to stay in London a bit longer. It was all in vain, though. Dick was adamant that John had to be back for filming, no excuses. And according to Neil, Cynthia was interrogating him relentlessly about John's whereabouts, going so far as to threaten to leave Spain and head home with Julian. </p><p>"John?"</p><p>He looked back over at Ruby who was propped up in her bed, leaning against a mound of pillows. She still looked pale, although she seemed a bit more rested than last night. </p><p>"You shouldn't even be here," Ruby repeated. </p><p>"Of course I should," John responded matter-of-factly. "What I shouldn't be doing is leaving you when you're ill."</p><p>Ruby let out an amused chuckle. "Well either way, there's no reason for you to be sitting here apologizing for having to leave. Besides, it's what... a few more weeks of filming?"</p><p>John nodded. </p><p>"So there you go. A few more weeks and you'll be back home. And I'll be here waiting for you. All fixed up and brand new."</p><p>John attempted a smile but failed. He sat on the edge of the bed next to Ruby. "A lot can happen in a few weeks."</p><p>"Yes, exactly," Ruby nodded. "A lot can happen. You go finish your film, and by the time you get back I'll be all better."</p><p>John didn't dare vocalize the thoughts running through his head, but that didn't stop them. What if you're not 'all better'? What if there is no 'better'? What if you're not even...?</p><p>The door to Ruby's bedroom opened suddenly, saving John from his thoughts. </p><p>"There's a call for you," Sandra said, looking at John. "It's Neil."</p><p>When John returned to Ruby's room he only had a few minutes to say goodbye. Over the phone, Neil had explained the schedule of events that would bring John back to Spain, but John had stopped listening after the first few words. All he knew was that Les would be picking him up in about ten minutes. </p><p>"I'll phone you everyday," John said, joining Ruby on the bed again, "to see how you are. And I swear, Rube, if you go an' try to tell me you're fine when you're not I'll -"</p><p>"You'll what?" Ruby laughed. "You'll stop speaking to me? You'll have nothing to do with me ever again?" The look on Ruby's face was one of pure mischief, and it made John smile. "It seems all I have to do is catch a bit of a cold and you'll come running to my side."</p><p>"We both know this is more than just a cold..."</p><p>"So you go back to Spain, Mister Movie-Star," Ruby spoke right over John, "and don't you dare worry over me."</p><p>They both looked at each other silently for a few moments. Finally John leaned over and kissed Ruby, trying in vain to slow down time. "I love you, Rube," John said softly. </p><p>Ruby looked warmly at John. "I love you, too, John. Now go before they end up firing you."</p><p>****</p><p>The next few days were a blur for John. He made it back to Spain and into the grips of a questioning Cynthia. She was upset that John left her and Julian alone in Spain, but also extremely confused at why he left in the first place.</p><p>John tried to keep true to his word and phone Ruby daily, but as the days went on it became harder and harder. With John's schedule, finding a private phone to make an international call wasn't always easy. Then Ringo and Maureen showed up on an extended holiday to visit John, and suddenly getting in touch with Ruby on a daily basis became impossible. </p><p>Two weeks after returning to Spain, John celebrated his 26th birthday with his friends and costars at a beachfront restaurant. Things seemed to be finally calming down a bit. Cynthia was no longer upset about John's sudden disappearance. Ringo's visit had given John a "partner in crime" and a sense of familiarity. Even the sporadic conversations with Ruby had always ended on an upbeat note. </p><p> </p><p>Four days after John's birthday he received a call from Sandra which changed everything. </p><p>"She's been taken in hospital." Sandra's voice was shaky. "The doctors aren't sure where exactly the cancer has spread, but she's taken a bit of a turn."</p><p>John closed his eyes tightly. Whatever minuscule amount of optimism he had been holding on to left him in that moment. There was no surprise in this information - John knew the cancer was back. He also knew what that meant. </p><p>"I should come back."</p><p>"You can't, John," Sandra replied. "The hospital is only letting in family to visit her at the moment. And besides, she wouldn't let you see her like this."</p><p>"Well I can't just stay here while she wastes away in a damn hospital bed!" John bellowed. </p><p>Sandra's voice didn't waiver as she spoke. "Well, you do whatever it is you need to do, John, but just know that you won't be allowed to see her if you do try to come. The hospital has already turned away a handful of people with names as big as yours trying to visit her."</p><p>John let out a long sigh. "I'm done filming in... three weeks, I think it is?"</p><p>"Then there's no reason for you to rush back," Sandra replied. "That's not very long, is it?"</p><p>"Do you think she'll...?"</p><p>"I'll try to ring you from the hospital when she's gathered some strength to talk." There was a brief pause before Sandra added, "She may not want you to see her in this state, but I know she'd appreciate hearing your voice."</p><p>John spent the next two days in a complete and utter trance. His actions and movements were done only on autopilot. Stand here. Say this. Smile. Drink. Smoke. Drugs to fall sleep. Drugs to wake up. Rinse. Repeat. </p><p>Another phone call from Sandra finally came, this time from the hospital. True to her word, Sandra made sure that John was able to speak to Ruby once she was feeling up to it. </p><p>"Rube," John breathed into the receiver. </p><p>"Well hello to you, too, Mister Movie-Star." Ruby's voice sounded tired, but her smile was audible. </p><p>"I should come home," John stated. </p><p>"Of course you should. When you're done filming."</p><p>"Sandra said they wouldn't let me see you even if I was there."</p><p>"The hospital seems to have all kinds of silly, useless rules, don't they?" Ruby said lightly. "But I'll be out of here by the time you come back, anyway. So don't worry about that."</p><p>John knew that was a lie. "I just wish I could see you. That's all. I feel so useless stuck out here in the middle of nowhere while you're so bad off."</p><p>"I'm fine, John." Even in her condition, it didn't seem like Ruby could ever let herself appear weak. </p><p>"Listen..." John began. He knew if he didn't say this he'd regret it. He'd never had the chance to say goodbye to his mum. Maybe this was his do-over. "I'm not one for getting all soft and all..." </p><p>A small chuckle came through the receiver. "You're all soft, John. You only pretend on the outside to be hardened."</p><p>"Just listen, Rube. Whatever happens - whatever way this turns - you just gotta know..." John cleared his throat. "You're the one, Rube. You always were. You were my chance to do it over. To do it right. You're the one for me."</p><p>John heard Ruby take a breath, and then there was a short silence. "You're the one, too, John," Ruby finally replied with a slight waiver in her voice.</p><p>****</p><p>Ten days later, on October 26th, the thing that John had been expecting for days finally happened. It was late in the evening, and filming had wrapped up a few hours prior. Cynthia had taken Julian out for a walk on the beach to tire him out before bed. When the phone rang, John instinctively knew who it was before he even answered. And, even worse, he knew why. </p><p>"It's Ruby, isn't it?" John sputtered as he answered the phone. </p><p>There was a brief silence before Sandra's tearful voice came through the receiver. "She's gone, John."</p>
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<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 39 - I CALL YOUR NAME</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 39 - I CALL YOUR NAME</p><p>••••<br/>I call your name, but you're <br/>not there.<br/>Was I to blame for being unfair?<br/>Oh, I can't sleep at night<br/>Since you've been gone.<br/>I never weep at night.<br/>I can't go on.<br/>••••</p><p>The chatter seemed constant, although John couldn't recall a single word that had been spoken over the last few hours. He had moved from the living room into the lounge at some point just to get away from the flow of people moving around the home. </p><p>In Spain, John had been nothing less than inconsolable after finding out about Ruby's death. The entire thing seemed like a dream. Filming had continued, and John had literally no choice but to stay until it wrapped up eleven days after Sandra's phone call. How he managed to make it through was mainly due to the cornucopia of chemicals he put into his body to numb the pain and compartmentalize his actions. </p><p>Now John sat in Ruby's flat, as he had for the past two days. He was lost. Sitting in Kenwood was torture with Cynthia and her questions. Going out was worse because no one could possibly know what he was going through. Ruby and John's relationship had been so secretive, so undercover, that nobody truly knew the depth of it. Paul had some inkling and had asked a few questions over the years, but John had never even given him the full details. And after Brian's role in the misunderstandings which kept them apart all that time ago, both John and Ruby had agreed to keep him in the dark in terms of their true relationship as well. </p><p>John had missed Ruby's funeral and burial due to his commitment in Spain. Because of this he had been robbed of his opportunity to say a proper goodbye. There was no finality to her being gone - just an empty, gaping hole. Ruby had been denying her illness, or at least the severity of it, for so long that the end result seemed so unreal. </p><p>For the past two days as John sat in her flat, part of him was waiting to see her walk through the front door laughing and explaining that the whole thing had been an off color joke which had gone too far. Of course that never actually happened, and the only people walking through the front door were those coming to pay their respects and offer help or condolences to Sandra and Fay. </p><p>"...and it was all just so sudden, wasn't it?" a male voice spilled into the lounge from the living room. </p><p>"It really was," a different voice agreed. "She went in hospital, and in two weeks time she was gone."</p><p>"I had no clue she was so bad off..."</p><p>John readjusted himself on the couch in an attempt to ignore the conversation in the other room. He looked over to the familiar wall of records and was suddenly flooded by the memories of the numerous times he spent in this room listening to music with Ruby. </p><p>"...or any kind of real treatment for something that spread so fast." </p><p>"It must have been incredibly severe to have taken her down so rapidly."</p><p>John leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and ran a hand through his hair. He had come into the lounge to get away from the conversations going on in the living room, but they seemed to be following him. He stood up and walked out of the lounge. For a split second he contemplated walking down the hall to Ruby's bedroom, but quickly changed his mind. </p><p>He had gone into her room on his first day back in London, and the experience had been heart wrenching. Everything in the room was exactly as Ruby had left it. Her makeup and perfumes still sat on her vanity. Her dressing gown hung on the post of the bed. Her pillow smelled of her shampoo, and John had buried his face into it with tears rolling down his cheeks. Everything in the room screamed of Ruby still being alive, except for her blaring, unending absence. </p><p>Walking past the hallway, John made his way through the living room and into the kitchen. The counters were covered with platters and dishes of food that people had brought over. </p><p>Useless, bloody food. What is it with people bringing over fucking food when someone dies? John wondered as he remembered Mimi's house being filled with gifted food items in the days following Julia's death. Who has a fucking appetite after someone fucking dies?</p><p>From the kitchen, John meandered over to the small side door. He turned the knob and suddenly found himself outside in the small garden area at the back of the house. The door closed behind him as John pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his breast pocket. He stepped down the two brick stairs and then sat down on the bottom one, taking a long drag on his cigarette. The November air was chilly enough to warrant a jacket, but as he sat on the step, John simply didn't care if he was cold. If anything, the cold air helped to distract him from everything happening in his brain. </p><p>The sound of cars driving by in the distance was interrupted only by a random plane flying overhead. Other than those noises it was quiet in the back garden. Flicking ash from his cigarette, John glanced around the small yard. His gaze ultimately ended at the trellis in the far corner. </p><p>That blasted grapevine. This is where it all started. </p><p>John stood up and walked over to the grapevine, standing exactly where he had when he and Ruby first kissed just shy of three years ago. </p><p>Three years ago. Three lifetimes ago is more like it. </p><p>A flock of birds flew overhead and John looked up at them, blinking away tears that he refused to let fall. There was nothing in Ruby's flat, nothing in this garden, nothing anywhere on earth that would bring her back. And there was nothing that would ever make any of this okay. </p><p>****</p><p>The phone rang at 11:00 on the dot, just as it had the last two evenings. John picked up the receiver and brought it to his ear. The familiar voice began to speak even before John could. </p><p>"You'll be there tomorrow, yes?"</p><p>"Mmm-hmm," John affirmed. </p><p>"I think you'll be quite pleased with the showcase. It will show you how important my art is. And how important your support is, as well."</p><p>John leaned back in his chair and absentmindedly scanned his attic music room. Yoko's voice continued to drone on through the phone while John held a joint to his lips and inhaled deeply. </p><p>The phone conversations with Yoko Ono had started off as a way to simply occupy John's mind. Her voice was breathy and light, a sharp contrast to almost every other person John spoke to on a daily basis. As she went on and on about her artwork John had been able to relax and think about things other than Ruby. </p><p>He didn't care much about what Yoko said - in fact, most of it seemed quite silly. Since when did sitting in bags or letting random people cut pieces of your clothing off qualify as art? But that was part of the appeal. John didn't have to care about what she said in order for it to distract him from his feelings. </p><p>After Ruby's death the conversations had become more regular, and John's interest had been piqued. Maybe it was his vulnerable state, or maybe it was Yoko's persuasive personality, but it didn't take long before John was agreeing to help in a monetary way. From that came the showcase Yoko was currently asking about. The exhibition would be opening the day after tomorrow, and Yoko had invited John to get an early viewing before the public. </p><p>"You'll finally be able to see the importance of what I'm doing," she reiterated. "And you can see how the avante garde movement is going to be the most influential thing in our lifetime. Perhaps the most influential movement in art history."</p><p>"Yeah, I suppose I'd like to see where exactly my money is going," John replied, although he didn't actually care much about the money.</p><p>Yoko's voice droned on and on for over an hour. She spoke about art and political movements and changing the world. Before ringing off, Yoko said one last thing that stuck with John. </p><p>"Tomorrow will be the first day of your real life. You will be reborn. Art does that to people."</p>
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<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 40 - BLACKBIRD</h2></a>
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    <p>Chapter 40 - BLACKBIRD</p><p>••••<br/>Blackbird singing in the dead of night.<br/>Take these broken wings and learn to fly.<br/>All your life,<br/>You were only waiting for this moment to arise.<br/>••••</p><p>"Dat one wooks wike a effalunt."</p><p>"You see one that looks like an elephant? Which one is that?"</p><p>Julian's little hand went straight up pointing at a white, fluffy cloud off to the right side of the sky. </p><p>"Ah, yes I see it," Cynthia replied. "What about you, John?"</p><p>"Looks like a fucking cloud to me."</p><p>"John..."</p><p>"Well that's what it is, isn't it? They're all bloody, fucking clouds."</p><p>Cynthia let out a disdainful sigh and sat up in the grass. "Why don't we go see what's in the cupboard for lunch? It's getting to be that time."</p><p>"Not hungry." John didn't move from his position laying on his back. </p><p>"Well I didn't suppose you would be." Cynthia stood up. "Julian, let's go see what's in the kitchen." </p><p>Before leaving, Cynthia tossed John an annoyed, hurt look which he pretended not to notice. With a sigh John returned his gaze up to the sky, looking at the possibly-elephant-shaped cloud passing overhead. </p><p>He had come out here to the vast grassy lawn by himself soon after waking up. Laying on his back on the chilly ground was his attempt at being alone without having to leave Kenwood. But soon enough Cynthia and Julian had found his not-so-secret hideout and joined him. </p><p>John's realization yesterday in Ruby's home was sitting heavily in his mind. Being at her flat wasn't going to bring her back. Sitting in her living room wasn't going to ease his pain. If anything it was only adding to it. </p><p>"Are you out there?" John whispered to the sky. "You couldn't have just waited a few days for me to get home? To at least give me a chance to say goodbye?"</p><p>A small flock of blackbirds flew in front of the clouds, letting out the occasional caw caw as they passed. </p><p>Placing his hands under his head, John adjusted himself in the grass. His back was getting cold from the ground beneath it, but he had no intention of getting up. </p><p>"If you're even out there, or up there, or wherever you bloody go in the cosmos... just give me a sign. An answer, ya know? Am I supposed to just... go on without you somehow?"</p><p>The wind blew silently. </p><p>John let out a small sigh. "I'm out here talking to the sky like a fucking fool..." With a chuckle he added, "You'd probably get a laugh out of that, wouldn't you? Me laying here in the grass talking to absolutely nothing. You up there yukking it up at the idiot down here talking to ghosts."</p><p>John propped himself up on his elbows and looked back towards the house. He really was getting cold at this point. The sun was out, almost mocking John's bleak mood with its brightness, but the chilly November air was cutting right through John's clothing. After a moment of debate he finally relented and stood up to walk back to the warmth of Kenwood. </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p>The gallery in the basement floor of Indica Books was peppered with art exhibits. It all seemed a bit random and odd to John - an apple sitting on a pedestal, a typical looking chess set except for the fact that all the playing pieces were completely white, a block of wood with a hammer hanging next to it, and a random A-frame ladder seemingly sitting out in the middle of nothing. </p><p>"Ah, good to see you made it," a hand slapped John on his shoulder. </p><p>Turning around John saw John Dunbar, one of the co-owners of Indica. He nodded, "Yeah, I made it. Just trying to figure out what exactly I'm looking at."</p><p>Dunbar laughed. "The avant garde. It is what you make it."</p><p>"Two hundred quid for an apple?" John asked, motioning to the sign on the perfectly normal looking apple on a pedestal. "Seems a bit absurd."</p><p>"That's the point, isn't it?" Dunbar replied. "The world is absurd. Why not call a spade a spade?"</p><p>John nodded, intrigued by the notion. The absurdity of the world was always something that had drawn his attention. He had always gotten a kick out of twisting words and phrases or exaggerating the physical attributes of people in his own artwork. </p><p>"Have you met the artist yet?" </p><p>John shook his head. "Not yet."</p><p>"Well let me introduce you, then."</p><p>While they had spoken on the phone numerous times, it was true that John had not actually met Yoko Ono. In fact, he had no idea what she even looked like. He couldn't have been more surprised when John Dunbar escorted him up to the tiniest Asian woman he had ever seen. Her long, wavy hair seemed to drape from her head like a cape. </p><p>"Yoko, this is John Lennon. He's in the Beatles."</p><p>Yoko looked up at John with a faint smile, although she didn't seem to give any acknowledgement of already knowing who he was. She silently handed him a small card. John looked down at it, expecting to see a business card or some kind of promotion of her artwork. Instead, he saw only the word breathe written on it. Looking from the card back to Yoko, John panted like a dog in an attempt to breathe like the card said. This drew a small, almost invisible laugh from Yoko. </p><p>John took a few steps and soon found himself next to the wooden block and hammer he had noticed earlier. The placard next to it read "Painting To Hammer A Nail In," and there was a small bucket of nails hanging from it. </p><p>"Well can I hammer a nail in, then?" John asked, turning to Yoko. </p><p>"No, not yet because the exhibit doesn't open until tomorrow." Yoko's voice was even more breathy and unassuming in person. </p><p>"Ah, come on," Dunbar argued. "Let him hammer one in. He's a millionaire. He might buy it," he laughed. </p><p>"No, it needs to be pristine for the opening tomorrow." Yoko seemed adamant about protecting her art. </p><p>John Dunbar walked over to Yoko and spoke quietly to her for a moment, but John couldn't hear what they were saying. After a minute they both walked back over. </p><p>"You can hammer in a nail for five shillings," Yoko explained, although she didn't seem too happy about the compromise. </p><p>Amused, John couldn't help himself. "All right, how about this? I'll give you an imaginary five shillings and hammer an imaginary nail in?"</p><p>Yoko's eyes brightened and she smiled at John. She nodded, "That would be acceptable."</p><p>After that exchange with Yoko, John found himself more and more intrigued by this whole scene. After years and years of reporters hounding the Beatles with ridiculous questions and wanting straight answers, it was refreshing to see someone like Yoko; someone actively saying, hey, this whole world is fucking ridiculous, so let's make a show of that and prove just how ridiculous it can be.</p><p>"What's that ladder?" John asked. </p><p>"Go climb it and see," Dunbar replied. </p><p>Standing at the bottom of the somewhat rickety looking ladder, John looked up and saw a canvas attached to the ceiling. Hanging from it was a magnifying glass. </p><p>"Just climb it?" John asked. </p><p>Dunbar nodded. "That's what it's for, I suppose."</p><p>At the top of the ladder, John looked at the canvas. It appeared that there was something extremely small in the very center of it. He grabbed the magnifying glass and looked through it. </p><p>YES. </p><p>In the very center of the canvas, written in the most minuscule of type prints, was the word yes. John was suddenly transported to the lawn of Kenwood where he lay earlier that afternoon. </p><p>Are you out there, Ruby?</p><p>YES</p><p>Can you just give me a sign? Let me know you're okay?</p><p>YES</p><p>Am I supposed to just figure out how to go on without you somehow?</p><p>YES</p><p>When he reached the floor after climbing back down the ladder, John recalled the phone conversation with Yoko the previous evening. She had said that today would be John's rebirth. She had said that art would change his life. </p><p>Could she have been right?</p><p>John looked around the gallery until he saw Yoko speaking to someone by the all white chess set. With Ruby now gone, John wasn't sure what his next step in life was supposed to be. Could this artist woman somehow have the answers that John didn't?</p>
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<a name="section0041"><h2>41. AFTERWORD</h2></a>
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    <p>Thank you so much for reading this story and joining me in the sad saga of John and Ruby. It's been such a pleasure to create this world and I'm somewhat sad to be done with it. But at the same time, I don't particularly want to delve into the world of John and Yoko - especially in this story which was supposed to be focused on John/Ruby. So the story must end here. </p><p>I wanted to use this last chapter to talk a little about Alma Cogan, the real life woman that Ruby was based on. John and Alma were rumored to have had a torrid affair, spanning the years of 1964 (when they met in the London Palladium show) until her untimely death in October of 1966. </p><p>Alma was such an interesting person to research, although I was surprised to find that there isn't a ton of information out there about her personal/private life. She was immensely famous in 1950's and 60's England, throwing massive parties and using her flat as the "place to be" for some hugely famous names. </p><p>We all know that John lost many important people in his life, and I believe that Alma's death played a huge role in his ultimate relationship with Yoko. I often wonder if John and Yoko would have even existed (at least in the way that they did) if Alma hadn't died at that pivotal time in John's life.</p>
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